Need Advice!! Am I just a ""booty call" or does he really love me??- UPDATE!!


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
legend29 is offline legend29 Post #31  February 21,2009, 6:14pm
legend29's Avatar

men are like a box of chocolates...you never know what you'll get!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

NY

Posts: 4,600

See profile

littlejeannieej,498306 wrote :

legend29,498193 wrote :


littlejeannieej,498176 wrote :


legend29,498148 wrote :


Steve_Cam,497884 wrote :


On the 'truth comes out while drunk' idea, Thats just BS. Sure alcohol helps with making the lips loose, but it is hardly truth serem. It helps in telling lies to get things done just as much as it helps in letting the truth flow. I would say that more often than not it lets people exagerate the truth than it does open the window to the heart.


Sitting down and talking to the guy and letting him know you are at a turning point and need to make a decision is what I would do if i were in your situation. Let him know what you need, what you expect, and what your looking for. If he isnt willing to commit that, then you need to take some inventory and decide what you want and if the booty call is worth the sacrifice. I think you already know the answer to that.


-Steve Cam


I fully agree with your post!


(I know you didn't mean for it to be funny, but I'm still snickering about the reference to "truth serum"....thanx to youI had to cleanoff my keyboard after spewing my mint green tea all over it! )


But... I digress all (with full apologies to the OP)...Please PROCEED!


Yes, the whole alcohol = truth serum, or "In Vino Veritas" debate could be a separate topic in and of itself...however, as poetic and romantic a notion it may be...there is no scientific evidence that it does, in fact, bring out the truth. I think, if anything, it lowers inhibitions, and magnifies whatever a person is feeling at the moment. It makes people "not themselves", so I agree that the "truth comes out while drunk" idea is BS.





Thanks for all of your comments!! I've enjoyed each and every one so far!!


I apologize again ifI in any way seemed to make light of your situation. I mean, you took the time to write a really well-written post, so I know you are truly seeking advice. SometimesI can be a real knucklehead whenI don't have anything earth-shattering to say..!


BTW: SinceI didn't have anything constructive to add to the thread, I would strongly suggest taking Linda and Tyym's advice (as well as other posters to this thread)


(*slinking back to my corner to take my "anti-knucklehead, don't be an idiot, act like a normal person," meds...need to turn off my 'twisted-sense-of-humor neurons.....argh*!!!!!!!!)





Oh, no! Please don't apologize! I've enjoyed all of the comments...I love the humor! I have a rather twisted sense of humor myself! I didn't think you were making light...and I appreciate your nice comment =) I do think I know what I need to do....although I welcome as many more responses as I can get, just to see what the majority says.




Thanx LilJean.....
 
  Reply With Quote
luvablefrog is offline luvablefrog Post #32  February 21,2009, 6:44pm
luvablefrog's Avatar

Is getting discouraged-where have all the princes gone?

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

georgia

Posts: 908

See profile



This is just my thoughts on this. I do think he sees you as the "ol' reliable", if you will. Attractive, dependable, and yep reliable on the "booty call" as well. I know you want to hear him say "I love you, want you, etc." But tell the truth- do you REALLY believe the whole drunken " i luuuuvs you, baby" thing? Do you even want to be with someone who sounds for all the world like an alcoholic-in-the-making? I think you know, deep inside that what you are hoping for proably isn't going to happen, the same as most of us know the answers to the standard posts that keep popping up here. We just hope, deep in our hearts, that THIS time will be different, that OUR case will be that "one in a million" that breaks the tedium. And it COULD be- but in this case my dear, I really doubt it. My advice would be to walk away, to find someone that values you all the time- not juist when he's drunk at midnight. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #33  February 22,2009, 8:32am
Icouldwriteab…'s Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

Denver, Colorado

Posts: 540

See profile



Okay, what kind of "relationship" do you have now? What if you both profess your love to each other? Will it change anything? Would he instantly start taking you to the movies and out to dinner? He should be wanting to do that anyway, if he is remotely interested in you for something other than sex.


You go to his house for late night booty calls. He has what he wants. Has he ever taken you on a real date? Have you ever spent time together and NOT had sex? And I mean outside of the house he lives in with his buddies.


Maybe you are also happy with the booty calls? Even regardless of whether he loves you or you love him, I would want more out of a relationship. Actually, you don't even really have a relationship at all, let along love, in my eye anyway. I don't mean to sound harsh but it seems like 90% of what you have IS just sex. Yes, it sounds like you have talked some (mostly after sex, see the theme?), but does he ever call you to talk otherwise during the day, etc. Again, have you ever been ona real date?


Maybe you need to also evaluate if you really love him as well.
 
  Reply With Quote
lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #34  February 22,2009, 9:00am
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

california

Posts: 1,364

See profile



oh, well, he may very well love you. it's just that it may not be worth a hill of beans. love is just a feeling. it may inspire some to enter a partnership; many times it does not.





anyways, you know, "never date a musician."
 
  Reply With Quote
peg099 is offline peg099 Post #35  February 22,2009, 9:38am
peg099's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Sep 2008

Canada

Posts: 12,516

See profile



lil_lamb,499894 wrote :


oh, well, he may very well love you. it's just that it may not be worth a hill of beans. love is just a feeling. it may inspire some to enter a partnership; many times it does not.





anyways, you know, "never date a musician."


Actually, love is more than a feeling. It's a verb. "To love". To feel love isn't the same thing as loving someone (not how it's a verb in that sentence) - though ideally feelings of love overlap with loving. It's the way that a person treats you in the little every day things that really defines whether they love you.


But yeah, if all you have is the feeling, without the action, that part alone isn't worth a hill of beans.
 
  Reply With Quote
lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #36  February 22,2009, 5:42pm
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

california

Posts: 1,364

See profile

peg099,499938 wrote :

Actually, love is more than a feeling. It's a verb. "To love". To feel love isn't the same thing as loving someone (not how it's a verb in that sentence) - though ideally feelings of love overlap with loving. It's the way that a person treats you in the little every day things that really defines whether they love you.


But yeah, if all you have is the feeling, without the action, that part alone isn't worth a hill of beans.
it is, but i've given up on talking about it that way. i think when people say they love you, virtually all of the time they're talking about how they feel. and it's a feeling that means they'd like to stand within your two-feet of personal space, not that they want to take on a mortgage with you.
 
  Reply With Quote
peg099 is offline peg099 Post #37  February 22,2009, 5:56pm
peg099's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Sep 2008

Canada

Posts: 12,516

See profile



lil_lamb,500683 wrote :


peg099,499938 wrote :


Actually, love is more than a feeling. It's a verb. "To love". To feel love isn't the same thing as loving someone (not how it's a verb in that sentence) - though ideally feelings of love overlap with loving. It's the way that a person treats you in the little every day things that really defines whether they love you.


But yeah, if all you have is the feeling, without the action, that part alone isn't worth a hill of beans.


it is, but i've given up on talking about it that way. i think when people say they love you, virtually all of the time they're talking about how they feel. and it's a feeling that means they'd like to stand within your two-feet of personal space, not that they want to take on a mortgage with you.


Yeah, I hear what you're saying - part of the reason I pointout that it's a verb is in the hopes that someone might read it and get it, because most people don't think beyond the feeling. Just doing my part to help others realize what they are saying when they say it


And never date actors either - though it was an actor who helped me figure out that meaningful love is a verb, mostly because of his lack of action despite his wonderful words.
 
  Reply With Quote
sillymama is offline sillymama Post #38  February 22,2009, 6:14pm
sillymama's Avatar

IS Wishing ManeiNeko AND DLion Love and Success!!!!!!

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

Rocklin, CA (sacramento area)

Posts: 504

See profile



I'll admit I have not read everyones posts so forgive me if someone has already said this.


1. When you love someone, you are not ashamed of it.


2. He only calls you late at night for sex.


3. You both have had other sexual partners while this was going on.


4. You are NOT dating each other.


5. Nothing said while drunk can be trusted, EVER.


6. Men also crush beer cans on their heads while drunk, I don't take that seriously either.


I hope you have the stregnth to not continue this cycle any longer (unless you want ONLY a booty call). You are a booty call, save yourself some time and engery and move on to someone who will not be ashamed of you who will love you in the light of day WHILE SOBER. Everyone deserves better!
 
  Reply With Quote
littlejeannieej is offline littlejeannieej Post #39  February 23,2009, 8:01am
littlejeannie…'s Avatar

never claimed to be a lady...

Quick Study

Joined: Feb 2009

Texas

Posts: 50

See profile



I just wanted to clarify...a couple of people have misunderstood minor details (I know my post is pretty long and confusing...). Paul is not a musician, nor is he in a band....we both work for the same band. And I don't think he's slept with anyone else. He is not what most women would consider attractive..., and he's not that sexually driven...(except when drinking and that's when he calls me). And according to his friends he doesn't do that. Just wanted to clear that up....I would never date a musician...lol.
 
  Reply With Quote
Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #40  February 23,2009, 10:00am

is going to clean house

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

San Antonio

Posts: 753

See profile

littlejeannieej,501448 wrote :

I just wanted to clarify...a couple of people have misunderstood minor details (I know my post is pretty long and confusing...). Paul is not a musician, nor is he in a band....we both work for the same band. And I don't think he's slept with anyone else. He is not what most women would consider attractive..., and he's not that sexually driven...(except when drinking and that's when he calls me). And according to his friends he doesn't do that. Just wanted to clear that up....I would never date a musician...lol.
But booty calls are on!


-Steve Cam
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Boundaries for the overprotective family? | Dating | Would you tell someone you're dating about this site? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:50am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0