Should I date a girl with kids?


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dreamspiral is offline dreamspiral Post #1  April 1,2009, 12:03pm
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I am a single divorced guy with no children. I have never been a parent. I have avoided dating girls with kids because I thought it would be hard to adjust/relate. There'd be her ex always in the picture. Any thoughts/adivce?
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #2  April 1,2009, 12:15pm
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It's not too bad if the kids are young (not teenagers) and the former husband is not an @$$. If he is an @$$ and the kids are teeenagers then it can be filed with drama.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #3  April 1,2009, 12:16pm
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It's not always a tough situation. Need more info. How many and how old are the kids ? What's the situation with her ex ? My ex had a 5yo when we met. (not the reason she's the ex)
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  April 1,2009, 12:40pm
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I'm sure someex'scan bea big problem. That's probably something to get a sense of early. Personally, I think it would be preferable if the woman's kids were just about ready to head off to college (rather than very young), even if they'd be a pain due to being teenagers.


My general feeling about is that, all other things being equal, I'd rather find a woman who doesn't have previous children (but who would like to have some). However, if I met the kind of really rare woman I'm looking for and she had a child(ren) I don't think I'd hesitate to start a relationship with her.
 
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Stargate is offline Stargate Post #5  April 1,2009, 12:55pm
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Dude, they are a package. The children are an extension of her heart.


Even if she is head over heels about you; if the kids don't accept you YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE!


and


You need to be prepared to take a backseat, they will ALWAYS be before you in her list of priorities.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #6  April 1,2009, 1:06pm
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dreamspiral, wrote :

I am a single divorced guy with no children. I have never been a parent. I have avoided dating girls with kids because I thought it would be hard to adjust/relate. There'd be her ex always in the picture. Any thoughts/adivce?
No. You don't need to date a woman with kids. There are plenty of single women out there who've never had children. Why date someone who's priority is her kids over you? Unless they're adult kids, I say stay away.


I'm not dissing on single moms here but if the OP has never had kids, he'll be frustrated with single moms.


I'm a single dad and I would never expect a woman without kids to accept my children. They aren't her problem and she could never be #1 in my life. My kids are...reality.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #7  April 1,2009, 1:09pm
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Stargate,558738 wrote :

Dude, they are a package. The children are an extension of her heart.


Even if she is head over heels about you; if the kids don't accept you YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE!


and


You need to be prepared to take a backseat, they will ALWAYS be before you in her list of priorities.
Well said...and this goes the other way too. I'm a single dad and a woman in my life will always be #2 in my priorities.


I've dated single moms and it is very frustrating. I know, I'm a hyprocrate. But single moms have always too much going on. In fact, the ones with younger kids I avoid. They simply aren't ready to give of themselves to someone other than their kids.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #8  April 1,2009, 1:11pm
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gr8guy,558680 wrote :

It's not too bad if the kids are young (not teenagers) and the former husband is not an @$$. If he is an @$$ and the kids are teeenagers then it can be filed with drama.
Depends on the teens and the parents relationship with them. My two have always been supportive.
 
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Stargate is offline Stargate Post #9  April 1,2009, 1:24pm
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sabete2002,558760 wrote :




Depends on the teens and the parents relationship with them. My two have always been supportive.
Good to know
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #10  April 1,2009, 1:26pm
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Stargate made a very valid point. I'll add to that that each situation is different. Ex's can be difficult or not, depending on the relationship post-divorce/break up. Children can be manipulative and try to wreck a relationship or actually (in my case) supportive. The age of the children is a factor (teens are not always difficult!). I think it would be harder for someone without children to be with someone who has them but even if both people have children, you have to factor in different parenting styles.
 
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