Deb55 is offline Deb55 Post #1  March 28,2009, 1:23pm
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I'm pretty new to the eHarmony world- only been on it about 4 or 5 days now. I just reached the "open communication" stage with one of my matches (this is my first guy to reach that point with on eH). He seems to have very similar morals and values, but the problem is, he's seems pretty dang dull. Maybe he's just not very expressive or good at writing, but none of you wonderful guys on the boards seem to have that problem at all! Should I give him more time to get comfortable with talking to me, or should I close him out? Is that even an adequate reason?
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  March 28,2009, 1:26pm
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I think it would be hard to tell if someone is really boring from electronic communication--not everyone has a flair for it, and even on the boards here, I think things seem a bit more lively because of the interactive nature of the threads.


Do you have anything in common? That, I think, is going to be the main determinant of whether you will be bored with each other. I say don't put so much emphasis on the OC and give him a chance in person before you write him off as boring.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  March 28,2009, 1:30pm
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For real?


Unless you have so many matches that you don’t have time keep up with the good ones, I would never close one for an assumption. He may be completely different in person.


He may also have difficulty because of the kind of questions you’re asking.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #4  March 28,2009, 1:31pm
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Believe it or not, getting to OC is really hard sometimes.As MelinCali said some people are not great communicators using the written word. I also agree that you shouldgive him a chance in person. It may be a while before he next opportunity comes along.
 
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Deb55 is offline Deb55 Post #5  March 28,2009, 1:32pm
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Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like such a jerk. I guess I was just hoping for him to show a bit more personality...
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  March 28,2009, 1:35pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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It's interesting for me to read the suggestions here. In the past my approach has typically been to close all matches unless there was something that really struck me as really being what I'm looking for. It sounds like quite a few people may be willing to meet up with a match unless there's something that really strikes them negatively.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #7  March 28,2009, 1:39pm
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I figure that if you find him or her interesting enough to initiate the processand you actually make it to OC, you might as well meet in person as they may end up being Mr./Ms. Right.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #8  March 28,2009, 1:39pm
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Deb55,552800 wrote :

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like such a jerk. I guess I was just hoping for him to show a bit more personality...
You didn't sound like a jerk at all. You asked a simple question OP and your concern was valid.


I have had lousy communication in text with matches, and once I met them, their personalities shone through! On the other side of the coin, I've had matches that were "good writers' who couldn't put athought togetherIRL.


But anyway, Mel gave you some good advice. Hang in there and enjoy the process.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #9  March 28,2009, 2:05pm
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jayjay,552804 wrote :

It's interesting for me to read the suggestions here. In the past my approach has typically been to close all matches unless there was something that really struck me as really being what I'm looking for. It sounds like quite a few people may be willing to meet up with a match unless there's something that really strikes them negatively.
It's better to give people the benefit of the doubt. Rather than looking for something amazing in their profile or initial email, just look for multiple red flags. If someone has multiple red flags, then you're justified in closing them out. Some people are good in email/text/IM. Some people are good on the phone. Some people are good in real life. Some are good at all forms of communication. Some people aren't good at any forms of communication (or maybe just not with me?). Also, first dates can be very stressful and nerve-wracking. People may say or do things that they normally wouldn't, just trying to impress their date. Give your date some leniency and time to become amazing to you!


Unless someone comes across as acomplete jerk on the first date, I usually suggest a second date. Both people tend to feel amore confident and more at ease on a second date (she/he must think I'm attractive, they want a second date). Then you'll have the opportunity to really get to know each other. Good luck!
 
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maddy31 is offline maddy31 Post #10  March 28,2009, 2:07pm

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Deb55, wrote :

I'm pretty new to the eHarmony world- only been on it about 4 or 5 days now. I just reached the "open communication" stage with one of my matches (this is my first guy to reach that point with on eH). He seems to have very similar morals and values, but the problem is, he's seems pretty dang dull. Maybe he's just not very expressive or good at writing, but none of you wonderful guys on the boards seem to have that problem at all! Should I give him more time to get comfortable with talking to me, or should I close him out? Is that even an adequate reason?
I probably am the opposite of the norm here with this advice but, I have found if you are connected the communication becomes easier not harder.


Sometimes the communication on the site is more interesting because it's structured, with the profile set-up and the patterned questions, it's very hard to freelance with your personality. But if


he seemed charming to bombing when the structure was gone, it may be a sign, but maybe try and give it a little more time and see what happens


GL
 
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