long-distance matches and the inevitable question about visiting


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Vibrant is offline Vibrant Post #11  April 14,2009, 8:32am
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Thank you for the comments.


It's our third date. We met in a neutral location the first time, where I did most of the driving, but it was a special event, so I am ok with that. Then he did come to my house for brunch on the second date. He left in the late evening. So now it's just wierd, so I better just talk it out with him.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #12  April 14,2009, 8:38am
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ANWmo1,534467 wrote :

JMWTurnerFan,528113 wrote :


Jayvee,527974 wrote :


goldengirl7676, wrote :


An eH match and I have been communicating for awhile now and the inevitable question has come up about when am I going to come visit him. We live in different states, so of course travel will be involved somehow if the two of us are to meet in person.


So far, we have gotten along well and he seems like a genuinely nice guy (and yes, I have done some Internet research to verify he really is who he says he is and all of that). I guess I am just a bit bothered by the fact that the same situation that's happened several times before appears to be playing out again. Why don't these guys ever offer to come visit me the first time around or suggest that we meet in a neutral location? I just don't get it. And in all cases, including this one, it has been the guy who has initiated communication in the first place. To me, I think it would be better if they suggested a neutral location or perhaps came here to visit the first time. As a young woman, I feel a bit uncomfortable traveling to a strange city where I know no one and will be meeting a guy I've never met before. Call me paranoid, but I am concerned about mywell-being and am reminded about all of those safety lecturesabout women traveling alone to unfamiliar cities.


Any thoughts?


Hi goldengirl7676


DON'T DO IT. If I were a woman I wouldn't even meet him half way! It is far safer for him to travel to you, especially for the first meeting. If he is interested he will make the trip. You might even offer to pay half the expenses. If you find out he is a jerk you at least will be at home where you have more options if things go bad.


On a positive note, If heisthe man of your dreams (I hope so) and things go well you will feel more comfortable traveling to see him.


If he doesn't want to make the trip, I think you should just move on. Good luck!





Seconded. He should know that it's better for him to travel to you. Mention your concerns to him; they're natural ones to have. Definitely don't go meet him there; meet at your town or somewhere neutral.


I third this! If a guy is really into you he'll come to you. I think it is okay for you to say "You know, I think you should come see me". If says no then say bye bye. It doesn't matter what the reasoning is, just say good bye.
Shouldn't the guy be like, "If a girl is really into me, she'll come to me."


I would always attempt to meet halfway on a first date anyway back when I was dating.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #13  April 14,2009, 9:37am
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Generally speaking, I don't have a problem coming to the woman. If it's a cross-country LDR, I would suggest meeting halfway. If it's cross-state, depending on the state, I'd have no problem making the trip; in some cases, it might be cheaper to fly cross-state than to drive. Long-distance distances can definitely be very complex.
 
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goldengirl7676 is offline goldengirl7676 Post #14  April 15,2009, 6:39am
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Isuppose I didn'thave toworry about it in the first place. This guy did what the others have done and pulled a poof! disappearing act. Have not heard from him in weeks. Oh well.


I just can't figure out why these guys even initiate communication in the first place if they're not serious about getting to know someone andmaking an effort to do so. I'm on eH because I want to meet someone special. Based on my experience with it so far,I'm thinkingthe majority of guys who sign on areeither doing it for kicks or because they're looking for the one-night stand kind of girl.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #15  April 15,2009, 7:05am
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goldengirl7676,578917 wrote :

I suppose I didn't have to worry about it in the first place. This guy did what the others have done and pulled a poof! disappearing act. Have not heard from him in weeks. Oh well.


I just can't figure out why these guys even initiate communication in the first place if they're not serious about getting to know someone and making an effort to do so. I'm on eH because I want to meet someone special. Based on my experience with it so far, I'm thinking the majority of guys who sign on are either doing it for kicks or because they're looking for the one-night stand kind of girl.
gg,


You are not alone in your frustration! We collectively (men and women) have a horror movie full of disappointments and "why did he/she do that?"'s For me recently my latest "why are you paying, and why did we do all this work?" was a month or two ago.


(Yes this story is written elsewhere.) I work from home and so am able to check EH quite often. I got to OC with two girls. Both sent phone numbers and emails. I sent an email to their email saying thanks, I'll call sometime soon. Well instead of getting a message back saying great I'm looking forward to it, I got a Closed Matched. WHAT HAPPENED? All I can figure is that because I work at home and check EH frequently that I must have responded right back which must have looked like I was desparate or something. Needless to say, I now put a day between communications.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #16  April 15,2009, 7:21am
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DDjr,578961 wrote :

goldengirl7676,578917 wrote :


I suppose I didn't have to worry about it in the first place. This guy did what the others have done and pulled a poof! disappearing act. Have not heard from him in weeks. Oh well.


I just can't figure out why these guys even initiate communication in the first place if they're not serious about getting to know someone and making an effort to do so. I'm on eH because I want to meet someone special. Based on my experience with it so far, I'm thinking the majority of guys who sign on are either doing it for kicks or because they're looking for the one-night stand kind of girl.


gg,


You are not alone in your frustration! We collectively (men and women) have a horror movie full of disappointments and "why did he/she do that?"'s For me recently my latest "why are you paying, and why did we do all this work?" was a month or two ago.


(Yes this story is written elsewhere.) I work from home and so am able to check EH quite often. I got to OC with two girls. Both sent phone numbers and emails. I sent an email to their email saying thanks, I'll call sometime soon. Well instead of getting a message back saying great I'm looking forward to it, I got a Closed Matched. WHAT HAPPENED? All I can figure is that because I work at home and check EH frequently that I must have responded right back which must have looked like I was desparate or something. Needless to say, I now put a day between communications.
DDjr, you do realize though, inevitably, you'll come up against a match who may think the day's wait is too longggg of a wait and take it as disinterest
 
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musicchick is offline musicchick Post #17  April 15,2009, 7:32am
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I would take a couple of big beefy guy friends and meet him halfway (or so). If you meet at a restaurant and they sit at a different table, he doesn't even have to know they are with you unless he tries some monkey business. I think probably if he is a stalker or whatever he more than likely will not follow you all the way back home, either. He is probably just a really nice guy looking for a really nice girl. Good luck!
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #18  April 15,2009, 7:45am
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tbesq,577669 wrote :

Generally speaking, I don't have a problem coming to the woman. If it's a cross-country LDR, I would suggest meeting halfway. If it's cross-state, depending on the state, I'd have no problem making the trip; in some cases, it might be cheaper to fly cross-state than to drive. Long-distance distances can definitely be very complex.
Yes, they canso do you think short distance distances are lesscomplex?! Sorry tbesq, I just couldn't resist!
 
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