Finally decided to let my Ex go.


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MarianneVA is offline MarianneVA Post #1  February 22,2009, 6:55am
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My Ex and I were together 7 years ago. We lived together for a year.Everyone used to tell me (including his Mother) that he and I would end up getting married. We laughed a lot and most importantly we liked each other as friends, too. Unfortunately, the relationship ended. I had just graduated nursing school and had a lot of stress with my new job and he had a problem communicating with me when he was upset...





The relationship broke up amicably and we each went our seperate ways. He moved to NC and I continued training at my new job. We would keep in touch via email, and one day he sent me an email that he was getting married. He had met this woman and proposed not even 6 months after dating me. I told him that he was marrying thet wrong woman and that he would end up divorced.





Every once in a while he would email me through the years. I never responded as I had feelings for him still and I felt it was wrong to talk with him-I would want more.


One day he emailed me telling me he was seperated from his wife, and he was getting a divorce. He told me how sorry he was that things ended the way they did for us. I still had a lot of hurt....I was really hurt that he had married another woman and I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He agreed not to talk to me anymore.





A year later I looked for him on a social networking site and found him. I sent him a friend request, and he accepted. (this was in November).


We got to talking, and we met up for a coffee. We had a great conversation-talking about why we ever broke up, and really seeing why things didn't work. He also described what I was wearing on our first date, where we went, and told me almost everything from our first date...what we talked about, what we did.......


He also told me he married her on the rebound from me, and his Mother had told him an hour before he got married that he could still back out of the wedding. He also told me that he kept wishing I would come and stop the ceremony. Well, I didn't and he got married. He told me that he lost everything in the divorce: his business, his dog, a time share that they had bought together, and that she even tried to take his car but since he had that before they got married he got to keep it.


After the coffee, we decided to keep in touch. He would call me several times a week, and talk anywhere from one to three hours a day. He would text me all through the day and email me as well.



Well, I told him that with all this talking, I was starting to have feelings for him again. I told him that if he didn't feel the same way that we needed to back off...he said that while he does have feelings for me he's afraid of getting married again or having a serious relationship-that his ex wife really hurt him and how he feels like a failure at life.


He also said that he knows I'm not evil and am not out to get him, but he needs time. I asked him to meet face to face to talk but he put me off ignoring my email asking to meet and talk (he lives in NC). I finally sent him an email several hours later saying to forget it. He shot me an email right back saying he was on the phone (no, he wasn't. he was chatting back and forth on the social networking site). I sent him an email saying to forget it, and I deleted him from my friends. He sent me an angry email saying how he 'see's me for what I was after' and 'thanks for the support'.





I sent him one back saying I was deleting him from my social networking page, but not from my cell. I also said that if he was that upset he could have at any time called me to talk about it.





He hasn't.





I've come to realize that he's "just not that into me" and decided that I can make a choice in my life: trying to fix something that is not fixable or to move on.





I'm moving on. I joined Eharmony to find the love of my life-I'm not waiting for a guy that doesn't want me.





thanks for reading my post.. I know it was long but I feel better getting all this off my chest.
 
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funnyhair09 is offline funnyhair09 Post #2  February 22,2009, 7:13am
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MarianneVA,


Thanks for sharing. It's not uncommon for people who have broken it off in a serious relationship to try to connect with someone from their past. It's really just a safe way to explore feelings again without the pain of rejection. At least you recognize it for what it is and have moved on. One thing I'll mention is, a lot of time we tell people things because we are hoping for a response back....like when you said,


"I sent him one back saying I was deleting him from my social networking page, but not from my cell. I also said that if he was that upset he could have at any time called me to talk about it.





He hasn't."


People who move on, don't do this. If you truly moved on you would just erase him, remove from the friend's list, buddy list, cell phone, contact list, etc. I know it's hard but it really will be liberating thing for you. How much more pain will you allow this person to cause in your life? Telling him to call if he wants to talk about it, and then not getting a call is causing pain for you .


I hope you will be strong and will take good of yourself.
 
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beachyplum is offline beachyplum Post #3  February 22,2009, 7:14am
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It always feels good for me to write my feelings down, so I understand completely. I hope that you have found the closure you need to truly move on - there will be someone wonderful who will sweep you off your feet - so you need to be ready! )
 
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MarianneVA is offline MarianneVA Post #4  February 22,2009, 7:16am
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Thanks ladies :-)





Funnyhair09 what you said was really insightful. I just deleted him from everything. You are right. I was just causing more pain for MYSELF and I'm not going to do that.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #5  February 22,2009, 7:41am
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Congratulations, Marianne.


I admire you for what you have done because it is a very difficult thing to do. Based on your post, I believe you have done the right thing.


Writing does help getting things out of your chest. When you look back some day of those things you wrote when things were tough, you will be so happy and proud that you are no longer in that state.


Also, if the place you work for helps with counseling, I believe you should sign up for it to help you heal and move on faster.


Best wishes to you and do take care of yourself.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #6  February 22,2009, 8:08am
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Marianne--congratulations on taking a positive step forward. Things obviously didn't work out with you the first time around with your ex, and now he has the added baggage of not trusting women since his divorce. A relationship between the two of you could only be even worse than it was the first time. I wish you luck in getting past this pain andfinding the love of your life.
 
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MarianneVA is offline MarianneVA Post #7  February 22,2009, 8:13am
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MelinCali-


Since I've made the decision to stop trying to work things out I've actually felt great!! It's like this huge weight has been lifted off me. I'm NOT waiting for him to call, I'm NOT hoping things will work out, I'm NOT pining for him.


A part of me will always love him-he was an important part of my life, but he is a part of my past and that is where he will stay. I truly do hope that he works things out in his own life but I'm not waiting for him.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #8  February 22,2009, 8:20am
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MarianneVA,499907 wrote :

MelinCali-


Since I've made the decision to stop trying to work things out I've actually felt great!! It's like this huge weight has been lifted off me. I'm NOT waiting for him to call, I'm NOT hoping things will work out, I'm NOT pining for him.


A part of me will always love him-he was an important part of my life, but he is a part of my past and that is where he will stay. I truly do hope that he works things out in his own life but I'm not waiting for him.
I'm glad to hear it. Yes, sometimes finally making a firm decision about a stressful situation relieves a huge emotionalburden. I think you have a healthy perspective on the wholesituation now and will be more likely to find the happiness you deserve.
 
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thefinerlife is offline thefinerlife Post #9  February 22,2009, 9:04am
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Marianne, I know excatally how you are feeling. I have been dealing with a very simalar situation. Although, it was 14 years for us, and yes we live together and planed to be married. we got back with each other in Dec. 08 and now all of a sudden there is no call at all from him. I have know idea what happened and he wont return calls.


I really do kow how it feels. I know we have a conection but why the disapearance. I have just recently went from sad for myself, to sad for him, to angry aout him and about myself to let this happen, to just plain confusion about it all. I am not at the state of if he did call i am not sure I would pick up the phone. I have to keep close to me that what we did have at that time was wonderful and remeber that things always happen for a reason, maybe my reason is that there is someone else out there that would be better for me, or I am meant to be the old lady in the rocker on the porch with the cats..... lol


whatever it is... it is what it is.


Thanks again for sharing. I hope all goes well for you. Just remember the times sharing and thank goodness you had those times.
 
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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #10  February 22,2009, 12:02pm
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Marianne, you are inspiring. Some women wouldn't be able to get out of a friendship with so much grace like you did. You inspire me.
 
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