Resolved: "Nice Guys" are not nice.


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pntherchk is offline pntherchk Post #21  February 27,2009, 5:08pm
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RobInPlano,507716 wrote :

peg099,507710 wrote :


RobInPlano,507674 wrote :


I have a comment.


I'm one of the "nice" guys, and the only attribute I have of those that you listed is that I'm boring.


But, I'm not one of the "nice" guys that whine a lot. So maybe you're just drawing your conclusions from listening to whiners.


Rob, you may be closer to being a good man than a nice guy. I'd say work on the boring and you're all set


Of course it's always possible that I have the "dishonest" attribute, and I lied about the rest
well at least you can admit to your possible flaws, I agree more good guy than nice guy.
 
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MikeCameron is offline MikeCameron Post #22  February 27,2009, 5:09pm
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zal, wrote :

After reading (and participating) in other "nice guy" threads. I decided to start my own. Women say they want nice guys. They ask "Where are all the nice guys?" Meanwhile, the so-called "nice guys" complain that women only want to be their friends. They complain about women saying that they want nice guys, but then date "jerks". So, what gives? My premise is that so-called "nice guys" are NOT "nice". They are not nice because they have the following bad traits:


1. They are manipulative.


2. They are fundamentally dishonest.


3. They are weak.


4. They are smothering.


5. They are boring.


6. They are lifeless.


Any comments?

When a guy calls himself a "nice guy" it reminds me of George W. Bush calling himself a "compassionate conservative." If you're compassionate, you don't have to advertise it. It reminds me of something somebody told me once about heroes. Heroes don't know they're heroes; they just are.

My whole thing is I want a "good woman", not a "nice woman." Of course I would like her to be nice and kind, but not to listen to her tell me every five minutes how she is nice.
 
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simpletonHeart70 is offline simpletonHeart70 Post #23  February 27,2009, 5:10pm
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pntherchk,507711 wrote :

simpletonHeart70,507699 wrote :


zal, wrote :


After reading (and participating) in other "nice guy" threads. I decided to start my own. Women say they want nice guys. They ask "Where are all the nice guys?" Meanwhile, the so-called "nice guys" complain that women only want to be their friends. They complain about women saying that they want nice guys, but then date "jerks". So, what gives? My premise is that so-called "nice guys" are NOT "nice". They are not nice because they have the following bad traits:


1. They are manipulative.


2. They are fundamentally dishonest.


3. They are weak.


4. They are smothering.


5. They are boring.


6. They are lifeless.


Any comments?





yeah, I have no idea what women are talking about when they say "nice guy". But for whatever definition they use, they seem to not want to be around them.


As I mentioned, we don't want someone who say they are a nice guy, we want a guy that is. And when the first words out of your mouth are "i'm a nice guy" thats a lie. Everyone screws up, everyone does things that are not nice. Saying that you are a nice guy is a line. a way to maipulate a woman into trusting you. If you are really a good person, who deserves our time, let us figure it out, we're smart. If you are as nice as you say you are, we'll catch on, we're not dumb.
yeah, typically women break up with guys and say "you're a nice guy" or "you're too nice". So that kind of goes against what you're saying.


And guys that think they're nice or push that up front generally don't get very far. Its the same with women, if a women is overly nice she seems very desperate. I'm guessing the same is with men.


Also, if you're not a very nice person, you probably don't want someone that's nice either. You probably want to skank around with another person who doesn't make you feel like you aren't a nice person.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #24  February 27,2009, 5:11pm
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RobInPlano,507716 wrote :

peg099,507710 wrote :


RobInPlano,507674 wrote :


I have a comment.


I'm one of the "nice" guys, and the only attribute I have of those that you listed is that I'm boring.


But, I'm not one of the "nice" guys that whine a lot. So maybe you're just drawing your conclusions from listening to whiners.


Rob, you may be closer to being a good man than a nice guy. I'd say work on the boring and you're all set


Of course it's always possible that I have the "dishonest" attribute, and I lied about the rest
*shriek*
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #25  February 27,2009, 5:12pm
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I've never known a genuinely nice person toadvertise themselves as nice.


The nice people I have known have a fair amount of humility and don't draw attention to themselves. (not to be confused with low self esteem).
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #26  February 27,2009, 5:14pm
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Would you agree that "desperation" and "low self esteem" may be the key factors in what separates a "nice guy" from a "good man" per Peg's definition?
 
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teacherlady is offline teacherlady Post #27  February 27,2009, 5:18pm
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MikeCameron,507724 wrote :

zal, wrote :


After reading (and participating) in other "nice guy" threads. I decided to start my own. Women say they want nice guys. They ask "Where are all the nice guys?" Meanwhile, the so-called "nice guys" complain that women only want to be their friends. They complain about women saying that they want nice guys, but then date "jerks". So, what gives? My premise is that so-called "nice guys" are NOT "nice". They are not nice because they have the following bad traits:


1. They are manipulative.


2. They are fundamentally dishonest.


3. They are weak.


4. They are smothering.


5. They are boring.


6. They are lifeless.


Any comments?





When a guy calls himself a "nice guy" it reminds me of George W. Bush calling himself a "compassionate conservative." If you're compassionate, you don't have to advertise it. It reminds me of something somebody told me once about heroes. Heroes don't know they're heroes; they just are.

My whole thing is I want a "good woman", not a "nice woman." Of course I would like her to be nice and kind, but not to listen to her tell me every five minutes how she is nice.
I agree that people who advertise their qualities generally are not very reliable reporters.


I think we may still be far away from a definition of "nice guy." To me, a nice guy is a guy who isn't always thinking of himself and has compassion for others. He doesn't take advantage and doesn't have an agenda.


Nothing not to like there.


However, someone who is insecure, whiny, and has something to prove doesn't really qualify as a "nice guy"; more than likely, as has been said, he's a manipulator. We've all met those.


I did find on eH that the guys that talked a lot in their profiles about how nice they were usually turned out to be anything but--for what it's worth
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #28  February 27,2009, 5:20pm

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RobInPlano,507734 wrote :

Would you agree that "desperation" and "low self esteem" may be the key factors in what separates a "nice guy" from a "good man" per Peg's definition?
I think it is way too variable and complicated to try to put a label on it just like that. low self esteem does not make someone the opposite of good. But it can make them selfish, if they can't see past their own need for approval. That is where the "manipulation" comes in that I noted. If someone is so self absorbed in their quest to be liked they can become manipulative and that is not nice, or good.
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #29  February 27,2009, 5:21pm
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teacherlady,507740 wrote :

I did find on eH that the guys that talked a lot in their profiles about how nice they were usually turned out to be anything but--for what it's worth
Guys actually go on about how nice they are in their profiles? Seriously? LOL, I'm having trouble imagining that.
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #30  February 27,2009, 5:22pm
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cp30,507743 wrote :

I think it is way too variable and complicated to try to put a label on it just like that. low self esteem does not make someone the opposite of good. But it can make them selfish, if they can't see past their own need for approval. That is where the "manipulation" comes in that I noted. If someone is so self absorbed in their quest to be liked they can become manipulative and that is not nice, or good.
I agree; I was being way too simplistic. Still, I think that in general, there may be a correllation (sp?).
 
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