How to deal with dishonesty?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  February 19,2009, 10:25pm
my5cents's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

California

Posts: 655

See profile



I know that many people have talked about the little lies that we catch people in through internet dating, i.e. age, weight, jobs, etc. What would you all do if you caught the person lying about their age? They admit their dishonesty and otherwise sound like a genuine person. We have not met yet, and I'm really on the fence about continuing to talk or nipping it in the bud. I think a lot will agree with me that it's not the age that matters so much but the lie. If they lie about their age, what other lies truly lie beneath?


So what would you all do? Continue or squash it so to speak?
 
  Reply With Quote
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  February 19,2009, 10:27pm
tbesq's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,536

See profile



I would squash it. There's no reason for someone to lie about their age, let alone other vital statistics.
 
  Reply With Quote
Tyym is offline Tyym Post #3  February 19,2009, 10:30pm
Tyym's Avatar

is moving forward...

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

British Columbia, CANADA

Posts: 2,896

See profile



my5cents, wrote :


I know that many people have talked about the little lies that we catch people in through internet dating, i.e. age, weight, jobs, etc. What would you all do if you caught the person lying about their age? They admit their dishonesty and otherwise sound like a genuine person. We have not met yet, and I'm really on the fence about continuing to talk or nipping it in the bud. I think a lot will agree with me that it's not the age that matters so much but the lie. If they lie about their age, what other lies truly lie beneath?


So what would you all do? Continue or squash it so to speak?


Can you or did they speak to the deception in the first place? I'm not really big on dishonesty... especially when you're looking for a mate... What good excuse is there apart from an honest mistake on their profile... I believe that can happen, but in the end.. I'm responsible for the information I place on my profile... people will basing their decisions on whether they are interested in me by the information I provide there. If it is an honest mistake and it sounds plausible to you... it is ultimately your choice to overlook the mistake.. if on the otherhand, they have been outright in their dishonesty...
 
  Reply With Quote
gwoman is offline gwoman Post #4  February 20,2009, 1:16am
gwoman's Avatar

apologizes for being MIA. Life, you know....

Pacesetter

Joined: Oct 2008

Northern NJ

Posts: 341

See profile



I'm with you. If they lie about their age, then they may lie about other stuff. It becomes a matter of trust. Funny, I just told the guy that I was dating that the minute I caught him in a lie, I'd be out the door. I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to keep asking myself, is that the truth or is it a lie? Too much stress!!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #5  February 20,2009, 3:41am
javajava5's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2007

Posts: 3,320

See profile



Dear My5Cents,


Have had several matches lie about their age - including a lawyer! I've always closed the match. Lying is never acceptable.


I'd advise you to close the match as the lie has already set a negative tone. Don't look back. Tell the person why and advise him to call eHarmony and come clean. Tell him that trust is of extreme importance in a relationship and once violated, is very hard to regain.


Find a match who is honest and possesses integrity! This guy seems not to have these traits.


JavaJava5
 
  Reply With Quote
peg099 is offline peg099 Post #6  February 20,2009, 3:44am
peg099's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Sep 2008

Canada

Posts: 12,516

See profile



I don't respect liars, and I don't want to be with someone I don't respect.


Just say no. It's pretty simple really.
 
  Reply With Quote
flip is offline flip Post #7  February 20,2009, 5:05am
flip's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

NJ

Posts: 47

See profile



I agree with the majority here. Why, when looking for a mate, a "SIGIFICANT OTHER", would you want to start out a relationship with dishonesty? It'sonly a matter of a couple of numbers. True, it could have easily been a mistake (a typo), but then, once realized, it could have easily been corrected too. If one is willing to lie about their age, what other skeletons are waiting behind that closet door?


I made that regretable mistake with my recent ex (of 7 yrs.). Early on, I caught her in a couple of lies, but let them slide because I was struck by that little bug of love. As time went on, more was revealed. And look where it led. As of now, I have no time for liars whatsoever.


My attitude towards a possible SO who lies: "Don't let the door hit ya, where the Good Lord split ya".
 
  Reply With Quote
Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #8  February 20,2009, 5:44am
Dafearon's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Maryland

Posts: 2,181

See profile



Dissenting opinion, warning warning warning...


Everyone lies. Its a fact. Sure, those who lie about their ages are just asking to be punked because its so obviously easy to figure out. But to say someone lied about something turns into someone is a dishonest person is too far a stretch in my opinion.


So i think the name of this post is correct. How to deal with dishonesty. Not how to deal with a lie. If this lie constitutes dishonesty, yes, then deal with it accordingly.


Example. Your date is late. You are angry because you took extrordinary measures to be on time and its all for naught because your date arrived at a time when you did not need to take those extrodinary measure. He/she apologizes profusely, but you're still angry. Do you tell her your still angry, or do you just accept it, say "its okay" and move on. If you say "its okay", then you just lied. Does that make you a dishonest person? No. But you still lied.


People who lie about their weight, age, and anything else about themselves that is easily verifiable have problems. They are trying to portray themselves as something they are not. Younger, lighter, richer, etc. THATS dishonest. I believe they subscribe to the theory that its easier to do and ask forgiveness later than to ask permission now. But lying by itself is not dishonest if looked at from another perspective.
 
  Reply With Quote
Altair is offline Altair Post #9  February 20,2009, 6:51am
Altair's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2008

Artesia, Ca.

Posts: 796

See profile



I'm not saying lying is alright, but this is just another way of looking at it right or wrong - What is fudging on age but a white lie. It is not a major infraction Take someone who looks really young for their age. They are 55 but finds no on is interested in anyone that age. This guy has everything going for him, but because of his age he is passed up without so much as a profile read - age discrimination? But he sees Joe Blow at age 50, who could be his twin, getting all kinds of interest. So he fudges on his age by 5 yrs and then starts getting equal play. People routinely lie on more important things , like their taxes, yet that is overlooked, as well as every white lie we tell in order to spare some bad feelings. Isn't that dishonesty too? Telling someone you like their profile, even though it really stinks, in order to spare any hard feelings and to suck up is dishonesty. Yet that would not come into play for rejecting someone for dishonesty, or would it?. I know, where do you draw the line at actual dishonesty? NOTE : This is just food for thought and is not necessarily the view of the poster. OK, let the conversation commence.
 
  Reply With Quote
gwoman is offline gwoman Post #10  February 20,2009, 7:28am
gwoman's Avatar

apologizes for being MIA. Life, you know....

Pacesetter

Joined: Oct 2008

Northern NJ

Posts: 341

See profile



Oh, what a slippery slope we weave, when we practice to deceive...........


I guess the reason for the lie needs to be understood in order to determine whether this is a deal-breaker or not. Yes, we all tell white lies, ie, dinner was GREAT, when it was only so-so.


But something that can be verified should not be lied about. It makes it very difficult to trust and isn't that one of the most important things in a relationship?
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« My Checklist ~ Reasonable or TOO selective? | Dating | How do *you* define chemistry? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The guy who wrote the Tao of dating is kind of interesting. I'd check him out if you're looking for a coach. Seems like a lot of the advice he has is good for other areas of life, too.” –  nightling

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“ Snob. It is a board game, as is Candy Land, and it is no more important. Hah! Yeah, but...my chess board is two-tone onyx; doesn't fold in half. So I forgot about it being a "board" ... ” –  j0hn8andy

Join the “Favorite Board Game” discussion

“So, I just heard from the Matchmaker. Apparently Bill had time to call her from the road. lol She said, in so many words, that he started by enumerating the qualities he loved in me (looks, ... ” –  123noname789

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“I think women who are fabulous don't need to say so on a date, and as a result come across as comfortable in their own skin.I think women who are fabulous also generally understand that making the ... ” –  nightling

Join the “What do you mean I'm not fabulous?” discussion

“ That's the impression I've gotten.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“Recent advertisement for EH got me to wondering, will there be a way to tell if someone is just on for the free weekend? With people signing up just for the weekend how will paying members know ... ” –  ItsOkayToLook

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“Thanks to you people, today I have "Crazy Penguin Catapult."” –  D_Lion

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:01pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0