Don't Underestimate the Nice Guy

Don't Underestimate the Nice Guy

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Don't Underestimate the Nice Guy


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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #21  March 19,2009, 8:00am
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peg099,537148 wrote :

D_Lion,537088 wrote :


Remind me what the 20 page thread last week concluded?


That 'nice guys' aren't nice. They are as toxic (sometimes more so) than the jerks. It's like a wolf in sheep's clothing.


Women are better off with good men.


Luckily for the nice guy, he has the potential to grow up to be a good man if he examines his motives and develops a solid sense of self and real integrity.


I think that about sums it up.
Well said!
 
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kjacks12 is offline kjacks12 Post #22  March 22,2009, 4:45pm
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Wow! Now, I understand why some guys don't want to be considered the "nice guy". It's almost as if that's a bad word/thing.


It's a good thing to be kind, but maybe some women want the "bad boy next door" and maybe some guys don't want competition, so they make fun of the guy who is kind. Being nice is not a weakness.


Any "nice" guys reading this, I want you to know that I have your back. Don't change. When women get tired of being run over, they will then appreciate you more...that is if you are still available. (Smile)


Also, I am sure you guys have cars or motorcycles and are not riding around on mopeds. I understand that your being nice does not mean you are a wimp. Also, if you are riding around on a horse, it could be because you are someone's "knight in shining armor", so don't take offense to anything you may have read. Be yourself!
 
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VictoriaJ is offline VictoriaJ Post #23  March 22,2009, 5:04pm
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kjacks12,543891 wrote :

Wow! Now, I understand why some guys don't want to be considered the "nice guy". It's almost as if that's a bad word/thing.


It's a good thing to be kind, but maybe some women want the "bad boy next door" and maybe some guys don't want competition, so they make fun of the guy who is kind. Being nice is not a weakness.


Any "nice" guys reading this, I want you to know that I have your back. Don't change. When women get tired of being run over, they will then appreciate you more...that is if you are still available. (Smile)


Also, I am sure you guys have cars or motorcycles and are not riding around on mopeds. I understand that your being nice does not mean you are a wimp. Also, if you are riding around on a horse, it could be because you are someone's "knight in shining armor", so don't take offense to anything you may have read. Be yourself!
kjacks, here is some context for you (and others who may be wondering why some posters are already condmening "nice guys"). This topic comes up over and over on these boards. Everyone wants someone who is genuinely kind. However, some people on these boards associate the idea of a "nice guy" with someone who just acts nice to "get" other people to like him. By this definition, a "nice guy" is someone with no sense of self, no integrity, no spine. It all depends how one defines "nice" (and, I suspect, how one defines "manliness"). So there is a long history of arguments on this subject. It looks like another one is going to begin!


*runs out of thread*
 
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PY is offline PY Post #24  March 22,2009, 5:13pm

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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kjacks12,543891 wrote :


Wow! Now, I understand why some guys don't want to be considered the "nice guy". It's almost as if that's a bad word/thing.


It's a good thing to be kind, but maybe some women want the "bad boy next door" and maybe some guys don't want competition, so they make fun of the guy who is kind. Being nice is not a weakness.


Any "nice" guys reading this, I want you to know that I have your back. Don't change. When women get tired of being run over, they will then appreciate you more...that is if you are still available. (Smile)


Also, I am sure you guys have cars or motorcycles and are not riding around on mopeds. I understand that your being nice does not mean you are a wimp. Also, if you are riding around on a horse, it could be because you are someone's "knight in shining armor", so don't take offense to anything you may have read. Be yourself!


Ah...I have an issue with this statement....almost it can be rephrased with "We will continually pick a wrong guy, follow the same broken pattern, but once the other guys are done with us, we know we've made a mistake, then we will pick you as our last choice"


I'm not going to sit around wait the woman to get around and picking me once she's done 'making mistakes'. That is NOT a comforting thought....and sadly, there are MANY women who are slow learners.


I AM a nice guy (not perfect...lots of flaws), but I know one thing I'm NOT ....a last resort.


Thank you all for listening.


Nice guy with a back bone.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #25  March 22,2009, 5:31pm
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PY, you're in fine form today my friend


I always joke that nice guys do finish in the end...they just have to make a pit stop to the doctor's office for the little blue pillfirst. He could be into his middle years until women see the light. By that time, the Homecoming memories are lost to him; the frat party memories are lost to him; the club scene memories are lost to him. All the fringe benefits of being the guy "picked" by women in our very young, vibrant and arguably stupid (but fun) years are lost to him. In the big scheme of things, that won't mean anything if he does somehow find the love of his life. But it does create some bitterness in many guys, and so when women do finally want to get on the Express Train to Nicetown, these guys have already packed and moved.


It's part of the natural order of things, I guess. We all pay for our relationship choices. Sometimes ladies have to make those wrong choices in order to eventually make the right ones. But I hope it is helpful to ladies to get this insight into how guys feel.
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #26  March 22,2009, 6:23pm
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PY,543924 wrote :

kjacks12,543891 wrote :


Wow! Now, I understand why some guys don't want to be considered the "nice guy". It's almost as if that's a bad word/thing.


It's a good thing to be kind, but maybe some women want the "bad boy next door" and maybe some guys don't want competition, so they make fun of the guy who is kind. Being nice is not a weakness.


Any "nice" guys reading this, I want you to know that I have your back. Don't change. When women get tired of being run over, they will then appreciate you more...that is if you are still available. (Smile)


Also, I am sure you guys have cars or motorcycles and are not riding around on mopeds. I understand that your being nice does not mean you are a wimp. Also, if you are riding around on a horse, it could be because you are someone's "knight in shining armor", so don't take offense to anything you may have read. Be yourself!


Ah...I have an issue with this statement....almost it can be rephrased with "We will continually pick a wrong guy, follow the same broken pattern, but once the other guys are done with us, we know we've made a mistake, then we will pick you as our last choice"


I'm not going to sit around wait the woman to get around and picking me once she's done 'making mistakes'. That is NOT a comforting thought....and sadly, there are MANY women who are slow learners.


I AM a nice guy (not perfect...lots of flaws), but I know one thing I'm NOT ....a last resort.


Thank you all for listening.


Nice guy with a back bone.

I agree with PY actually thats sort of always been my attitude towards it. I don't really wantpickedbecause a woman is ready to settle down with a good guyafter 10 years of her bad boy flings or whatever you want to call it. It issort of like being considered second choice or a last resort.I'd like to think the same woman would of picked me had we met 5 or 6 years earlier. There was another thread a while back that talked about if a womans past is important to a guy or not, in a way it can be. OK I know I said I wouldn't post in this thread again but I couldn't help it someone revived it .
 
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PY is offline PY Post #27  March 22,2009, 6:47pm

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tbesq,543956 wrote :

PY, you're in fine form today my friend


I always joke that nice guys do finish in the end...they just have to make a pit stop to the doctor's office for the little blue pillfirst. He could be into his middle years until women see the light. By that time, the Homecoming memories are lost to him; the frat party memories are lost to him; the club scene memories are lost to him. All the fringe benefits of being the guy "picked" by women in our very young, vibrant and arguably stupid (but fun) years are lost to him. In the big scheme of things, that won't mean anything if he does somehow find the love of his life. But it does create some bitterness in many guys, and so when women do finally want to get on the Express Train to Nicetown, these guys have already packed and moved.


It's part of the natural order of things, I guess. We all pay for our relationship choices. Sometimes ladies have to make those wrong choices in order to eventually make the right ones. But I hope it is helpful to ladies to get this insight into how guys feel.
Ah yes....my friend Tbesq!! LOL.


I think all of us nice guys should go to Greece....we might get lucky there.


p.s....somebody is lookin' for looove there in Texas...she's quite a looker...you lucky you!!!!!!
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #28  March 22,2009, 11:01pm
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Yes, it is helpful. I had no idea men may be feeling as if they were passed over or perhaps picked as a last resort.


Hmm ... perhaps she would not have been ready for you several years earlier. Let me put it this way (and hopefully without foot-in-mouth disease!), I have always found articulate, intelligent and witty men extremely attractive; since I was in my late teens. However, I didn't have the strength, maturity, back-bone (whichever word applies here) to recognise him for what he is: a gem, find, catch. You also need not be concerned that you are the last resort because she is done 'making mistakes'. She may have been seriously ill, or suffered an injury that resulted in her not being in the 'dating field'. She may have been focusing on studies and/or career. In essence, she was not ready for you.


BTW - what makes you think you would have been ready for her years earlier?
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #29  March 23,2009, 4:48am
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Sort of along these lines, I remember talking to a girl in college. We seemed to be hitting it off, had some mutual interests and so on and so forth. I decided that I'd ask her out. I got a lovely backhanded compliment in the rejection. I was told that I was not dating material, but I was marriage material. She went on to say that right now she was looking for someone she could have fun with.





Whether she meant it this way or not, the implication was certainly that I was not the kind of guy that she could have fun with, but maybe once she was done with that, things might be a go.





A couple of months later, I heard her complaining about the lack of nice guys. Go figure.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #30  March 23,2009, 5:42am
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meri75,544596 wrote :

Yes, it is helpful. I had no idea men may be feeling as if they were passed over or perhaps picked as a last resort.


Hmm ... perhaps she would not have been ready for you several years earlier. Let me put it this way (and hopefully without foot-in-mouth disease!), I have always found articulate, intelligent and witty men extremely attractive; since I was in my late teens. However, I didn't have the strength, maturity, back-bone (whichever word applies here) to recognise him for what he is: a gem, find, catch. You also need not be concerned that you are the last resort because she is done 'making mistakes'. She may have been seriously ill, or suffered an injury that resulted in her not being in the 'dating field'. She may have been focusing on studies and/or career. In essence, she was not ready for you.


BTW - what makes you think you would have been ready for her years earlier?
Maybe not ready for marriage, but certainly ready for dating.


I see it all the time...in a social venue, with eligible, good-looking, genuinely good guys all around, the younger ladies passing over these guys for the loud, obnoxious, keg-standing, sports-car-down-the-strip types. The only plausible theory that makes sense is that it is the natural order the things. While I understand that women seek "confident" men, it is pretty obvious that at that age many women don't really know what true "confidence" is.


And I don't mind if a woman makes these terrible choices; after all, it's her life and her prerogative Just don't make the terrible choices and then ask "where are the good guys?", as ifthey're really making the required effort to find them. They're not fooling anyone, and the good guys seeing her actions and hearing those words is going to take a pass on her anyway.
 
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