Loneliness Vs Desperation


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curi0sity is offline curi0sity Post #1  March 19,2009, 6:44pm
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I have been "dating" now for almost two years, obviously with no luck. I've met some nice guys but none that I would want to spend my life with. Since August however I have been focusing all my attention on my self improvement. Although I've accomplished a lot I find myself more often than not experiancing loneliness. Wanting someone to share my accomplishments with, I no longer feel I NEED a partner but I WANT one. I guess my dillema is how do I prevent this loneliness from leading to desperation? Does being lonely mean I am desperate? I've been on eharmony for a month and have had zero luck so far, no responses, no dates, nothing. I'm trying not to but I'm becoming a bit frustrated. What do I do?
 
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j2 is offline j2 Post #2  March 19,2009, 7:59pm
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don't know. i've been told i'm desperate for being willing to go out with most any woman once, even if i don't know her. the way i see it i only go in my free time and i loose nothing by finding out annother woman isn't right for me.

what i am saying is one mans willingness to take advantage of opportunities is several womens desperate. we all have differing definitions.

as far as keeping being lonely from making you desperate. get friends get hobbies. kill the loneliness with platonic relationships.
 
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Vaire1967 is offline Vaire1967 Post #3  March 19,2009, 8:03pm
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j2,539121 wrote :

as far as keeping being lonely from making you desperate. get friends get hobbies. kill the loneliness with platonic relationships.
+1


Don't make being online your priority. The virtual world will suck you in and only spit you out when you've been chewed to a pulp.


Distract and detach and participate in the places that matter .
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  March 19,2009, 8:36pm

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I'd suggest actually joining another service and going out with more people, people you might just consider nice and maybe are not so sure about. Try to just meet more people. One month on eharmony is nothing.....and its not a high volume kind of date site. It sounds like you just need human interaction, you don't need eharmony for that. I've even met women friends on the itnernet through groups or what not.....try that.


oh, you could post here too! Another way to meet nice people...
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #5  March 19,2009, 8:54pm
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curi0sity, wrote :


I have been "dating" now for almost two years, obviously with no luck. I've met some nice guys but none that I would want to spend my life with. Since August however I have been focusing all my attention on my self improvement. Although I've accomplished a lot I find myself more often than not experiancing loneliness. Wanting someone to share my accomplishments with, I no longer feel I NEED a partner but I WANT one. I guess my dillema is how do I prevent this loneliness from leading to desperation? Does being lonely mean I am desperate? I've been on eharmony for a month and have had zero luck so far, no responses, no dates, nothing. I'm trying not to but I'm becoming a bit frustrated. What do I do?


I think a lot of people on here can relate to how you feel, definitely do not let your lack of success on EHarmony so far frustrate you. I'mtrying to practice what I preach in that regard. It's just not the best site if you wan't to line up a date for every weekend. Try some of the other sites in addition to EHarmony, and ya keep trying to meet people in RL, I found out about a great site through these forums, meetup.com, you should check it out, I found a couple groups I'm interested in joining.
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #6  March 19,2009, 9:37pm
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Join a fitness group that isn't too hardcore. My local running club is over 80% women - all ages and speeds. Or an art or yoga class. IMHO, the women are out there -- the men are not. (Maybe they are desperately huddled over their computers trying to make contact online instead?)
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #7  March 19,2009, 9:48pm
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Lonliness is normal. You can avoidbeing desperate by remaining realistic about the natural pace of a relationship. Don't get too emotional too soon in your own mind. It is very hard to hide that from a date. They will probably sense it. Don't be self-conscious about it though. Do the best that you can to relax.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  March 20,2009, 2:11am
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curi0sity, wrote :

Although I've accomplished a lot I find myself more often than not experiancing loneliness. Wanting someone to share my accomplishments with, I no longer feel I NEED a partner but I WANT one. I guess my dillema is how do I prevent this loneliness from leading to desperation? Does being lonely mean I am desperate? I've been on eharmony for a month and have had zero luck so far, no responses, no dates, nothing. I'm trying not to but I'm becoming a bit frustrated. What do I do?
Ultimately, the best - and only - way I know of to avoid loneliness from leading to desperation (and depression, for that matter) is to be ok with yourself, be happy in your own skin, like your own company, yadda yadda. Desperation is actually not caused by loneliness, it's caused by - usually - a low self esteem, low self=worth,and an inability or fear to be alone. These people simply can't live with themselves, they WANT someone to "complete" them.


Find something you like to do to fill your time, friends, family, hobbies, volunteering, etc. The more 'frantic' you get about finding someone, the more frustrated you will become. Online dating really only works for a very small percentage of people, so as someone said above, don't put all of your eggs in this one basket ...be on a couple of sites and don't ever forget to get out in the real world to meet guys.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  March 20,2009, 3:30am
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You know that old cliche "when you stop looking.....", well it's true. When you stop looking it's not because you've given up or stopped caring, but because you have a fullfilling life and are internally happy - it radiates in everything that you do and it attracts people to you - friends, bosses wanting to give you promotions, dates, even strangers on the street will for some reason smile at you. So, maybe revisit the self-improvement issue again - did you really do it for yourself?


As for EH - it's a slow process with that. The good news is that the people who join are mostly serious, but the communication is slow and matching is slow and their habit of matching youwith people who are not active is beyond words annoying. Anyway, hand in there - you only need one. Also, join other things - local live events.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #10  March 20,2009, 6:31am
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Good advice by all. Op self improvement you're on the right track.


Being lonely is different than the feeling of loneliness, so good start OP, by knowing the difference.


Often, loneliness is mistaken forunsettled/anxiousfeelings, thereby questioning yourself will this lead to desperation?No, and don't dispair,patience is the key in the dating world. Youjust needtoensurethe lonesome feeling doesn't cause you to foresake wants and desires for 'the right one'.
 
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