Why do we bother?

I've asked the question as to why people don't try to get to know a match in Open Communication for any period prior to just wanting to meet. The responses from the men came back that they want to see if there is live chemistry and that too many people hide themselves in email.


And maybe this is the real issue. I do use the Open Communication as a weeding process. If the person isn't able to talk anything about themselves, doesn't respond in a timely matter (and even business associates reply within 48 hours), or just writes these fluffy little notes, then I see them as not interested. I guess from there, I ask myself, "why do I want to even bother to meet someone in person that can't handle the dating tasks within eHarmony"? I mean if all I wanted to do was go on blind dates, I'd have my friends fix me up with somebody (and those are usually not the best matches). So, if nobody feels the eharmony process has value, why are we doing it? Why are we bothering to use this site if we/no one believes in it's processes? Why are you guys spending the money?

See, you're looking at it differently. I personally believe that the process DOES have value. Going through Guided Communication I feel gives you a pretty good insight on who the other person is, plus it gives you something to talk about.


But see, you're lacking something very important. You have to see if a) they look like their pictures, because maybe 5% of my matches look like their pictures, and a rare 1% look better than their pictures (that's 94% who DON'T look like their pictures, btw); b) see if you get along in person because you could get along great in email, but not click at all in person; c) see if they are who they say they are, start seeing if there is trust and so forth.


I mean, think about it. What is the difference between meeting someone in a bar vs on eHarmony? You meet someone in a bar, you spend say a hour with them, and get their name and phone number. You meet someone on eHarmony, you know their name, their city, their occupation, their age, their height, ethnicity, religion, if they want kids or not, how much they drink, how much they smoke, their pictures, whatever they decide to put in their profile as the answers to what they're passionate about, what they're thankful for, how their friends describe them, who has influenced them in their life, what some of their life skills are, what they're looking for, how they would describe themselves in first impressions, how they spend their leisure time, what they can't live without, what the last book they read is (though this might be out of date), something only their friends know, and anything else they're willing to share. Plus they get to answer 5 questions you send them, and you get to answer 5 questions they sent (and you can see what's important to them by the questions they ask), what their absolute must haves/can't stands are, the answers to three open-ended questions, and finally you get to share emails. Plus, they're matched to you based on these 29 factors of compatiblity that you hear so much of.


If I know all that information on a person, why would I want to spend months chatting away through email? I'd much rather meet up and see if we click in person. And if the other person, despite knowing ALL that information about me, doesn't want to meet up, then I'm moving on. Two, three messages at most, then I'm going to ask for a phone number. Why? Time is a factor. I don't have as much time as I'd like to have, plus if it doesn't work out, I don't want to waste time pursuing the wrong woman. Plus, there ARE women who are interested and give out their phone number after a few emails, and thatshows that they're interested. I only go out with girls who are interested in me as a person, and who want to get to know me.


And I can't stand the fluffy notes. I closed out someone who for two months sent me fluffy notes.

I've asked the question as to why people don't try to get to know a match in Open Communication for any period prior to just wanting to meet. The responses from the men came back that they want to see if there is live chemistry and that too many people hide themselves in email.


And maybe this is the real issue. I do use the Open Communication as a weeding process. If the person isn't able to talk anything about themselves, doesn't respond in a timely matter (and even business associates reply within 48 hours), or just writes these fluffy little notes, then I see them as not interested. I guess from there, I ask myself, "why do I want to even bother to meet someone in person that can't handle the dating tasks within eHarmony"? I mean if all I wanted to do was go on blind dates, I'd have my friends fix me up with somebody (and those are usually not the best matches). So, if nobody feels the eharmony process has value, why are we doing it? Why are we bothering to use this site if we/no one believes in it's processes? Why are you guys spending the money?

I've asked the question as to why people don't try to get to know a match in Open Communication for any period prior to just wanting to meet. The responses from the men came back that they want to see if there is live chemistry and that too many people hide themselves in email.


And maybe this is the real issue. I do use the Open Communication as a weeding process. If the person isn't able to talk anything about themselves, doesn't respond in a timely matter (and even business associates reply within 48 hours), or just writes these fluffy little notes, then I see them as not interested. I guess from there, I ask myself, "why do I want to even bother to meet someone in person that can't handle the dating tasks within eHarmony"? I mean if all I wanted to do was go on blind dates, I'd have my friends fix me up with somebody (and those are usually not the best matches). So, if nobody feels the eharmony process has value, why are we doing it? Why are we bothering to use this site if we/no one believes in it's processes? Why are you guys spending the money?

I feel both ways about this. Like you, I feel that with the OC process I can weed out a number of people that aren't right for me. However, I also need another 'weeding out' process in person. I don't thinkI'd call it 'chemistry' that I'm trying to determine in person, but it regards getting to know more what the person is really like.


Because of this I don't want to stay too long in OC. With a week or two of OC I've most likely weeded out whoever I can at this stage. Spending more than a month in OC is likely to just end up as wasted time once we've met in person and determined it's not going to work.