How long should I give chemistry a chance to kick in?


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sadiejane is offline sadiejane Post #1  February 8,2009, 1:27pm
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I've been talking to a guy for about a month now nearly every night and we've been out twice. The first date was about 2 weeks after we were matched and the second was a wee later.


It's amazing how great a match we are! We have many common interests, our values match, and we have very similar goals in life. We have great conversations on the phone and when we are out.


The "problem" at the moment is that I have not felt any physical chemistry when out with him. I know that it's not always there from day one, but can kick in within a few dates. I usually feel some sort of chemistry on the first date and definately by the second so this is new territory for me. I don't want to risk giving up a "gem" too soon, but I also don't want to lead him on.


Both dates have really been wonderful with both of us having a great time. He didn't kiss me the first time and gave me a kiss on the cheek the second time. Should I wait until the first "real" kiss to make a decision?


Any input would be appreciated!
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #2  February 8,2009, 1:35pm
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A (real) kiss is often the litmus test for me in terms of physical chemistry. I often don't feel chemistry from the start, and a kiss is usually the moment of truth. But don't rush that kiss either...
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #3  February 8,2009, 1:44pm
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A year? I don't know. If everything else is moving along great, I wouldn't stress over how long. Obviously, if you reach a point where you're both trying to be physical and it just isn't happening for you, you're either going to have to say something about it or end it.
 
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negasonic is offline negasonic Post #4  February 8,2009, 2:44pm
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Maybe he's shy about initiating physical contact. Speaking for myself, even if I'm getting along fantastically with someone on a date, I'm more likely to go in for a hug at the end unless I essentially get a "Well, are you going to kiss me, or what?"

I'm weird, I know :-)
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #5  February 8,2009, 3:33pm
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Your relationship still sounds fairly new. I think you are establishing an important kind of bonding and familiarity if you are both enjoying talking and spending time together. This match was through compatability models, so it be different from a discovery of sexual or physical attraction that brought you to other people you dated in the past. Why not wait a while longer and let your attraction, trust and feelings for each other grow a bit more. The physical expression of your closeness will happen when you are ready to express intimacy more than lust. IMHO
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #6  February 8,2009, 3:41pm
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wishamee,478056 wrote :

Your relationship still sounds fairly new. I think you are establishing an important kind of bonding and familiarity if you are both enjoying talking and spending time together. This match was through compatability models, so it be different from a discovery of sexual or physical attraction that brought you to other people you dated in the past. Why not wait a while longer and let your attraction, trust and feelings for each other grow a bit more. The physical expression of your closeness will happen when you are ready to express intimacy more than lust. IMHO
I agree with wishamee it's a little early to be stressing about this stuff isn't it? You obviously have the basics down, just let things happen over time and take it slow. Remember most women complain about guys wanting to move TOO fast.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #7  February 8,2009, 3:45pm
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I noticed that I was not prepared mentally to go for too much within 2 dates, especially the online ones. On the 3rd date, however, I would be far more aggressive & would be ready for anything.


I think thatI will speed up this process in the future with online dating as Ihave been lagging behind the women that I have dated.They came off as conservative in so many ways that I did not expect such aggressiveness from them.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  February 8,2009, 4:28pm
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I’m wondering exactly what you mean here? This is one the issues I struggle with most: continuing to see someone without attraction. In my experience, it never developed.
 
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StatGamer is offline StatGamer Post #9  February 8,2009, 4:45pm
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peg099,477882 wrote :

A (real) kiss is often the litmus test for me in terms of physical chemistry. I often don't feel chemistry from the start, and a kiss is usually the moment of truth. But don't rush that kiss either...
Me too. Sometimes the smell of his skin and his hand on the small of my back are good enough clues but sometimes, I just have to be kissed well and thoroughly before I know.


It's early days yet. I'd take it slow and just enjoy the emotional and intellectual chemistry for now. The kiss will come in time surely.
 
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sadiejane is offline sadiejane Post #10  February 10,2009, 4:29pm
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Thank you for the thoughts. I do try to remind myself that it is early and to be patient and see what develops. We still talk each evening and have plans for Valentine's Day. There is no question in my mind that he is interested so I guess I'll see what develops in terms of physical cheminstry.
 
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