Overweight female wanting to use eHarmony...would like some feedback


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cal is offline cal Post #1  January 16,2009, 12:49am
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Hi, thinking of using eHarmony as a tool to expand my horizons but wanted some feedback from the men out there. How many of you would be willing/able to look past someones weight and truly focus on their personality and your compatibility? In the interest of fairness this is a piece of information I think I should share early in the process but not sure how to deliver it. Any thoughts?


And to answer your question, I have afair amount of weight to lose but I'm very committed to my weight loss and doing well with it.
 
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BGood is offline BGood Post #2  January 16,2009, 7:50pm
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I can't speak for all men, but I would be willing to look past a woman's weight. It would depend on her personality, how she treats me and how heavy she is. I don't mind a few extra pounds, but there is a limit for me personally. If she told me that she was making an effort to lose weight and was committed to doing so, I would take that into consideration. I understand how difficult it is for people to lose weight, especially women. It's good that you plan to be honest about your weight. Honesty is very important when you are looking for love. You can't build a relationship on a lie. My advice to you is to let these men know as soon as possible. You may get rejected immediately by some men, but it's better to get rejected early before you start to have feelings for a person. You may even find a man who likes larger women. Trust me, they are out there.
 
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3rd_the_charm is offline 3rd_the_charm Post #3  January 16,2009, 8:29pm
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It's a tough world out there.


The root problem is that we rely more on what we see then on what we hear, say or read, so we are more aware of a person's weight and appearance long before we take the time to really find out who they are.


I don't endorese the idea of showing up on a date without sharing a decent photo. Some have done it to me and it didn't help their case in the laset bit. After all, on top of what amounts really to instinctual weight objection many have, they have then added deceit to their list of characteristics. Best to be honest, but for an overweight person, I recommend doing a lot of writing before you send the picture before you meet someone in person. Text is the only way you have to present that wonderful personality that you have, so plan on doing a lot of writing if you can't rely on a reaonably honest photo to start off with.


Aas to how many would overlook a weight issue, how many did you want? Aren't you really just looking for one person?.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  January 16,2009, 8:31pm
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BGood - you sound like a keeper!


Cal - I'm afraid that you'll find in most of the discussions about weight on these boards (and there are a LOT of them), the men are quite intolerant of women being overweight (a few extra pounds are okay, but not someone who is overweight or obese). Keep in mind, though, that this is just a small sample of people here, and many of them are not members of the eHarmony dating service.


One thing that nearly all agree onis that it's important not to hide your appearance from your matches or pretend that you look differently than you do. The easiest way to do that is simply to include photos of yourself in your profile (including a full-length shot). Some will "close" you because of your weight, but others will not.


Good luck in your search (and your weight loss)!
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #5  January 16,2009, 9:02pm
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I personally have little concern with the kind of person that won't date me as oppose to the kind of person that is attracted to me. While I don't really have a weight issue, I am of very fair skin. But honestly, I don't waste my time wondering what kind of men would find me completely unattractive because I don't tan. You can go ahead and try eHarmony for a bit and see what kind of male is interested in you. As far as when to share this piece of information, I think you should have visible and current photos of yourself, so I guess you'll be sharing that information up front. But in the profile text under the section where you write about your current leisure activities or passions you can mention that you are passionate about getting healthy.
 
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mred111864 is offline mred111864 Post #6  January 16,2009, 9:03pm
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as i stated earlier in response to why men only want thin women. 11-1/2years ago i was engaged to a larger woman and didn't bother me . we didn't get married but are still good friends. this next thought is to you only do not feel bad about your size ,and don't give up on yourself. keep your head up high and be proud of yourself. i hope we can be friends.
 
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mred111864 is offline mred111864 Post #7  January 16,2009, 9:03pm
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as i stated earlier in response to why men only want thin women. 11-1/2years ago i was engaged to a larger woman and didn't bother me . we didn't get married but are still good friends. this next thought is to you only do not feel bad about your size ,and don't give up on yourself. keep your head up high and be proud of yourself. i hope we can be friends.
 
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simpletonHeart70 is offline simpletonHeart70 Post #8  January 16,2009, 9:48pm
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I think it's probably harder than easier for a heavy woman to meet someone on online dating. Why? Because online dating is about instant gratification, people treat it like they're shopping for something.


So people will thumb through profiles and immediately judge you on your appearance. If they're not immediately attracted to the photo they most likely won't read any further.


But if you are physically attractive and photogenic, the weight may not be an issue. Weight alone isn't going to deter all men, especially if you are attractive. And if you put up nice pics and come off as a good person, you may have some good luck.


As for the "i'm working out and plan on losing weight", that does nothing for me really. If you're overweight now I would assume you will always be overweight. Not that that's a problem for me, but I would not date you with the assumption you would be skinny some day. That's like dating a guy who says he's going to be a millionare some day.
 
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BobinFla is offline BobinFla Post #9  January 16,2009, 9:52pm
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It would depend on how much over you are, if morbidly obese I would not consider, but if not that far I would consider.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #10  January 17,2009, 4:14am

It's almost time folks.....

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The simple answer is yes, you'll find men who are attracted to you, regardless of what you think of your weight. Make sure you have numerous current photos of yourself on your profile though - you'll stand a better chance of someone communicating with/meeting you if they have a good idea of what you look like.


People are attracted to people with qualities that they're attracted to - whether we're talking about men or women here. I don't believe that people using internet dating sites are, relatively speaking, more likely to be looking for instant gratification/physical attributes than a similar representative sample of the public not on these sites.


I think a similar population of people exists on the internet as off it - they're just more available online, so it makes us think that way. I could chit chat to the same number of random men in the city offline in a week as I do online, and I'm pretty certain my thoughts would be the same - 95% are going to be unsuitable for further conversation; 4% will be decent guys, but ones I have no interest in romance with; 1% (if I'm lucky) will make me think I've hit the jackpot.


The way in which internet meetings do hinder things is that it takes time to get to know someone's personality optimally, but realistically we can't stick around long term to see if the personality thing clicks for us - if we do, we risk messing someone around, putting pressure on ourselves, getting emotionally attached to someone (making it harder to say goodbye if the physical attraction doesn't follow).....So I think many people do look for some kind of spark to make them want to keep seeing someone. I don't expect fireworks when I first meet someone to tell me I'll go out again - just "something" by way of personality connection/interaction to flush me out again.


Whilst there's no way on this sweet earth that I'd go on a 2nd date (or even a 1st for that matter) with you simply because I think you're cute (your personality would have to draw me out again, that's not negotiable), it's unlikely I'm going to go out in the first place if I don't feel somewhat physically attracted to you (& that covers a huge range of sins for me).
 
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