Newbie confused about email relationship!!!


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j07 is offline j07 Post #1  April 1,2009, 11:16am
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Ok...I have a confusing situation that I am hoping one of you "seasoned" online daters might be able to help with.


I have been talking via email with a guy for about two weeks. Everyday we email very long, personal, and reflective emails about life, values, opinions etc. Overall, we are very open with eachother.....


From all of these emails, I am starting to feel like we are in a relationship because we have talked about so many personal things. We have also discussed how the email situation is useful in talking and learning about someone without the pressure to impress someone like you feel in real life meetings....


SO the question is, why has he not asked me out yet? and when we do finally meet for the first time are we on a "first date" or are we already in a "relationship"?


PLEASE HELP....I am so confused!!!
 
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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #2  April 1,2009, 11:24am
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I wouldn't wait for him to do something, ask him if he wants to meet up. Just make it informal. And better sooner than later so that there is less pressure to have a great first date.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #3  April 1,2009, 11:28am
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It's not a REAL relationship until you meet in person. Email about talking on the phone and / or actually meeting. You run the risk that the virtual (online) relationship gets so grandiose that the real thing can't measure up.
 
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KiskaKitty is offline KiskaKitty Post #4  April 1,2009, 11:30am
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I would say you're NOT in a relationship. Just getting to know one another.





The big thing is you haven't even met this guy in person yet. You might click well in email, but not so well in person.





Seems like things are going well through email, perhaps you might consider graduating to phone conversations. They can be a good way to assess how you two might relate one on one. In email a person can take all the time they need to be well thought out, and to say all the right things. In phone and in person you have to be able to think on the fly so you can learn a lot from someone in a phone conversation. Now a phone conversation is not going to predict how things will work out in person but it can be used as a loose guide. If the phone conversations go well then perhaps you can arrange to meet in person for coffee or something that is short and allows for an easy out if things aren't going well, or an oppertunity to extend it if they are (as you can tell I've followed this plan a number of times, it's served me well)





Just becareful about making relationship assumptions too soon. Whether or not you're in a relationship is something you discuss between you and your partner, it's not something that just happens.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  April 1,2009, 11:33am
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Two weeks of e-mailing and you haven't talked on the phone yet? You two are as slow as glaciers. Are you looking for a relationship or a pen pal? Why not give him your phone number and ask him to call?





He probably hasn't asked you out because he's afraid of being rejected. Why don't you ask him to meet?
 
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churumbeque is offline churumbeque Post #6  April 1,2009, 11:33am
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Get used to it. This is how it's done now a days. LOL


I finally got tired of the texting thing and quit. Then after I forgot about him he finally called and asked why I hadn't contacted him. Said I was tired of texting and figured he'd call if he wanted. so we have now graduated to a phone call. yippy
 
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j07 is offline j07 Post #7  April 1,2009, 11:51am
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thanks a bunch everyone! Your opinions have helped me a lot! This whole internet dating thing is so weird compared to normal dating...I guess there is a learning curve and I haven't quite got the feel of it yet!



Thanks again!
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  April 1,2009, 12:00pm
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Hi there..I just went through the exact same thing!!! LOL...although we matched on EH so I'm not sure if that is where you met this man as well?...And he has called me once and we spoke for an hour...And while I enjoy the emails now that we have finished the Guided Comm..I just wrote him back saying, (paraphrasing here),


"That I believe in being up front and honest so I ask that you are the same, and if there has been something in my emails or our phone call that has now led you to change your mind of proceeding with the dating process with me, please let me know.While I have enjoyed our emails back/forth, I really am interested in getting to know you further and if you are still interested, then I would love to plan a time togo out on a date to see if we have a connection"


So I hear ya j07! This is my first online dating experience as well and I like the process of guided comm. with EH, it is a bit different in the beginning part of the dating process.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  April 1,2009, 12:35pm
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Until you meet and start actually dating there is no relationship - what you have is a pen pal and that is all. The more time you send e-mailing the more you are going to build up a false image in your head of who this person is and when or if you do finally meet in person, it will end up being an unpleasant surprise - they are not who you imagined them to be. If you feel like you would like to meet in person and he is not asking, don't make it complicated - just say casually in your e-mail if they would like to meet for coffee this weekend for instance. If they are interested, they'll let you know and if they are not interested, you know to move on. In some respects, this online thing can make things rather simple.
 
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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #10  April 1,2009, 12:50pm
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By the way, with online dating, once you reach the open communication phase I think it's best to exchange no more than a few emails before deciding to meet up.


I just had a stupid short dating experience where the thing was based too much off texting, and then I got pretty much got rejected when we met up in person... could have saved me a heck of a lot of time had it just started with the date, and I wouldn't have been left feeling hurt.
 
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