Transitional Relationships aka The Rebound


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Piccola is offline Piccola Post #11  March 9,2009, 5:28pm
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SoCo1,522072 wrote :

Life is what happens when you're making other plans. I was on eHarmony a long time ago and was trying to get over a break-up. I had gone out with one person who I thought would just be casual dating and fun for a whilewhilehelping me move on.


I married her.

Good for you!
 
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VickiWA2008 is offline VickiWA2008 Post #12  March 9,2009, 6:26pm
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janissary,522751 wrote :

It depends on when that 2nd person comes along. If it's within the recovery period, it usually doesn't go anywhere. If it's outside of 6 mos to 1 year and the person is emotionally health, then it can lead to a LTR. Many of my ex-bfs married the next girl after me!
These are all very interesting replies thanks. The article did say to lessen the chances of it being a transitional rebound kind of thing, you should give yourself one month alone for every year in the relationship. For example 10 year marriage should give yourself at least 10 months before serious relationship.


Vicki
 
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CloseCall is offline CloseCall Post #13  March 9,2009, 6:37pm
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VickiWA2008,522854 wrote :

janissary,522751 wrote :


It depends on when that 2nd person comes along. If it's within the recovery period, it usually doesn't go anywhere. If it's outside of 6 mos to 1 year and the person is emotionally health, then it can lead to a LTR. Many of my ex-bfs married the next girl after me!


These are all very interesting replies thanks. The article did say to lessen the chances of it being a transitional rebound kind of thing, you should give yourself one month alone for every year in the relationship. For example 10 year marriage should give yourself at least 10 months before serious relationship.


Vicki
It usually takes me as long as I was in the relationship AT LEAST, but typically it takes me twice as long as the relationship was for me to completely let go. I didn't get over the "love of my life" for more than 10 years. So yes, I'm guilty of being in a transitional relationship while I was getting over someone else. I'd like to think I learned my lesson from that. Now I just need to learn not to get involved with someone else who is in transition...
 
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fun4pooh is offline fun4pooh Post #14  March 9,2009, 6:41pm
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VickiWA2008,522854 wrote :

janissary,522751 wrote :


It depends on when that 2nd person comes along. If it's within the recovery period, it usually doesn't go anywhere. If it's outside of 6 mos to 1 year and the person is emotionally health, then it can lead to a LTR. Many of my ex-bfs married the next girl after me!


These are all very interesting replies thanks. The article did say to lessen the chances of it being a transitional rebound kind of thing, you should give yourself one month alone for every year in the relationship. For example 10 year marriage should give yourself at least 10 months before serious relationship.


Vicki
I had heard it was more like a 10 year relationship needed 5 years to heal.


I seperated Spring of 06. Found myself in a relationship and realized after almost 3 years I had healed from my ex... but had not healed from the issues he left me with.


In turn... I am no longer in a relationship. This break up though did open my eyes and is helping me heal today.


I don't think this could have been possible without the relationship that just broke up. Was he my rebound... I don't think so. Was I his... who knows.


I think you don't know how you will act until you are back in that situation. We were both polar opposites of our ex spouses yet we found ourselves in similar scenarios. So when this happens with another person that is when you begin to reflect and heal on the mistakes that you make. This would not be possible alone.
 
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VickiWA2008 is offline VickiWA2008 Post #15  March 9,2009, 6:48pm
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CloseCall,522869 wrote :




It usually takes me as long as I was in the relationship AT LEAST, but typically it takes me twice as long as the relationship was for me to completely let go. I didn't get over the "love of my life" for more than 10 years. So yes, I'm guilty of being in a transitional relationship while I was getting over someone else. I'd like to think I learned my lesson from that. Now I just need to learn not to get involved with someone else who is in transition...[/quote]

I had one relationship so far since my ex after about 6 months. I felt like it was a rebound but not immediately. I cared fornew guyvery deeply great guy just he has a journey to go through and I didnthave the emotionalenergy to go through it with himit would have beeneasy for me to stay with him and not be lonely etc. I ended the relationship instead of using him once I realized what I was doing. I do believe that if he got some of his issues handled he would make a good boyfriend. Overall though I still think about him and it was only a 3 month relationship.


Sometimes you dont even realize it but when people do they should save people heartache and end the rebound relationship. Before with my ex I dont think I was emotionally healthy so it took me a long time to get over things. Now with all the lessons learned (even in a short term relationship) I don't hold on as much I just look like well glad I found this out now before anyone got really hurt. The real problem I think is people carry an old relationship into a new one. Being if still hurt and angry about ex, it comes in the new relationship in some form or another. Got be fair and give this new person a clean slate to work with.


God Bless


Vicki
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #16  March 9,2009, 7:20pm
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Anyone who makes any prediction about the length of healing time is an idio t. For instance a 10 year relationship = 5 years to heal. I wound up widowed after 24 years of being married and I have no intention of waiting 12 years to consider starting a new life.





It is when it is and I don't need any Christian Carter or any other wannabe author with an on-line book telling me my time is right.
 
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Dinobrago is offline Dinobrago Post #17  April 14,2009, 12:58pm
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Ditto on tweet37, I was widowed after 22 years of being happily married. It's ludicrous to make a blanket statement about how long it takes to heal.


You have to be careful interpreting the whole "transitional relationship" thing. It's something that researchers have dubbed in hindsight looking at relationships that form after a breakup - divorce, death, whatever. So if you've just divorced and you want to have a fun relationship without any intention of marrying the person, so what? Isn't that just being honest? How else do you find out what you like? or dislike? Isn't having fun healing?
 
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wpr101 is offline wpr101 Post #18  April 15,2009, 8:23am
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It's probably more applicable to younger people than older people who are notfully developed. Like a couple who went out with each other all throughout high school and then most of college... might have trouble knowing much about themselves without that person there.
 
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