angel is offline angel Post #1  March 27,2009, 10:41pm
angel's Avatar

May your lives be filled with God's loves this year.

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2007

Posts: 123

See profile



I met someone who filledfor adivorce. But will not be finalized for a few months. I quess it is like this married and divorced. Which is the technical term for this is he married or divorced.


I told him that i did not want to get to know him better until after his divorce is final.
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #2  March 27,2009, 10:51pm
neardc's Avatar

Kumbaya, people!

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Near DC (duh!)

Posts: 7,739

See profile

The correct term is "married." There is another very long active thread on the boards asking what someone who is "separated" should be considered. I suggest that you take a look at that one for an extensive discussion of your question.
 
  Reply With Quote
bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  March 27,2009, 10:51pm
bravethestorm's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,260

See profile



Most places would classify him as "separated" whether he is still living with his wife or not.


He will be married to her until the divorce papers are final whether he dates or not.
 
  Reply With Quote
gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #4  March 27,2009, 11:25pm
gr8galmv's Avatar

6 mo. into dating my EH guy and still feels like I've won the EH lottery!

Unregistered

Joined: Mar 2008

Posts: 1,420

See profile



Why is it important to know the technical description/term anyhow? Frankly if he was divorced yesterday would it make him any more emotionally ready to date or be in a relationship? But if you must know what he isn't...he isn't single.
 
  Reply With Quote
lostintime5 is offline lostintime5 Post #5  March 28,2009, 1:15am

Somewhere lateral and longitude, so what?

Unregistered

Joined: Feb 2009

PB

Posts: 1,641

See profile



He's married. He's not single. No divorce is quiet at all, there's always storms brewing throughout. Does he have kids? They will always (or should be) in his day to day life and if the kids are young, then so will their mother. Another thing to consider is that some men use that as a sympathy "tool."
 
  Reply With Quote
sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #6  March 28,2009, 5:30am
sabete2002's Avatar

About to celebrate one year with the best guy on the planet!

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 2,335

See profile



On top of all that, is he truly ready for a relationship so soon anyway?
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  March 28,2009, 7:27am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

gr8galmv,552071 wrote :

Why is it important to know the technical description/term anyhow? Frankly if he was divorced yesterday would it make him any more emotionally ready to date or be in a relationship? But if you must know what he isn't...he isn't single.
Once married you can never be single again no matter what your life situation.
 
  Reply With Quote
Tyym is offline Tyym Post #8  March 28,2009, 7:31am
Tyym's Avatar

is moving forward...

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

British Columbia, CANADA

Posts: 2,896

See profile



Hi Angel...


I think it's very important that we follow the value system that we've formulated based on our life experiences. Keeping an open mind is always a wise choice, but so too is minding our boundaries.


Whether he's separated or divorced... what are(were)the circumstances? I'm not so much concerned about the status as the circumstance. What caused the dissolution in the first place? How long have they been separated?


After my own divorce, I can say completely honestly that being with someone who is "divorcing" is a real wild card. Unless they are simply waiting for the process to complete, there is an enormous amount of emotional uncertainty. That person will simply not be themself or at their best. What's more, what will they have left or available for you, or what will you have to endure as a result. I want to find someone who isableto enter into a relationship in a healthy way.... emotionally and spiritually. I really don't believe that can happen while still attached to someone else. I do believe it can be completely over... that there is little risk of reconciliation with their former partner, but unless everything is completely settled, your potential mate is still embroiled in a very emotionally charged process. How can they have healed fully if they are still involved in the process.


Time away from that situation spent in solitude and contemplation is what I personally look for. Have they considered and tried to understand that which caused the demise of their union?


Starting arelationship with someone who is still in the process is not necessarily bad, but it is very risky. If they have been separated for years and have simply not finalized the divorce process.... I would want to understand why. What's the point of divorcing without divorce? I've met a few people who continue to live in this state and in most cases, I simply can not understand it. I'm not judging them... it's simply not for me.


Follow your principles and value system and be honest with yourself... and more, expect the same from your potential partner... it will serve you well.


Best of luck


Tim
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  March 28,2009, 7:32am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile



The question possed by several other posters on would he be available for a new relationship is quite correct. This would be true for anyone just coming from a relationship no matter what caused it to end.


I suppose someone has to be the rebound but it doesn't have to be you.
 
  Reply With Quote
tasmanian is offline tasmanian Post #10  March 28,2009, 7:42am
tasmanian's Avatar

hasta la vista !

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 1,596

See profile



angel, wrote :


I met someone who filledfor adivorce. But will not be finalized for a few months. I quess it is like this married and divorced. Which is the technical term for this is he married or divorced.


I told him that i did not want to get to know him better until after his divorce is final.


Just a thought here, you said you met someone who just filled for a divorce, it may take month's if not more for that to happen and whyhold on to something like that especially when you just met them, you may fall into the trap of being dragged along emotionaly untill this marrage is finally over, i don't think you will wan't to go through that.I checked out your photo and you look attractive and if you have a good head on your shoulder's you won't have a problem with meeting someone that won't drag you through all the drama that this kind of thing will. just my oppinion though.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Waht does this mean to you!! | Dating | New potential - concert with ex »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:31pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0