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Steve_Harvey Steve_Harvey is offline
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kathy22 wrote :

I have been seeing this person for 2 years and 2 months. He is 20 years older than me, He never seems to want to commit . According to him he needs time to get his life together but he wants me to be around because i am a special. He tells that after his divorce he has had his share of women but i am the closest one. He took me to his mother's house but only told her i was a good frined.
It is like this: If it has been two years and two months and you don't have a title yet, you can just know the man is not in love with you. He may love things you do, but he is not in love with you. If he is taking you over to his mom's house and introducing you as a friend, he is not even professing his love to you. If a man just tells you he loves you, but he is not willing to share that with anybody else, then a man is just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. That is how we work. If he is 20 years older than you, he knows better. The three things that drive a man, of course, in my book is paramount. You should pick up a copy. The other part of it is, other than the three things that drive a man, you have to look at: are you getting what you want out of the relationship? If you want a commitment and you are not getting one, is this really the relationship for you? If he is introducing you just as his friend after two years, what are you to him? That is the golden word to us. Every man will say, "You are special to me." That is right under "I love you" to a woman. Once a woman hears those words, "You are special," a woman is thinking, "I am special. In a moment, he is going to say those magic words, 'I love you.'" That is not necessarily the case. You have to evaluate what you want out of the deal. The dude is getting everything he wants from you. He is content. Twenty years younger, sleeping with him, calling him -- he hollerin' at you when he wants to holler at you and he doesn't have to make a commitment. Oh, he is thoroughly content. You have to ask yourself if you are content.
- March 10th, 2009, 11:23 am
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CleopatraJones wrote :

Hi Steve!


I'm a big fan of yours and I can't wait to read your book. I just got out of a 5-year relationship with a decent guy. The problem is that my family continues to socialize with him and it drives me crazy! I don't want to bad mouth him to with them over, but I feel like my family hanging out with him is extremely disrespectful to me. Am I just selfish, or do I have a case? Thank you!
You got a case, it seems like to me. The question you have to ask the guy from the male perspective is: What the h*** does he keep hanging around for? A guy that hangs around with your family after he has broken up with you, he is only doing it for a couple of reasons: No. 1 to piss you off, to aggravate you and to show you what you still missing. Another reason could be he wants you back. I don't know enough about it to make that call. He is just rubbing it in your face. One thing about guys is we know how to be selfish. We know how to break it off and move on with our life. I don't know if your family really likes you, or likes pissing you off and showing you that you made a mistake, I don't know what they are doing, but I know what he is doing. From the male perspective, we know how to move on. If he is not moving, he either wants you back or he is trying to rub it in your face. I don't know how to handle your family, because I don't know your background. But I can tell you where the guy is coming from and it is not a good place. If he is trying to win you back, she has to look at that right there. He is either trying to win her back or piss her off. We are really that simple.
- March 10th, 2009, 11:25 am
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Scotch wrote :

Hi Steve!


I hate to generalize, but do you think in general that men are just way too selfish and self absorbed? I see that alot with the men in my life, friends, family members, etc. Is there a way to positively impart change on this behavior?

That could be true from your perspective that the men in your life are way too self-absorbed. But let me explain something to you: If he is being self-absorbed and "all about him" is outweighing you getting the things that you want and you need then he is going to win out every time. You can control some of that. A lot of behavior that happens to women is allowed to happen. If you have a guy who is trying to make it all about him, and have it all his way, then it is obvious that you have not explained to him your set of standards and your requirements. One of the rules I have about men is: We will only give you as much respect as you command. If you don't command the respect or attention, we won't give it to you. I am sorry, we just won't, because if we can get what we want from you and pay little for it, that is what we will do. You have to look at herself. If it keeps happening in your life, then what are you requiring of these men? What are the standards that you have set? Is it a requirement that they pay you attention? That they are listening to what you want, to what your hopes and dreams are? If your man is always talking about his [hopes and dreams], it is obvious he doesn't understand what yours are. He has his plan bigger in your life than you do playing out in your own life and I think that is the dangerous part right there.
- March 10th, 2009, 11:27 am
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Thanks everyone for submitting your questions to Steve! We regret that he did not have time to answer each one personally. Locking this thread now so the above can stay on the site as a resource for our Community.
- March 10th, 2009, 02:09 pm
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In his new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man , Steve Harvey reveals what men really think about love, relationships and commitment -- and how women can tell if they have a man with whom they can make plans, or a man who is just playing with them.


Post your dating or relationship question for Steve Harvey here.





This Q&A is now closed; however this thread will remain on our boards as a resource for our Community.
- March 10th, 2009, 02:12 pm
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