Transitional Relationships aka The Rebound


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VickiWA2008 is offline VickiWA2008 Post #1  March 8,2009, 3:58pm
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Ok read this article the other day that stated (according to the author) a transitional relationship also known as the rebound relationship is a healthy and necessary component for healing from a break up.


So bascially in a nutshell you are supposed to use this person and learn from the brief relationship to take to your next healthy relationship. And he stated that the transitional relationship is doomed form the start because the normal areas that you choose for a mate that you like are lessened. In other words your so focused on healing from the breakup that you choose someone that was never a good match for you in the first place. And you can have several transitional relationships in your life and some are not so short term either but they will always fail eventually.


So you use the person and move on and its a good thing. I dunno I wouldnt want the be the reboundee here . What are your thoughts on this? I guess healthy and rebound in the same sentence doesn't quite click lol. Would healing yourself before getting into a relationship be a better way to go?
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #2  March 8,2009, 4:06pm
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VickiWA2008, wrote :

Ok read this article the other day that stated (according to the author) a transitional relationship also known as the rebound relationship is a healthy and necessary component for healing from a break up.


So bascially in a nutshell you are supposed to use this person and learn from the brief relationship to take to your next healthy relationship. And he stated that the transitional relationship is doomed form the start because the normal areas that you choose for a mate that you like are lessened. In other words your so focused on healing from the breakup that you choose someone that was never a good match for you in the first place. And you can have several transitional relationships in your life and some are not so short term either but they will always fail eventually.


So you use the person and move on and its a good thing. I dunno I wouldnt want the be the reboundee here . What are your thoughts on this? I guess healthy and rebound in the same sentence doesn't quite click lol. Would healing yourself before getting into a relationship be a better way to go?
I agree - healing yourself before getting in a relationship would be a better way to go. Using someone for a rebound is not so nice.
 
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SoCo1 is offline SoCo1 Post #3  March 9,2009, 8:03am
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Life is what happens when you're making other plans. I was on eHarmony a long time ago and was trying to get over a break-up. I had gone out with one person who I thought would just be casual dating and fun for a whilewhilehelping me move on.


I married her.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #4  March 9,2009, 8:35am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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VickiWA2008, wrote :

Ok read this article the other day that stated (according to the author) a transitional relationship also known as the rebound relationship is a healthy and necessary component for healing from a break up.


So you use the person and move on and its a good thing.
That has to be, quite possibly, the worst advice I have ever heard.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #5  March 9,2009, 8:53am
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VickiWA2008, wrote :

Ok read this article the other day that stated (according to the author) a transitional relationship also known as the rebound relationship is a healthy and necessary component for healing from a break up.


So bascially in a nutshell you are supposed to use this person and learn from the brief relationship to take to your next healthy relationship. And he stated that the transitional relationship is doomed form the start because the normal areas that you choose for a mate that you like are lessened. In other words your so focused on healing from the breakup that you choose someone that was never a good match for you in the first place. And you can have several transitional relationships in your life and some are not so short term either but they will always fail eventually.


So you use the person and move on and its a good thing. I dunno I wouldnt want the be the reboundee here . What are your thoughts on this? I guess healthy and rebound in the same sentence doesn't quite click lol. Would healing yourself before getting into a relationship be a better way to go?
YES!


I would never want to be the 'transitional'
 
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inn is offline inn Post #6  March 9,2009, 10:25am
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ok.. let's be honest here. How many have you been engaged with someone and that little voice inside you said "he (she) is not the right one"? I used to believe onworking on myself and THEN finding someone.One can only grow with others, whether it be your furry friends, trusted friends and/or lovers. Life is about growing. If you do happen to find someone in transitional, it's up toBOTH of you to make thatdecision. It's a mutual agreement ... especially if your both rebounding.


I've gone out with a couple of guysthat wererebounding, but at that time, I was rebounding myself. It was mutually agreed upfrontthathonesty was a must and that there were no commitments.There wasalot of growth that took place and we learned a lot from each other. The relationshipsended when the lessons were learned. (funny howthat worked itself out)
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #7  March 9,2009, 12:34pm
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VickiWA2008, wrote :

Ok read this article the other day that stated (according to the author) a transitional relationship also known as the rebound relationship is a healthy and necessary component for healing from a break up.


So bascially in a nutshell you are supposed to use this person and learn from the brief relationship to take to your next healthy relationship. And he stated that the transitional relationship is doomed form the start because the normal areas that you choose for a mate that you like are lessened. In other words your so focused on healing from the breakup that you choose someone that was never a good match for you in the first place. And you can have several transitional relationships in your life and some are not so short term either but they will always fail eventually.


So you use the person and move on and its a good thing. I dunno I wouldnt want the be the reboundee here . What are your thoughts on this? I guess healthy and rebound in the same sentence doesn't quite click lol. Would healing yourself before getting into a relationship be a better way to go?
So what the author says is that you take the hurt you are feeling and share that with some unsuspecting person hurting them in the process?


What goes around, comes around.


I say better to take some time off and get your head back on straight and hope that the next person you're in a realationship with hasn't read that article.
 
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CloseCall is offline CloseCall Post #8  March 9,2009, 3:44pm
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I've been on the receiving end of this far too many times. I've had nearly a dozen guys get married to the next person they date AFTER me. I'm the proverbial warm up act or healer, or trainer or whatever you want to call it and I'm done with that! If a man hasn't been out of his last relationship for at least six months, I'm not going out with him again. I've gotten very jaded because of this and I'm working on healing my own attitude before I dump it on anyone else. It may be "necessary" for some people to heal because they can't stand to be alone, but it is really hard on the person who gets attached to the hurt persib in the process.
 
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RowTheBoatAshore is offline RowTheBoatAshore Post #9  March 9,2009, 4:28pm
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I don't know that it is realistic to think that anyone can "heal" from a failed relationship in isolation. I hear the advise that one should go off on their own and get over it before approaching another relationship often. To be sure there are many things that you should confront and think about on your own, but I think that inevitably the first few relationships that you wander into have the potential of being transitional. Relationships are... well relational. And you have to experience the dynamics of a relationship before you even realize what all of the factors that you are working through are going to be. It is not necessarily an evil,premeditated ploy, it is simply part of the journey. I think that it is reasonable to expect that someone who is out in the dating world for the first time after a breakup is going to experience some starts and stops before finding their stride again. As with ANY relationship, it is important to be honest with one another and to expressthe feelings that you are actually experiencing rather than the feelings that you long for. The pain comes in when someone is not being honest, either with you or themselves and expectations build that cannot be fulfilled.
 
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janissary is offline janissary Post #10  March 9,2009, 5:25pm
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It depends on when that 2nd person comes along. If it's within the recovery period, it usually doesn't go anywhere. If it's outside of 6 mos to 1 year and the person is emotionally health, then it can lead to a LTR. Many of my ex-bfs married the next girl after me!
 
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