Serious question during these economic times......


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lizard47 is offline lizard47 Post #1  March 12,2009, 9:41pm
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would you start a relationship with someone who is currently unemployed? Or do you think that someone who is unemployed should focus solely on finding a job and not be seeking out a relationship?
 
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k374 is offline k374 Post #2  March 12,2009, 9:53pm
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I wouldn't exclude someone just because they were unemployed, provided they were looking for another job and were EMPLOYABLE, meaning they weren't just a bum who would be unemployed anyway regardless of the economy
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #3  March 12,2009, 10:04pm

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Good question, Lizard. It is probably something that people are going to have to deal with more and more often.


One of my eH matches was unemployed and we went out a couple of times. For me, his unemployment was not a mark against himsince he seemed to be actively seeking and did seem to want to be gainfully employed. Unfortunately on the second date, I just felt like I was going out with my younger brother so there went that. So I guess I have never had to deal with someone's unemployment in the context of a relationship and I can imagine if it was a long unemployment then that could be a major stressor on a relationship.


As to whether it should be a mark against them because they should be focusing on finding a job, I don't know. Maybe it is a sign that they can roll with the punches life throws at them and still enjoy life. Maybe it shows that work does not consume them or that their work is not what defines them as a person and for me, I find that attractive. But then again, I guess it may show a bunch of negative things too.


I guess it just comes down to the same thing as everything else (looks, occupation, car) - how much of this stuff that we see/use to form an idea in our head of this person really adds up to anything resembling who they actually are? I think we just need to meet people and get to know them and then decide if they are people we want in our lives.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #4  March 12,2009, 10:30pm
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lizard47, wrote :

would you start a relationship with someone who is currently unemployed? Or do you think that someone who is unemployed should focus solely on finding a job and not be seeking out a relationship?
I wouldn't rule it out, but I would proceed cautiously.


It depends on whyshe losther job, did she save her money wisely, is her family and friends supportive of her, is she still employable and aggressively looking for work, or is she at least getting retrained in something else.


But from my experiences and observations, I have found it extremely difficult to date unemployed women, women living at home going to school full time, etc.


The main reason being that things can change drastically on a dime once they get a job, and its a huge emotionally draining mental effort looking for work, establishing oneself to a new job,or completeing school.


I am willing to be and have been friends with someone who is unemployed, as long as they dont panhandle money off me. Only when I see how things are when she gets back on her feet and gets established back in her career will I jump into a relationship.


Its just too often that people change drastically once they get back on their feet, and I cant deal with that instability at the beginning of a relationship.


I recently experienced a current relationship of 2 years going down the drain just like that when my gf suddenly got fired from her job. It was tough enough someone I was already dating lost her job.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #5  March 12,2009, 10:39pm
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It makes me wonder, though, when one of my matches is unemployed and to why she is looking for a relationship.


Also, it makes me wonder when a woman who is working full time and going to school full time or in a career transition is looking for a relationship.


From my experiences, most of these types of women were just looking for something light off to the side or were looking for someone to to have fun with and fund their lifestyle.


I cant speak for what unemployed men are like looking for a relationship on eH.
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #6  March 12,2009, 10:43pm
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I don't think I'd rule it out but I would like to know that anyone I date has been respected in his line of work and enjoys what he does. An unfortunate pink slip could always come my way, no one is completely stable these days. But I'd like to know bottom line that my guy works hard, takes pride in his work and is hopefull that he can quickly find a job that would be intellectually rewarding again as much as he is happy to be gainfully employed.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #7  March 12,2009, 11:08pm
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One of my friends told me she read an article saying that more people will be looking for love during these economic times because they have more time on their hands (if they have lost their job), and some might be more lonely/vulnerable. Not exactly great reasons for looking, but I can see why for some people that might be a catalyst to get them going.

As to dating someone unemployed, it really depends on if he was actively seeking employment or sitting on the couch watching tv all day collecting unemployment. Huge difference, yes to the former and no to the latter. Now if he had saved some money and he was getting by fine then I'd be okay with him taking a break from it all. Sometimes people need a break from the rat race and they know they can be employed again. I guess it comes to meeting the man and seeing his overall character.


I think if I was already dating someone who got laid off, then of course I would keep on with the relationship because I would know his character and his work ethic.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #8  March 12,2009, 11:24pm
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my5cents,527750 wrote :

I think if I was already dating someone who got laid off, then of course I would keep on with the relationship because I would know his character and his work ethic.
Be careful with this! I got burned bad by my gf who claimed to get innocently laid off from her job.


I took for granted that she was responsible just because she was college degreed and had a white collar job. It turns out she was a goof off and was alienated by all of her co-workers. She got fired because she was marginally getting her job done and noone liked her. It turns out she was going to work late and leaving early everyday.


She lied to me and led me to believe she was financially responsible and passionate about her job.
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #9  March 12,2009, 11:24pm
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I've been matched up with some unemployed women on EHarmony, it's not really an issue with me I still initiated GC with them. If they're a gold digger thats easy to figure outif we started dating. Sort of a tougher break for men probably as far as dating goes. It's a dealbreaker for a lot of women, even though he might have six figures sitting around in his bank account, her loss I guess, she'll never find out . I've taken time off of work before in between jobs on purposebecause I was financially able to.Unemployed doesn't necessarily mean poor, broke, or "doesn'tlike to work".
 
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lizard47 is offline lizard47 Post #10  March 13,2009, 8:55am
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gr8galmv,527725 wrote :

I don't think I'd rule it out but I would like to know that anyone I date has been respected in his line of work and enjoys what he does. An unfortunate pink slip could always come my way, no one is completely stable these days. But I'd like to know bottom line that my guy works hard, takes pride in his work and is hopefull that he can quickly find a job that would be intellectually rewarding again as much as he is happy to be gainfully employed.
That is one of the problems in these economic times because quickly finding a job is not what it used to be and not everyone realizes this.


I also asked this question because as someone mentioned job hunting takes a toll on a person emotionally and psychologically.
 
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