Women need to stop jumping into the sack so quickly


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m8se69 is offline m8se69 Post #21  February 18,2009, 10:15am
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equestrian2121, wrote :

I feel like I am one of the few classy women left (especially living and working in Manhattan). Women seem to jump into bed with men so quickly these days. What bothers me most about women doing this is that it negatively affects me. When I go out on dates, men expect me to sleep with them on the first date. It's insane. While I don't condone men acting in this way, I do feel that a big part of why they expect it is because women so quickly sleep with men these days. Women need to have more respect for themselves and make men wait. I'm trying to bring sex back to being a sacred act, not so commonplace. By doing so, I think men will gain a new respect for women and will start courting women more. I think it will create a win-win for both women and men alike.
Perhaps you need to look at 2 things.


The type of a guy you are dating.


The signals you are sending out.


Because I have never had a man think we would be having sex on the first date. Not many men will turn down that opportunity. But not many will expect it either.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #22  February 18,2009, 10:19am
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I_have_the_simplist_of_tastes_,493377 wrote :


I think we should get past the concepts of whether it is "classy or not" or "moral or not". I believe the concern should be with when is it in the best interest of developing a long lasting relationship. So therefore, you have to distinguish between dating and having sex simply for the pleasure of it, or treating sex and intimacy as one of the elements of a relationship that one wants to put time and effort into for a lasting relationship.


The discussion really is much more interesting without the judmental tone...


First you must know what you need.
And secondfind out their own creed.
The third is to share.
And determine from there.
The schedule for doing the deed.


(sorry...I agree with your post, but I've been writing limericks all morning.)
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #23  February 18,2009, 10:22am
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Equestrian, I think part of the problem is that you're dating in Manhattan, and from what I've heard, that can bea whole different kettle of fish.


That being said, I agree with what m8 said: take a look at the types of guys you're dating. If that's not the type of guy you want to be with, figure out how or where you might be able to meet a different calibre of men. They're there (even in Manhattan) though they may be harder to find.
 
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littlespud is offline littlespud Post #24  February 18,2009, 10:23am
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I am in shock here! People are really sleeping together on the first date?! Okay, i'm being a little sarcastic, but really only a little. I guess if you're dating looking for a relationship, that would be a pretty silly move.


But, OP, there is a better way to look at it i think. If you feel all the other women are giving it up on date one, (which i doubt a bit...but..that's beside the point) then wouldn't you want to be the one to stand out? Wouldn't you prefer to find the man who respects you for wanting to wait?! You can use everyone else's 'easiness' to your advantage in that way.


don't get me wrong, i like $ e x as much as the next guy, but i have NEVER done it on a first date. Or probably even a 2nd or 3rd. I actually ask each man i'm with to get tested first. Sounds shocking, but they've ALWAYS obliged. One time a man said no, and i simply didn't see him anymore. i didn't feel a loss at all. The STD testing is a good idea, because it takes the pressure off, and basically 'forces' each person to wait at least two weeks. That's a smidge better than 2 dates.


 
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friedrice is offline friedrice Post #25  February 18,2009, 10:26am
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equestrian2121, wrote :

I feel like I am one of the few classy women left (especially living and working in Manhattan). Women seem to jump into bed with men so quickly these days. What bothers me most about women doing this is that it negatively affects me. When I go out on dates, men expect me to sleep with them on the first date. It's insane. While I don't condone men acting in this way, I do feel that a big part of why they expect it is because women so quickly sleep with men these days. Women need to have more respect for themselves and make men wait. I'm trying to bring sex back to being a sacred act, not so commonplace. By doing so, I think men will gain a new respect for women and will start courting women more. I think it will create a win-win for both women and men alike.
Well you're probably a really nice woman, but that is an awfully judgemental thing to say. I know where you are coming from and I respect that, though I don't think you can blame the women. I blame the men. A beautiful woman is going to always be seduced by men. I have never have one date where a man didn't want to get it on early and then marry me right after. More often than not though, I find out he's a nutcase.


Now if she is 18 and under it is wise to say that, unwanted pregnancies etc. But for a woman going into her peak at 30 she might judge you for being so naive. She is probably well capable of having kids and providing for them by them. Maybe, even, that's all she wants. Even then the woman has to have some connection unlike the typical man who wants to bang everything. I'm not talking about shy nice men who read and post thoughts online. I'm talking about people who are aimless looking for fulfillment.


The other point is that chemistry is really important for some and without it, it doesn't matter how long you wait, once you find out it isn't there you will be miserable and fight all the time. Being sexually compatible is important for many so it's one of those thing many people chose to ignore other people's judgements. Because for some men, that aspect determines whether they try and think of you like crazy.


Sorry its one of those risk you have to take to find your perfect match.
 
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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #26  February 18,2009, 10:28am
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I agree that it isn't a "moral" issue so much as a societal one. There ARE men out there who still have the mindset of "If I paid for this nice evening, I'm owed." That's not the kind of man I want to be with. What do you "owe" me for having my hair done, buying a new dress and the shoes to match, spending an hour and a half showering, de-fuzzing, fixing, primping and perfuming? Do you really think I do all this so you will TRY to have s e x with me? No. If I'm going out with you in the first place it's because I like you and want to present myself in the best light possible. I want you to feel even a small tinge of pride at being seen out in public with me. I do not, however, "expect" you to fall over yourself noticing all the trouble I went to (if I did it right it wouldn't be obvious in the first place), nor do I "expect" you to now buy me lobster and filet because I look and smell nice. So, if you "expect" me to "pay" you for my evening, then I think perhaps I don't like you all that much after all, thanks anyway. Oh, and by the way. If I AM ready to have s e x with you, you'll know it. Don't push me or you're history.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #27  February 18,2009, 10:34am
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6dle899,493349 wrote :


Maybe I should move to Manhattan. I could get rid of my house and my newstation wagon, and keep the Mercedes.








A New Yorker said, "In California they have hot tubs. In New York we have sarcasm"








I might even like it there. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


LOLZ


Asa NYC dweller.....I agree, and am gosh darn proud of it!


I mean, really, who needs a hot tub anyway when we can have the high-stressed life of living in New York??????


 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #28  February 18,2009, 10:35am
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I'm sorry. I don't quite agree here.


Its not that I believe people should have sex on the first date. On general principle, I won't do it, but I can't say I won't do it 100% of the time. I can only say i've never done it at this junction in my life.


The reason i don't agree is because this is your viewpoint. You're annoyed that other women who have no problem or qualms about sleeping around on the first date, make your life more difficult because of that stigma. Because of that stigma, they should stop what they're doing because its making dating hard for you. If it works for these women, great. They have no obligation to you to change their activity because you don't agree or wish to work that way. This is the way they wish to conduct their life and their relationships. If it affects you because you don't work that way, thats not their fault and they shouldn't have to change because of you.
 
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equestrian2121 is offline equestrian2121 Post #29  February 18,2009, 10:37am
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m8se69,493386 wrote :

equestrian2121, wrote :


I feel like I am one of the few classy women left (especially living and working in Manhattan). Women seem to jump into bed with men so quickly these days. What bothers me most about women doing this is that it negatively affects me. When I go out on dates, men expect me to sleep with them on the first date. It's insane. While I don't condone men acting in this way, I do feel that a big part of why they expect it is because women so quickly sleep with men these days. Women need to have more respect for themselves and make men wait. I'm trying to bring sex back to being a sacred act, not so commonplace. By doing so, I think men will gain a new respect for women and will start courting women more. I think it will create a win-win for both women and men alike.


Perhaps you need to look at 2 things.


The type of a guy you are dating.


The signals you are sending out.


Because I have never had a man think we would be having sex on the first date. Not many men will turn down that opportunity. But not many will expect it either.
Come to Manhattan. That is the status quo. Almost every man expects that of every woman no matter how classy you act.
 
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equestrian2121 is offline equestrian2121 Post #30  February 18,2009, 10:39am
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Dafearon,493415 wrote :

I'm sorry. I don't quite agree here.


Its not that I believe people should have sex on the first date. On general principle, I won't do it, but I can't say I won't do it 100% of the time. I can only say i've never done it at this junction in my life.


The reason i don't agree is because this is your viewpoint. You're annoyed that other women who have no problem or qualms about sleeping around on the first date, make your life more difficult because of that stigma. Because of that stigma, they should stop what they're doing because its making dating hard for you. If it works for these women, great. They have no obligation to you to change their activity because you don't agree or wish to work that way. This is the way they wish to conduct their life and their relationships. If it affects you because you don't work that way, thats not their fault and they shouldn't have to change because of you.
From speaking to the women who do this, they are not getting what they want which is a relationship out of what they are doing. So it doesn't work for them. Their self esteem is too low to realize that they should not use sex as a tool for getting the guy. Usually the guy sticks around for a weekor less and then is MIA. Men don't usually respect women who sleep with them either on the first date or early on anyway. So the women usually regret behaving in this way and it messes up everything for us classy ones.
 
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