Who Initiates the First In-Person Meeting: Guys or Girls?


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In_Bloom is offline In_Bloom Post #1  January 27,2009, 3:55pm
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I always hear conflicting information with regards to letting a man take the lead versus taking initiative and asking for what I want. What's the proper etiquette on eH for initiating the first in-person meeting? How long do you all typically wait? (I'm in my late 20s, also interested in a man who's in his late 20s... In case that's relevant.)


Men, are you turned off when women initiate the meeting? Would you prefer to be the one to make the first move? Or do you like it when women ask you to meet?


Women, do you usually wait for the man? What are your experiences?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 27,2009, 4:00pm
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I usually asked first. I try to ask for the first Friday or Saturday after reaching open communication (meaning it could be that night or nearly a week later.) Some women asked me, though that very often. I did occasionally get random e-mails from Match “can we get together,” wanting something that night (rare.)
I have no problem with the women asking.
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #3  January 27,2009, 4:04pm
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Whoever is more eager!
 
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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #4  January 27,2009, 4:28pm
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i tend to wait for what the men will do or say first. i try to give as much opportunity for the men to take the lead. if i find that he is stalling too long, then i tend tostay low.
 
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In_Bloom is offline In_Bloom Post #5  January 27,2009, 5:32pm
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Bump!


So do traditional dating etiquette rules apply to the "who initiates meeting" in the online dating world? I'm really oblivious to norms here... hoping for more people's points of view.


Thanks
 
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Bajan72 is offline Bajan72 Post #6  January 27,2009, 5:51pm
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I have no problem with a woman taking the initiative. I tend to like strong, intelligent women so this is actually a turn on. If they jump in, start contact, and are proactive, then they are probably much more what I am looking for. However I think anyone, regardless of gender, just sitting back and waiting for someone to come to them is probably going to be lonely. This is no place for wallflowers.


Shane.
 
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PrettyPisces is offline PrettyPisces Post #7  January 27,2009, 6:01pm
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Listen...


If I find a boy who's into me, then I'd be all over the "in person" meeting ASAP as long as I was feelin' it too. I think you gotta go with your gut more than anything else and forget about "norms" and what everyone else is doing. If it feels good, do it.
 
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Bajan72 is offline Bajan72 Post #8  January 27,2009, 6:16pm
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PrettyPisces,456936 wrote :

Listen...


If I find a boy who's into me, then I'd be all over the "in person" meeting ASAP as long as I was feelin' it too. I think you gotta go with your gut more than anything else and forget about "norms" and what everyone else is doing. If it feels good, do it.
Exactly!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  January 27,2009, 6:18pm
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The topic of who initiates has been covered in many threads so if you search around you can get a lot of input on the subject.


However as the other posters have been saying either the guy or the girl can inititate any phase of the communication or dating process. Also it should not matter if it is online dating or if you are meeting a guy in an in-person situation if you find the guy interesting then you can (should) make a move.


As far as how long do you wait (I presume that you mean how long do you communicate before meetin in person) you can plan to meet in person as soon as you are comfortable to meet. Most people like to meet in person soon after getting to Open Communication. You cannot judge chemistry through a computer only through an in-person meeting.


I am never put off by a girl that initiates at any time in the dating process. At least if she initiates then I know she is interested.
 
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saphia2009 is offline saphia2009 Post #10  January 27,2009, 6:23pm
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Usually my matches will offer to their phone numbers or ask for mine. Then during the first phone call, they suggest a date. I asked one match out because one of my friends said that if I didn't ask him out, then the date wouldn't happen. Well, I asked him out, and he acted like it was too busy to meet me. Then he pulled the disappearing act on me. I don't know if he was afraid or if he thought I was too pushy. I had another one draw out the emailing part for 2 months before he asked me out, but by then I had met someone else. He seemed hurt that I had met someone else, but I thought that he wasn't interested in me and was just amusing himself by emailing me once a week. So, I wouldn't suggest drawing out the emails for very long. If you are ready to meet someone, just ask him or her out in a casual way for something during the day. Be sure to tell someone else where you are going and with whom you will be.
 
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