SoCo1 is offline SoCo1 Post #1  February 10,2009, 4:53pm
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I'm a fairly recent widower who has not finished grieving as yet. I know I will have another relationship someday which leads to marriage, but not now. But, my whole life, most of my best friends have been women and I enjoy their company. When the party splits tothe men on one side and the women on the other, I know which side I'll be on. Not to pick someone up (when my wife was alive that was still the side I went to), just because I enjoy the company of women more then men.


To reinvent myself, I've started to take classes, go to groups and to invite women out as friends to dinner, coffee or whatever. I'm just making friends. However, I can't deny some are attractive and, someday, I may want to follow-up with a more romantic part of the relationship too.


I think of it like surfing the surface of what is possible. I get the rush and fun of meeting and being with people and legitimately take the risk of falling in if that's what guides me. I am not a casual person in regards to relationships and want to make sure there is clear understanding of where I am. How do I communicate that?


On a related note, what of women I know already who I am pretty sure we would hit it off romantically? I've avoided the casual surfing with them right now as I'm afraid to fall into the "friend" zone with them and, as I said, I'm not ready for more. Should I keep my distance or would it be better to surf all the waters?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  February 10,2009, 4:57pm
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Being overly friendly, “getting them,” and “connecting” with women is not the right dating strategy. They want you to be the man[/i], to date you.


If you’ve got the woman already as a friend, I think you use a clear, crisp approach: ask her out in a definitive, specific way. What will be, will be.


However, if she knew you were available and there’s no flirting from her already, I don’t think your odds are good.
 
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SoCo1 is offline SoCo1 Post #3  February 10,2009, 5:21pm
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Just to be clear, I understand the dating/friend thing and that is why I am hesitant to surf with those I know there will be a connection. With them, there has been some flirting, but I am not ready to follow up towards anything serious. As to being "available", that is the question. There are a few good, single women friends whointeracted with me regularly and in various ways when my wife was alive. Distance has developed from both sides right now for the reason you state. I don't know how to describe it beyond it being like a war movie the night before the big battle and each side is quiet but hyper-alert. I am not ready for battle.


But, what I think I'm hearing from you is that this is not different from any normal situation. Wait for the time to date with them and do so.


What of the first? Not all of life is a dating strategy. Getting to know people is fun and well worth the time even if the probability is not that they will become a romantic relationship.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #4  February 10,2009, 5:47pm
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I think that many people would not mind being friends with an online connection.Many would be OK with the networking angle as you may have a friend that may work out for her or something. The friendship could open up doors otherwise closed. I would say that meeting in person quicker is a better way to go as you don't have as much anticipation going in.
 
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