Booty Call...when it's time to call it quits...or not?


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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #11  February 18,2009, 5:09am

It's almost time folks.....

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He's been very upfront about his intention, he's not leading you on in any way here. So now it's up to you to figure out if what you have with him is enough in the long term - because this is all you will get from him.


The only way you'll be able to get him off your mind is to stop seeing him, cold turkey, & gradually he'll fade into the background. Go find a guy who fits into your life better than this current one does.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #12  February 18,2009, 6:02am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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I don't know of a nice way to put this ...


Does "dignity" and"self-respect" mean absolutely anything to you? ...apparently not. I can't even imagine, much less understand, how anyone could knowingly allow themselves to be used like this.
 
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springtimegirl is offline springtimegirl Post #13  February 18,2009, 6:58am
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BikerBeagle,492997 wrote :

I don't know of a nice way to put this ...


Does "dignity" and"self-respect" mean absolutely anything to you? ...apparently not. I can't even imagine, much less understand, how anyone could knowingly allow themselves to be used like this.
Yeah, I know. I have lost my self-respect and dignity with this man. I am so way out of my element here. I know this. I hate myself for it, but I have tried to let him go twice and I just couldn't. I guess I am just weak. I have to bite the bullet here and just tell him the next time I see him that it will be the last time. Or better yet, just don't call or text him anymore and leave him alone. But I feel I have some unsaid things I need to tell him first. Then I think it will make it easier for me to let him go. I know he is enjoying having me "wrapped" around his finger too. He is gloating in it. I didn't think I would have feelings for him though. I never thought I would end up falling for him at all.This is my first time I've ever done anything like this, so I need to step back and do what I got to do, otherwise I will end up so hurt (more than I am now). And I appreciate youbeing honest here. And Iknow I deserve so much better too. Actually, good news....Ihave 3 more prospects here and I'm praying and hoping 1 of them will be someone "date" worthy and someone who will appreciate me and respect me! And if so, NO more booty calls!!!
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #14  February 18,2009, 7:06am

It's almost time folks.....

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I think it's very easy for us as bystanders to apply logic to a situation - but it's difficult for you when you're emotionally tied up in a situation, no matter how negative a situation it might be. It's going to be tough for you to draw away from him, but ultimately once you've accepted that he's not offering anything more than sex, it'll be easier for you to leave him. It may take a bit of timefor you to fully "accept" this in your mind, but when you do, that switch will help turn you off him. If you possibly can, try to avoid seeing him again. Meeting him just so you can discuss this isn't going to help you.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #15  February 18,2009, 7:07am
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I'm going to take a guess.


Is it possible that your feelings are there because the booty call? Is it possible that you're thinking, the sex is there, you can work the relationship into that as well?


I know in my past, a physical dalliance can cloud my judgment and make me believe something is there when in reality nothing was.


Also, I'm thinking that you're looking for a relationship and he's the closest thing you've got at the moment.


Advice. I'm going to follow the group here and say you need to break off this booty call. It is detrimental to your search for what you really want. There IS a slight possibility that things might change with you and this guy, but I also get the feeling that if it does change, you'll realize it was just a fantasy and the reality will be nothing close to what you fantasized about.


My views on booty calls is that its a short term fix at best. If thats all you want, then have at it, but if you're looking for someting more, the booty call for either sexes is detrimental. Would you want to date someone who has a booty call on call?
 
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ImDurmac is offline ImDurmac Post #16  February 18,2009, 7:38am
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Girl, you do have it bad, but my question to you is "what are you hiding?" It would seem you have self-esteem issues as to why you are staying in this relationship. It is not healthy and for you to move on, you have to find out why you are clinging to this man who doesn't want more than a physical relationship with you. Peace and blessing, little one.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #17  February 18,2009, 8:05am
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springtimegirl, wrote :

I have been seeing a man I met back in mid-October of 2008. I am still seeing him, but it is strictly a booty call. However, I have fallen really fast and hard for him and he knows this. I am so in love with him, I think about him ALL the time, can't get him out of my head. I have tried and tried, but I just can't. Yes, I've kept myself busy as well to get him out of my head, but it has not worked. I told him he meant more to me than just a booty call. I asked him if I meant more and all he could say was that he did like me. And for me, it's not about the sex. Not at all. I genuinely care for him and the chemistry is just SO STRONG!!! He hasn't taken me out anywhere. We only meet at his apartment for our hook ups. He can't come to my place cause he is highly allergic to cats and I have 2 of them (I"ve seen his reaction to this as he came one time to my place). I've hinted to him a few times about going out, but he never follows through with what he says. I want so much to have more than just a booty call. But I don't think he's ready for that right now. And I'm thinking will he ever want more or not? He's got that wall up and just won't bring it down!!! He went through a really bad divorce and I think he's hiding something that he just won't tell me about his ex. He's also a text freak, he'd rather do that than call me. I usually initiate our hook ups more than he does. I text him and call him more than he does me. I don't over do it, although I have a few times, but I've slowed down a bit on that. I know this is a really strange situation, but I am SO in love with him.What do I do? I'mstill seeing him and I can't seem to let him go. I just can't. Lot easier said than done!!! HELP!!! Hopelessly in love.....
I'm so very sorry you're in this situation. I do think like most here, you need to walk away and never look back. It began as a booty call and it will never change the way you want it to. He never made you promises, he didn't lead you on, this is simply FWB.
 
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sweetT is offline sweetT Post #18  February 18,2009, 8:29am
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Have some self respect and leave this situation. He's using you for sex. Sure he could care about you, but he will never be in LOVE with you. He will never feel for you the way you do for him.


*sighs* and wonders why women allow themselfs to be degraded like this.
 
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missy2u2002 is offline missy2u2002 Post #19  February 18,2009, 8:41am
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I know exactly where you are coming from. It didn't start as a booty call for me but that is where it ended up at first. The same "old flame" that I have recently posted about, I have know for well over three years, we started out dating, then feelings get mixed in. I thought I was in Love but it turns out to be mostly Lust... but it was sooo good, I think I wanted it to be so much more. I finally told him I couldn't take it and he popped in and out of my life for a while then he was gone for about a year and now he is back, I still think there is some love factor but I know there is a big lust factor. This time around the booty call is not included, he has been taking me out and actually going out on dates, he cooked me dinner last night, we both know what we have to look forward to but I told him it was not going to end the same way as the last time. Good? Bad? I don't know. But as for you, you need to let him go if he comes back then give the dating thing a whirl don't give into the booty call again. I know it hurts like He11.
 
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friedrice is offline friedrice Post #20  February 18,2009, 9:00am
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springtimegirl,493041 wrote :

BikerBeagle,492997 wrote :


I don't know of a nice way to put this ...


Does "dignity" and"self-respect" mean absolutely anything to you? ...apparently not. I can't even imagine, much less understand, how anyone could knowingly allow themselves to be used like this.


Yeah, I know. I have lost my self-respect and dignity with this man. I am so way out of my element here. I know this. I hate myself for it, but I have tried to let him go twice and I just couldn't. I guess I am just weak. I have to bite the bullet here and just tell him the next time I see him that it will be the last time. Or better yet, just don't call or text him anymore and leave him alone. But I feel I have some unsaid things I need to tell him first. Then I think it will make it easier for me to let him go. I know he is enjoying having me "wrapped" around his finger too. He is gloating in it. I didn't think I would have feelings for him though. I never thought I would end up falling for him at all.This is my first time I've ever done anything like this, so I need to step back and do what I got to do, otherwise I will end up so hurt (more than I am now). And I appreciate youbeing honest here. And Iknow I deserve so much better too. Actually, good news....Ihave 3 more prospects here and I'm praying and hoping 1 of them will be someone "date" worthy and someone who will appreciate me and respect me! And if so, NO more booty calls!!!
Good for you for moving on!!! Yes, every man I was not into had things left unsaid, and frankly I wish they didn't say it. However, these were men i didn't even want to sleep with. For you on the other hand, the only thing you can say is the truth and keep it positive.


Here's what I did to turn Mr. Casual to Mr. Beg for me. I kept myself only slightly available, turned him on, then cancelled dates on him. I made sure we had a good time, laughed alot, and enjoyed life. Then when he was in an agreement mode, I casually asked in a perfect world what would he want from a relationship...not trying to pressure him.


He will hint to you what he is really looking for. Then when you get him in the mode of thinking like that, you tell him that's what you picture too and that you guys would make a perfect couple. And then tell him unfortunately this is a casual relationship and to prevent your heart from breaking you have to end it today.


And then go and have fun with your other lovers. I know this strategy is sick, but it works. I don't use it on nice guys only ones who needs to be taught a lesson.
 
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