Men-need your advice (women to)-newly dating someone


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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #1  March 11,2009, 9:55am
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Dreaming about summer vacation

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I am a member to of the other online dating service. I starting emailing someone two weeks ago, we talked for a week on the phone, and then we met on Saturday. From the beginning the conversation flowed, the first night on the phone we talked for four hours, and our first meeting that was supposed to just a quick cup of coffee, turned into dinner and talking for 8 hours. He appears to be a very genuine,sincere and very attractive person. He identifies himself as wearing his heart on his sleeve and that I would never have to worry or wonder how he feels-he would tell me. We talk several times a day (he callsme and I call him)and over the last two days (it was only three days ago that was our first meeting) he has said three times that I should call anytimes and that he can not wait for the phone to ring to hear from me and that he can not wait to see me again and that I have been on his mind constantly since our meeting. We are having dinner tonight.


I am not sure how to take this since it is so early. He is established in his career, age 34, owns his own home, truck and toys, basically stable in those ways. But I am not sure about him saying these things so early on-is it a sign of insecurity in him? In his last relationship (18 months ago), he was engaged and his financee cheated on him and got pregnant to another man and left him. He only has been online for three weeks and only met one other person and said there were no sparks.


Any insight?
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #2  March 11,2009, 10:13am
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He does sound overzealous. He seems to know what he wants and he's going after it. How refreshing.Maybe just keep conversations more light for now. If he gets too serious too fast, pull on his reins. lol
 
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McT is offline McT Post #3  March 11,2009, 10:14am
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Only he knows how he feels and what he means by the things he says. It's impossible for us to tell you anything definitively- some will tell you stories of how similar things happened to them and things went well. Others will tell you stories from the opposite side.


As long as you like him so far, I'd just say to take things one day at a time, try not to over-analyze & just maintain a healthy level of caution until a bit later on when you're both more comfortable with each other and have discussed being an exclusive couple.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  March 11,2009, 10:16am

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People like this scare me. I assoiate it with impulse control. They seem to be the type that will run hot and cold. One day they are totally into you calling you 3 times a day and then one day, well....they just don't feel it...and to them that is reason enough to give up.


Its not that the feelings are wrong, but its like they don't know how to control themselves. That is what frightens me.


Yes, i would be very cautious.
 
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janissary is offline janissary Post #5  March 11,2009, 10:34am
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Love takes time.



Go on your own schedule. Don't be rushed into anything by this dude.
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #6  March 11,2009, 10:38am
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cp30,525109 wrote :

People like this scare me. I assoiate it with impulse control. They seem to be the type that will run hot and cold. One day they are totally into you calling you 3 times a day and then one day, well....they just don't feel it...and to them that is reason enough to give up.


Its not that the feelings are wrong, but its like they don't know how to control themselves. That is what frightens me.


Yes, i would be very cautious.
+1000


BTDT several times with this sort. For your own sanity, you have to set the pace of the relationship, and maintain boundaries (emotional and otherwise) you're comfortable with. Don't allow him to rush you into something you're not ready for.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  March 11,2009, 10:39am
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Only he knows what's in his head, but you should be cautious and slow things down to your comfort level. Let's face it - you really can't keep up this burning pace forever or you will get burned out and so will he for that matter.


Also, I would be cautious about possibly being the rebound girl if he has not dated since his engagement broke off. I would definitely explore that situation and take everything that he says with a big grain of salt and be sure that his actions and words actually match. Some people who have been cheated on, get over it, some people get scarred for life and their future relationships become very difficult as a result.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #8  March 11,2009, 10:47am
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The best way to deal with this is define yourself. Be sure of your wants and desires. Be sure of what you are comfortable with and what you are not.


The reason i say this is because this type of behavior could mean anything. If you know where you stand and have clearly defined boundaries, then you can take everything he says to heart and know whether or not he is rushing to put all his information out there so you have all the "good" things about him and can make an informed judgment, or if he's rushing you into something you may not want to do.


I do know that if he's only been at this for 3 weeks, he maybe nervous. He maybe exactly what he claims by wearing his heart on his sleeve by opening himself (maybe a little too much too quick) to you.
 
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luvablefrog is offline luvablefrog Post #9  March 11,2009, 10:51am
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only you know what's right for you. Just by asking the question it shows you had a big "red-flag" go up. It's entirely possible that he is 100% serious in what he's saying, and that he's emotionally ready for the next step and is going for it full-tilt. It is also possible that he's just feeling some type of connection (that could grow into something) but fears being alone/failure/etc, so he's gonna push for he whole "exclusive commitment" way faster than either of you should go. Get to know the REAL person. No matter how much you "click", it's still a process that takes some time. Just for myself, I would try to gently slow the pace. Spend time with him, enjoy it, but try not to flip head-over-heels too quickly. As CP said, these type of people seem to blow hot and cold quickly. Either way, I wish you luck and happiness.
 
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sweetT is offline sweetT Post #10  March 11,2009, 11:11am
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I believe men will tell you what you want to hear until they get what they want. So, I'd have to say... Take your time, date him longer and try to hold off on sleeping with him. If he's only around for the wrong reasons you'll know pretty quickly.
 
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