When to contact after first date?


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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #11  March 30,2009, 12:54pm
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"What I'm concerned about is you saying that you got "angry" after she didn't return your phone call for a few days? You've only gone out on one date....and even then..a little patience and understanding is key in any relationship...."


I get your point there. However, we had been texting each other every day before this for the past 7 days... so to not here from her for a full three days was a long time all things considered.


To give a little more background now that I've got some informative replies... I met this girl about 4 months ago at a party. Had a great conversation with her and got her number. I tried contacting her later that week by calling/texting, and it didn't really seem to go anywhere although we briefly chatted.


Then I was having a party at my house almost 3 months later and included her in a mass text that I was having a party and to "bring your own shoelaces". She texted me back intrigued by this line I guess, I we start talking through text the next couple days. I called her that next weekend to see what she was doing and she said she was going on spring break to Florida... which was kindof strange because she had been asking what I was doing that weekend.


So Iwas like whatever, I'll keepin touch with her over this period, and was pleasantly surprised to seethatshe was doing a lot of the initiating.


I know some of you might look down at texting as not being real communication, but the series of text messagessent back and forth over thenext week were pretty amazingin terms of being very funny and very personal at the same time... like we already had our own sublanguage.


However, it tooka very strange turn at one point where I was joking with her about hooking up with some guy in Florida, and she got very defensive and said something along the lines of I thought you were the only guyI was allowed to be with? Later that night she texted me that she thought she was in love with me... hard to tell whether she was joking or not cause it'stext.


It got even stranger whenthe next day shesent me something making fun of me for wearingglasses, and the following day sent me a text saying "Fag" and nothing else. I was really offended by this, and had no idea where it was coming from. She appologized though, andsaid she was drunk.


... so we go on this date. I pickher up at her place which is about 30 minutes away from my place. We drove around for almost 45 minutes because we got lost but it was a lot of fun in the process. We ended up at some bar, had afew drinks, had some great conversation, and then I took her home. And she ended it like the way Iwas saying.


I think I got my hopes too high or something, and was willing to throw a few warning signs away that this girl was trouble in some sense... like her sending me very insulting things with no explanation.


So that is what I meant it was kind of long...


 
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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #12  March 30,2009, 12:55pm
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"Couple of scenarios here to consider. She may have suggested to call her the next day, only as a safe way to end the date. She may not have had any intention of answering if you did call. Not knowing more, it's all I can suggest. And yes... it happens... unfortunately."


Yea, this may have been the case unfortunately.
 
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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #13  March 30,2009, 1:01pm
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lucky173,555497 wrote :

Zoe_Foy,555480 wrote :


I think that if a man is interested after the first date, he should callthe lady within 24 hoursso that he can clearly showhis interest in her. At that time (or even during the first date), he can tell her thathe would like to see her again and hopefully she'll accept the proposal.


In your case, you may have messed up already by sending angry texts. I do understand why you would be irritated since she asked you to call her "tomorrow". However, displaying such anger with someone you just met would probably raise a red flag with her.


No doubt he messed up already by sending angry texts to her - no excuse for sending them, even if he was annoyed with her ignoring his txt's/call.


I have to rewind a bit and think that SHE messed up by blowing the guy off and not having the courtesy to say to him "I'm not interested in pursuing this".


Which goes right back to me wondering why he cared enough about someone who'd ignore him to get angry in the first place

There was a lot more build up to the date than I originally explained I guess. She gave me some confusing signals where she would either be txting me like in a boyfriend/girlfriend type way, or insulting me, which started playfully at first but turned into some downright mean and very personal ones from her side.


I know it was someone who I barely know, but there was an instant connection both from the first time I met her in person, to the time texting her, and I've been in a serious relationship before so I don't like I was imagining it that much.


I guess I just got my hopes too high, and was let down rather hard. I'm not trying to say that getting angry at her was the correct move or whatever you want to call it. I'm not looking for people to tell me I was justified... it was what happened and I can't change the past. I do think that if she had had the same level of interest she would have let me know though.
 
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PY is offline PY Post #14  March 30,2009, 1:04pm

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wpr101, wrote :

Long story short... I had been texting this woman for about a week straight while she was on vacation. She was doing a lot of the initiating too, and we were having some pretty awesome back and forth with text.


Anyways, she gets back on vacation, we go on our first date. When I drop her off she thanked me for an awesome time and said to call her tommorow.


Text her twice the next day, and tried calling her and nothing. Didn't hear anything for the next three nights, keep in mind we had been texting every night before this. Was angry and sent her some texts I shouldn't have which effectively ended it.


One of my guy friends was trying to argue with me it was a big mistake to text her the next day and that I should wait until she contacted me again (even though she said to call). My point was she said to call, and if she was interested she would want to talk to me.


Wondering in the future, when is best to contact a first date again, assuming the date went well.
My opinion, she has second thoughts about the whole thing and decided to move on. It has NOTHING to do with texting or calling the next day.


Words like "call me sometimes" "Let's hang out again" won't mean much UNTIL she actually returns your call, some people DO use those phrases when they have no intention in pursuing anything at all.


All you can do is try your best and sometimes it ain't even about you.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #15  March 30,2009, 1:16pm
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wpr101, wrote :

Long story short... I had been texting this woman for about a week straight while she was on vacation. She was doing a lot of the initiating too, and we were having some pretty awesome back and forth with text.


Anyways, she gets back on vacation, we go on our first date. When I drop her off she thanked me for an awesome time and said to call her tommorow.


Text her twice the next day, and tried calling her and nothing. Didn't hear anything for the next three nights, keep in mind we had been texting every night before this. Was angry and sent her some texts I shouldn't have which effectively ended it.


One of my guy friends was trying to argue with me it was a big mistake to text her the next day and that I should wait until she contacted me again (even though she said to call). My point was she said to call, and if she was interested she would want to talk to me.


Wondering in the future, when is best to contact a first date again, assuming the date went well.
Your quandry would have been avoided if you firmed up date #2 at the end of the first date.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #16  March 30,2009, 1:17pm
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wpr101,555502 wrote :

"Couple of scenarios here to consider. She may have suggested to call her the next day, only as a safe way to end the date. She may not have had any intention of answering if you did call. Not knowing more, it's all I can suggest. And yes... it happens... unfortunately."


Yea, this may have been the case unfortunately.
I thought this as well from reading the OP, but I also have the thought that it does have something to do with your texting first--that evolved into you contacting her three times the next day as opposed to the one phone call.If she was lukewarm about you, that might have made you look a little to persistent and pushy to her.


Perhaps she had no intention of speaking to again, who can say--But I think it would have been better to ease up a bit on the communication afteryour firstmeeting. Next time, I would leave it a day or so if you canto give her some to think things over.
 
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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #17  March 30,2009, 1:30pm
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"Perhaps she had no intention of speaking to again, who can say--But I think it would have been better to ease up a bit on the communication after your first meeting. Next time, I would leave it a day or so if you can to give her some to think things over."


Yea, I know what you are saying. I figured that since we had been talking on a day to day basis it wouldn't be an issue to contact her the next day. She had said to call, but I figured she meant contact her, and not specifically like I'm only going to answer if you call, lol.


The whole thing was a rather strange situation, cause I've never dated someone where we got to know a lot about each other through text... which is about the most distant form of communication there is.


After those three attempts to contact her I didn't try to contact her at all for the next two days. I suppose it was telling went I sent her an "angry" text next that she INSTA replied like 20 seconds latter, do not talk to me like that again. So atleast it confirmed for me that she had been blantantly avoiding me.


Whatever, it was a stupid situation with a bad result... learned how I don't want to react next time though, haha.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #18  March 30,2009, 1:37pm
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wpr101,555537 wrote :

Whatever, it was a stupid situation with a bad result... learned how I don't want to react next time though, haha.
I always feel that if I learned something out of a situation, I've at least gotten that out of it.


Better luck next time!
 
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funnyhair09 is offline funnyhair09 Post #19  March 30,2009, 4:10pm
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wpr101,555537 wrote :

"Perhaps she had no intention of speaking to again, who can say--But I think it would have been better to ease up a bit on the communication after your first meeting. Next time, I would leave it a day or so if you can to give her some to think things over."


Yea, I know what you are saying. I figured that since we had been talking on a day to day basis it wouldn't be an issue to contact her the next day. She had said to call, but I figured she meant contact her, and not specifically like I'm only going to answer if you call, lol.


The whole thing was a rather strange situation, cause I've never dated someone where we got to know a lot about each other through text... which is about the most distant form of communication there is.


After those three attempts to contact her I didn't try to contact her at all for the next two days. I suppose it was telling went I sent her an "angry" text next that she INSTA replied like 20 seconds latter, do not talk to me like that again. So atleast it confirmed for me that she had been blantantly avoiding me.


Whatever, it was a stupid situation with a bad result... learned how I don't want to react next time though, haha.
wpr101,


I would say that this woman has poor communication skills and not someone who is ready to have a serious LTR. First of all, you both over indulged in contact before the 1st date. It's better to communicate in person first before doing a deep dive via text, email, online chat or even the phone. Pre-first date communication really should be brief to get to know each other briefly and also setup the first meeting. Then, the mixed signals, ignoring your texts and then replying only to your angry texts on her part only signals much future drama and headaches for you. Stay away. Yikes. Sounds like she's not interested and seriously, take this as a blessing.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #20  March 30,2009, 4:23pm
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"She gave me some confusing signals where she would either be txting me like in a boyfriend/girlfriend type way, or insulting me, which started playfully at first but turned into some downright mean and very personal ones from her side."





And you're upset you don't get a second date with this sweetie?


Seems like you dodged a bullet
 
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