Need Advice!! Am I just a ""booty call" or does he really love me??- UPDATE!!


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littlejeannieej is offline littlejeannieej Post #41  February 23,2009, 11:08am
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Steve_Cam,501553 wrote :
littlejeannieej,501448 wrote :

I just wanted to clarify...a couple of people have misunderstood minor details (I know my post is pretty long and confusing...).* Paul is not a musician, nor is he in a band....we both work for the same band.* And I don't think he's slept with anyone else.* He is not what most women would consider attractive..., and he's not that sexually driven...(except when drinking and that's when he calls me).* And according to his friends he doesn't do that.* Just wanted to clear that up....I would never date a musician...lol.
But booty calls are on!


-Steve Cam
You betcha!!
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #42  February 23,2009, 1:31pm

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littlejeannieej,501699 wrote :

Steve_Cam,501553 wrote :
littlejeannieej,501448 wrote :


I just wanted to clarify...a couple of people have misunderstood minor details (I know my post is pretty long and confusing...). Paul is not a musician, nor is he in a band....we both work for the same band. And I don't think he's slept with anyone else. He is not what most women would consider attractive..., and he's not that sexually driven...(except when drinking and that's when he calls me). And according to his friends he doesn't do that. Just wanted to clear that up....I would never date a musician...lol.


But booty calls are on!


-Steve Cam

You betcha!!
You are awesome! I love honesty!


-Steve Cam
 
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littlejeannieej is offline littlejeannieej Post #43  March 11,2009, 12:12pm
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My situation is a little complicated, as I guess most are. I'll try to summarize and start from the beginning, including enough details so that I can get some much needed advice.


About six months ago I met "Paul". We both work for the same rock band (I am publicist, he is road/stage manager). It all started when the lead guitarist invited me over to the "band" house for a casual dinner and to get some work done online. (All of the guys in the band live together in the same house, along with Paul). The guys were drinking shots...I didn't drink at all. It became quite obvious as the night wore on that the guitarist meant to get me into bed that night. I respectfully did not, and devoted most of my attention to Paul. After the guitarist passed out on the sofa from too many shots...Paul and I began talking and getting to know one another a bit....watched a movie together, and ended up sleeping together in his room.


Over the next couple of months, late night sex at his place continued, although we tried to keep it a secret, as it wasn't good form, because of the band. The guitarist was actually one of the few who knew about it. (by the way, he and Paul are best friends). Ah...confused yet?


Paul and I were not exclusive, so I dated a couple of other guys who were not affiliated with the band. Paul abruptly told me one night that it was over...stating the reason was because too many people had found out about us. I stated that I was extremely hurt by this, that I liked him a lot, and that I saw no reason we needed to be so secretive. He stated that it was "just sex" and he couldn't believe I was hurt at all.


A month later he began calling/texting again...late night. And when I was able I would run over for the "booty calls" again. I still had deep feelings for him. One night after he'd been drinking, he told me he loved me. Then he said, "no, I can't love you! I hate you. But I don't hate you. I love you". But he won't say any of this to me sober. How frustrating for me!!! Again, since we weren't exclusive, I began dating other people...I met a great guy, Frank, who was great friends with the band members from years back. (he and Paul had never met). I became pretty smitten with this guy and Paul knew all about it. I stopped having sex with Paul and only saw him in a business setting. It became clear after awhile that Frank and I were destined to only be friends (and now he's one of my best friends).


Fast forward...my birthday was last month, in January....I went to Paul's late that night and slept with him. I could tell he'd been drinking a bit. After sex we laid in bed and talked awhile....he again told me he loved me. I responded with a "yeah, right". Then a couple of weeks later my friend Frank came into town and stayed the weekend with me. (we didn't touch at all). He hadn't seen the band in a few years and we surprised them at a show. It was a nice reunion. The bad part was....Paul left the show, and pretty much disappeared the entire weekend while Frank was in town. He looked really hurt, and I felt bad. After Frank went back home (3 hrs away), I texted Paul and told him that Frank and I were just friends, and didn't sleep together at all.


A couple of days later he texted me late night and asked me to come over. I did. He, again, seemed to be drunk. After sex, we talked for a couple of hours. He again said "I love you" and I again said "yeah, right". We talked about the previous "break up", and he admitted that the real reason was that he thought I was dating too many other guys. I told him I wasn't seeing anyone else now. He told me all about the recent trip he'd just made to Vegas, and how he got to see his mother while there...she lives in L.A. and he doesn't see her much. He also said if he'd won money, he would have bought me a diamond ring. I responded with "I don't like diamonds". He said fine, he'd give it to his mom then. We also talked that night about us...and how it would be a little complicated, because of the whole band situation. But didn't really come to any conclusions.


Last night was his birthday, and I wanted to come over and see him....he said he'd be out with the guys, and he'd let me know if he was available....I never got a phone call or text from him. I'm a little hurt and confused. I bought a pair of tickets to see his favorite band in concert (concert is in a couple of months) for his birthday, but he doesn't know yet, since I haven't seen him. I've been crying about this. I realize that I am in love with him and I want to be with him and no one else....but not sure what's going on in that brain of his.


He only says he loves me when he's drinking....he ignores me sometimes...we do text or talk a couple of times a week as friends....he told a mutual friend of ours a couple of weeks ago that he made a mistake with me..... I don't know what to think!!!


Does he really care? Is it just sex? Is he afraid? Is it because of the band, or his best friend? Are my negative responses making him think I don't care? Should I tell him how I feel next time he says it? Why does he only say it when drinking? Are drunken words sober thoughts? Is he just not that into me? ANY and ALL advice from MEN and WOMEN would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for taking the time to read this!!!!





OH AND THIS IS AN EDIT: There is also an age difference....I am 40, he is 28. I'm wondering if that makes a difference to him.








HERE IS A FINAL UPDATE: Paul broke up with me...although he does indeed have feelings for me, he doesn't see any long-term potential with me. The age and band situation were both factors, as was his best friend. He was really against the relationship, and stated that quite emphatically. I wasn't nearly as heartbroken as I would have thought. I started seeing a very nice man, a few years older than I am, who I'd started seeing the beginning of December, and had put him on the backburner for Paul. I'll be posting another advice question regarding that relationship...heehee. Thanks for all of the great advice. I think the end answer to my initial question was, yes I was a "booty call" that turned into both of us developing feelings. It was never meant to be. I'm a firm believer in the notion that whatever is meant to be will happen. No matter what.





Thanks!!
 
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Kitty123 is offline Kitty123 Post #44  April 22,2009, 4:48am
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Hi there, I also need some advice; when I was drunk and walking down the street with a guy, an other guy (Australian)approached me,. said I was hot and asked for my number. I gave it to him and went home. I live in Holland by the way.


The week after that, I went to a bar, and saw him. He approached me and told me he texted me, and thought he didn't get the number right. He missed one number, and adjusted it to his phone.


That sunday, he called me at 04:30. I noticed that, and called him back. He asked if I would come over to his place. I told him to come over to mine instead.


He brought me a tulip, we talked and had some drinks, and ended up in bed, had great sex.


Told me he could meet me at wednesdays, fridays and sundays.


I told hem to call me, asked himwhen he would. He said he'd call me tuesday.


Then mondaynight he called, if I would be able to meet him. I didn't want to, beacause it was late and I had to get up early. Asked him why he called, because we agreed to call tuesday. He said he couldn't wait to see me. I told him not to call me in the middle of the night.


The next day, I received a text message, he invited me over for some drinks and snacks at his place with his friends. We had a good time, and while we watched several movies, he cuddled me and we behaved like a couple in love.(kissing, touching) I wasn't sure if I would sleep over, but I guess he counted on that, because he took me to his room, and had beentidying up for me.


We had great sex again, all night. I told him I didn't just liked the sex, but also himself.


He told me he liked me too. He also told me that he dislikes woman that want romantic stuff, movie first, cuddling. He said that when it is obvious that 2 persons like eachother, you can skip these things and have sex.


I left that day, said: cal me"He answered: "answer me"


I was starting to get nervous, I can't stand waiting for a guy to call me, so I called him that friday. He just woke up (it was one ó clock am), and asked him if he had any plans that week.I said: so we can NOT be watching a movie, IF you know what Imean.."He replied: "I knowexactlywhat you mean.."He said he didn't have any plans besides working, and you? I told him I had plans to go out saturdaynight. Asked him when we would see eachother that week. He said: maybe I'll call you saturday", what are your plans tonight?" and: "where will you be going out?" Told him where.


I told him I was just gonna chill with my friends tonight.


I said, just call me okay, he said: ofcourse!


That saturday I went out until bars closed, still no call from him.I decided to call him myself, and he wanted me to come over to his place. He was with a friend, they partied and he obviously wanted me, we had sex in a closet and on the balcony. He told his friend how fine I am and that sort of things. Then they decided they would go to Amsterdam.I was gonna go home. When I arrived, he called me; there were no trains running yet, so he would come back and spend the night at my place. Told me he would rather be with me. I said: "uhuh, sure" We had great sex again, and he stayed all day after. I asked him why he did'n't call me that night, he said he rememebered I told him not to call me in the middle of the night.


He told me it wouls be convenient to spend another night at my place, cause the owners of his place would come over and check the place. We spent the evening and night watching tv, cuddling, having sex, talking. He told me"you are precious" and that kind of stuff. He treated me very well. We talked and had sex all night, we didn't get any sleep. I decided to skip work that next day. (he was off from work) We got up, ate some, drank some, had sex. Then he was called by a company where he applied for a job, in Amsterdam. He got the job, and also arranged a place to live there. He was really happy, and at that same time I came to the conclusion I would not see him anymore once he moves to Amsterdam. It made me sad, and he noticed. Told him I did't know what to do with him anymore now. He replied: nothing. We have great sex, great talks"


He said he was not ready to be exclusive with someone. I immediately told him I knew that, and also knew it would end some time, that I am not in love with him,but like himand don't want anyhting more than this.


Told him I would just continue having fun with him.


(it's true, but also wanted to reassure him) He said he's not afraid I want anything more.He said he would be in Apeldoorn once and a while,(when he has moved)and that he would miss me too. When he left, he mentioned something that related to the next time, I also told him what we could do next time. So I expect there will BE an next time.When he left,he said "I'll see you later"


Told him I would not call him, because I dón't know his working schedule. (changes all the time, he works in a bar) Told hem to call me when he has time. He said: I'll call you."


So now I'm worried, will he call me? I'm not sure, and I hate that feeling of waiting and insecureness. What should I do? I just want some more fun with him, that's all.


Text him, check what his plans are, call him friday? I want to know if he wants to see me again!


Give me some advice please!
 
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