When to contact after first date?


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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #1  March 30,2009, 7:00am
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Long story short... I had been texting this woman for about a week straight while she was on vacation. She was doing a lot of the initiating too, and we were having some pretty awesome back and forth with text.


Anyways, she gets back on vacation, we go on our first date. When I drop her off she thanked me for an awesome time and said to call her tommorow.


Text her twice the next day, and tried calling her and nothing. Didn't hear anything for the next three nights, keep in mind we had been texting every night before this. Was angry and sent her some texts I shouldn't have which effectively ended it.


One of my guy friends was trying to argue with me it was a big mistake to text her the next day and that I should wait until she contacted me again (even though she said to call). My point was she said to call, and if she was interested she would want to talk to me.


Wondering in the future, when is best to contact a first date again, assuming the date went well.
 
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vicman1970 is offline vicman1970 Post #2  March 30,2009, 11:38am
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wpr101, wrote :

Long story short... I had been texting this woman for about a week straight while she was on vacation. She was doing a lot of the initiating too, and we were having some pretty awesome back and forth with text.


Anyways, she gets back on vacation, we go on our first date. When I drop her off she thanked me for an awesome time and said to call her tommorow.


Text her twice the next day, and tried calling her and nothing. Didn't hear anything for the next three nights, keep in mind we had been texting every night before this. Was angry and sent her some texts I shouldn't have which effectively ended it.


One of my guy friends was trying to argue with me it was a big mistake to text her the next day and that I should wait until she contacted me again (even though she said to call). My point was she said to call, and if she was interested she would want to talk to me.


Wondering in the future, when is best to contact a first date again, assuming the date went well.
I personaly feel that if she told you to call then she must of liked you. I don't think theres a set time frame in which to make the next call! I've always gone with if it feels right do it but thats just me
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  March 30,2009, 11:52am
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If she likes you and wants to hear from you, then she'll be happy if you call her the following day. If she does not like you, it really does not matter if you call the next day or wait two or three days - the end result will be the same. Also, stay away from texting. If she asks you to call, then wait until the evening and call her, don't text. Oh yeah, and don't ever wait for a woman to call you - most women will not do that and simply write you off as not interested if you don't call her.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #4  March 30,2009, 11:54am
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wpr101, wrote :


I had been texting this woman for about a week straight...having some pretty awesome back and forth with text.


Anyways,...we go on our first date...said to call her tommorow.


Text her twice the next day, and tried calling her...Was angry and sent her some texts I shouldn't have which effectively ended it.


One of my guy friends was trying to argue with me it was a big mistake to text her the next day and that I should wait until she contacted me again (even though she said to call)...if she was interested she would want to talk to me.


Wondering in the future, when is best to contact a first date again, assuming the date went well.


dunno the girl, dunno you. that said, you asked, and IMNSHO:


So the relationship started with texting, notched up a level to seeing one another, and she said to call. That is a clear sign that she is interested, at least at that moment. If she wasn't, she wouldn't have invited you to call.


Invitation or not, it is courteous to call the next day and say you had a nice time. Would be even more courteous had she chosen to call you to say thank you, but unfortunately for some women that feels like being too forward or desperate--so they invite you to call. Hate to say the old double standard is still at work.


Initially, texts might bounce around a bit before landing (I've had one really bad instance where several all came in at once, three days after they were sent). Our electronic world isn't quite as reliable as we'd like to think. She asked you to call; if we were playing "finer points of listening", might've been btr to call before the text--but I don't really think you did anything wrong.


Until you got very understandably hurt that she wasn't responding like she had, justifiably angry that she wasn't responding like she had--and then not so justifiably sending stuff to hurt her or make her angry back.


If you had a nice time with someone, it is ALWAYS good to call the next day. That's true whether you're dating someone, or if you've had dinner at your boss's house or attended a party into which someone clearly put some effort. That form of courtesy is universally acceptable.


NOT calling is discourteous. Her not responding for a long period, with no reason given for the extended silence, is discourteous. If she didn't have the guts to tell you by phone she wasn't interested anymore, or on second thought she wasn't wanting to date, or her father just got hospitalized and it took a few days to get back to you: then she is being discourteous and hurtful.


Please don't use her behavior to decide what you do with the next one--your instincts were right. But also try not to get vengeful--leaves you feeling bad, if nothing else.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #5  March 30,2009, 11:57am
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What I'm concerned about is you saying that you got "angry" after she didn't return your phone call for a few days? You've only gone out on one date....and even then..a little patience and understanding is key in any relationship....


If I were in her shoes...and it was someone I liked...at the end of the date...the guy usually says, thank you..I say thank you...he says, I will talk with you soon...


Then...within the next 24 hrs. the guy would send an email or phone call..either is great...to say he had a nice time and what would be a good time to talk in the next few days to chat and set up a second date if I would like...then I would email/call back to set up a time to talk...I date guys who have busy schedules like me....but also take the lead and call to "follow up" our date....etc....


So if you just texted her...and then called...maybe she was upset about that...I don't know your age...but texting for us at 40 is usually reserved for a quick hello when dating..or directions...it's not a way to establish a relationship or say thank you for a date..or ask someone out again....not everyone mind you...but most of my peers....


Again...if you are getting upset with someone that quickly..and then sent emails that were mean or upsetting to her...I know I would run the other direction if a guy did that to me....then it's best that you two go your separate ways it seems...


Just my thoughts here
 
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Woody1960 is offline Woody1960 Post #6  March 30,2009, 11:58am
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Couple of scenarios here to consider. She may have suggested to call her the next day, only as a safe way to end the date. She may not have had any intention of answering if you did call. Not knowing more, it's all I can suggest. And yes... it happens... unfortunately.


It's also possible that after a couple of texts, and a couple of calls, you appeared too anxious. May help in the future to go ahead a make the call, if she doesn't answer, then leave a pleasant message and leave it at that. Let her make the next move. If she enjoyed the date, and wants to see you again, she'll return your call.


Personally, I never call the next day. I'll wait a day or two and make the contact then. Not sure why, but seems to work very well.....
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #7  March 30,2009, 12:03pm
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You didn't go wrong calling her the next day, afterall she asked you to,but you do know what you did wrong afterwards.


Tell your buddies to toss the 'when to call after a date' book away.


Why don't people just call when they want to call? Sheesh
 
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Zoe_Foy is offline Zoe_Foy Post #8  March 30,2009, 12:27pm
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I think that if a man is interested after the first date, he should callthe lady within 24 hoursso that he can clearly showhis interest in her. At that time (or even during the first date), he can tell her thathe would like to see her again and hopefully she'll accept the proposal.


In your case, you may have messed up already by sending angry texts. I do understand why you would be irritated since she asked you to call her "tomorrow". However, displaying such anger with someone you just met would probably raise a red flag with her.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #9  March 30,2009, 12:45pm
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I can't tell you from the woman's perspective what you 'did wrong' obviously, I'm not her.


Maybe she was miffed that you txt'ed rather than called? She could have handled it differently though *if* that was the case.


After two txts and a phone call the following day and then 3 nights passing with nothing back from her, you should have left it at that.


I can relate to gettingfrustrated with the same 'ol same 'ol kind of poofing, flaking out, behavior that you're talking about here. We've all been there. When enough people flake out enough times in a row, sure it's annoying. Your mistake was sending her angry texts 3 days after the fact.


Not that it mattered at that point really, you gained nothing. She won't change her flaking out ways.


 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #10  March 30,2009, 12:50pm
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Zoe_Foy,555480 wrote :


I think that if a man is interested after the first date, he should callthe lady within 24 hoursso that he can clearly showhis interest in her. At that time (or even during the first date), he can tell her thathe would like to see her again and hopefully she'll accept the proposal.


In your case, you may have messed up already by sending angry texts. I do understand why you would be irritated since she asked you to call her "tomorrow". However, displaying such anger with someone you just met would probably raise a red flag with her.


No doubt he messed up already by sending angry texts to her - no excuse for sending them, even if he was annoyed with her ignoring his txt's/call.


I have to rewind a bit and think that SHE messed up by blowing the guy off and not having the courtesy to say to him "I'm not interested in pursuing this".


Which goes right back to me wondering why he cared enough about someone who'd ignore him to get angry in the first place
 
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