Telling a woman to be friends


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
someguyoneh is offline someguyoneh Post #1  March 10,2009, 5:39pm
someguyoneh's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2008

Posts: 114

See profile



This post is mostly for women to respond to, but guys feel free as well. Here's the scenario: a guygoes out with a woman on a date, or a few, and you both seem to hit it off, but the woman suddenly doesn't want another date, or doesn't call back. Some time goes by, maybe a couple weeks or a month, and out of nowhere you start talking, or emailingagain (initiated by the guy),however, this timethe man says I had areally nicetime with you,sowe should do something again, but only as friends, simply because he enjoys her company. This happened to me once, and I genuinely just wanted to go out and have a drink not expecting anything, but her company, and we ended up sleeping together that night. Is telling a woman to be friends a turn on? Is it that I became a challenge? I'm curious to here people's response.
 
  Reply With Quote
janissary is offline janissary Post #2  March 10,2009, 5:41pm
janissary's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 233

See profile



I can't tell if she likes to hunt, but she sounds liberal to me. Possibly horny too. That's all.
 
  Reply With Quote
David_Lewis is offline David_Lewis Post #3  March 10,2009, 7:08pm
David_Lewis's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2009

Orlando FL

Posts: 160

See profile



Yes, in my experience, telling a woman let's just be friendscan spark or amplifythe emotion of attraction.


The theory behind it involves theprimitive emotion of fear*and the compliancy trigger of scarcity. Primitive emotionsspark sexual arousal andcompliancy triggers help create the perceptual filter ofprizability.


* In this case,fear of loss (in that she losesher freedom to possess you).
 
  Reply With Quote
utterlyconfused is offline utterlyconfused Post #4  March 10,2009, 8:21pm
utterlyconfus…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

someguyoneh, wrote :

This post is mostly for women to respond to, but guys feel free as well. Here's the scenario: a guygoes out with a woman on a date, or a few, and you both seem to hit it off, but the woman suddenly doesn't want another date, or doesn't call back. Some time goes by, maybe a couple weeks or a month, and out of nowhere you start talking, or emailingagain (initiated by the guy),however, this timethe man says I had areally nicetime with you,sowe should do something again, but only as friends, simply because he enjoys her company. This happened to me once, and I genuinely just wanted to go out and have a drink not expecting anything, but her company, and we ended up sleeping together that night. Is telling a woman to be friends a turn on? Is it that I became a challenge? I'm curious to here people's response.
Yeah, it sounds like you challenged her. A woman loves a good challenge. She had to prove that she could have you if she wanted you. I'm guessing you didn't continue sleeping together.
 
  Reply With Quote
someguyoneh is offline someguyoneh Post #5  March 10,2009, 9:00pm
someguyoneh's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2008

Posts: 114

See profile

utterlyconfused,524558 wrote :




Yeah, it sounds like you challenged her. A woman loves a good challenge. She had to prove that she could have you if she wanted you. I'm guessing you didn't continue sleeping together.
Thanks for posting everyone. Actually I did continue seeing her for a couple months, but it was mostly a friends with benefits type situation.
 
  Reply With Quote
someguyoneh is offline someguyoneh Post #6  March 10,2009, 9:03pm
someguyoneh's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2008

Posts: 114

See profile

David_Lewis,524445 wrote :

Yes, in my experience, telling a woman let's just be friendscan spark or amplifythe emotion of attraction.


The theory behind it involves theprimitive emotion of fear*and the compliancy trigger of scarcity. Primitive emotionsspark sexual arousal andcompliancy triggers help create the perceptual filter ofprizability.


* In this case,fear of loss (in that she losesher freedom to possess you).
Wow, thats a pretty well thought out response.
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #7  March 10,2009, 9:34pm
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile



Telling me you want to be friends would neither be a turn on or off. It would mean we would see each other in a situation without the pressure and expectations of a date. Perhaps then it is easier to be yourself and to show something that is attractive that is not apparent on a couple of dates with a relative stranger.


My relationships have all started from men with whom I was friends. Neither of us said let's be friends--we just were. That did not present a challenge, but an opportunity to get to know each other.
 
  Reply With Quote
robv_la is offline robv_la Post #8  March 10,2009, 10:50pm
robv_la's Avatar

Looking forward to another snow season

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2008

Long Beach, CA

Posts: 1,333

See profile



It depends on the dynamic. In this case, she likely didn't perceive you as a challenge before, you showed too much interested and so she backed off. Later, you indicated lack of interest or indifference and so the dynamic changed. You now posed a challenge to her, she couldn't take your attraction for granted anymore.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  March 11,2009, 3:35am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,744

See profile



Or maybe she just wanted a casual fling and not a relationship. Since you took the relationship off the table it opened the door to what she was really looking for at the moment. Her sleeping with you does not equal desire for more than that. Shocking I know, but happens.
 
  Reply With Quote
timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #10  March 11,2009, 4:30am
timeless2's Avatar

wants you to have a Hippo Gnu Eel!

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2008

Philliesland

Posts: 3,866

See profile

DancingFool,524846 wrote :

Or maybe she just wanted a casual fling and not a relationship. Since you took the relationship off the table it opened the door to what she was really looking for at the moment. Her sleeping with you does not equal desire for more than that. Shocking I know, but happens.
No?!?!OK, she just may not really be that into you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Dating turned bad. | Dating | premature "terms of endearment" - don't call me "baby" on the first day we meet! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The guy who wrote the Tao of dating is kind of interesting. I'd check him out if you're looking for a coach. Seems like a lot of the advice he has is good for other areas of life, too.” –  nightling

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“ Snob. It is a board game, as is Candy Land, and it is no more important. Hah! Yeah, but...my chess board is two-tone onyx; doesn't fold in half. So I forgot about it being a "board" ... ” –  j0hn8andy

Join the “Favorite Board Game” discussion

“So, I just heard from the Matchmaker. Apparently Bill had time to call her from the road. lol She said, in so many words, that he started by enumerating the qualities he loved in me (looks, ... ” –  123noname789

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“I think women who are fabulous don't need to say so on a date, and as a result come across as comfortable in their own skin.I think women who are fabulous also generally understand that making the ... ” –  nightling

Join the “What do you mean I'm not fabulous?” discussion

“ That's the impression I've gotten.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“Recent advertisement for EH got me to wondering, will there be a way to tell if someone is just on for the free weekend? With people signing up just for the weekend how will paying members know ... ” –  ItsOkayToLook

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“Thanks to you people, today I have "Crazy Penguin Catapult."” –  D_Lion

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:18pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0