Friendship vs interested


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parker6014 is offline parker6014 Post #21  January 16,2009, 1:40pm
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Steve_Cam,433917 wrote :

introducing me to his friends (before he introduces his girlfriend), leaning towards me when we speak, invading my personal space.... Yet he totally blow me off when I tried to persue something. Im I just clueless and these are not signs he is interested but is just being friendly???


How do you get that it was before she found out he had a girlfriend? She only says 'before he introduces his girlfriend' in relations to introducing her to his friends. Its not til later that she says that the girlfriend came on scene after blowing her off. Well, he blew her off. She obviously hasnt moved on here. Girlfriend or not, she didnt take the hint when she was blown off. I'll be willing to bet we arent getting the whole story here. It just doesnt make sense. 2 weeks after being blown off she is still hanging around the guy to meet his girlfriend, and now is here posting her frustration? Tell me LindaC7, does that really make sense to you? Its not like he slept with this girl and she found out later he has a girlfriend. Not like he was making out with her or pursuing her. You talk about the whole story LindaC7, do you really think this is the whole story? All I see here is a case of the bitters from a highschool drama.


-Steve Cam
Have only ran into him since we have mutal friends. And my other guy friends do NOT act the same way towards me as he does. Which is why I am confused.
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #22  January 16,2009, 7:01pm

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parker6014,434701 wrote :

Steve_Cam,433917 wrote :


introducing me to his friends (before he introduces his girlfriend), leaning towards me when we speak, invading my personal space.... Yet he totally blow me off when I tried to persue something. Im I just clueless and these are not signs he is interested but is just being friendly???


How do you get that it was before she found out he had a girlfriend? She only says 'before he introduces his girlfriend' in relations to introducing her to his friends. Its not til later that she says that the girlfriend came on scene after blowing her off. Well, he blew her off. She obviously hasnt moved on here. Girlfriend or not, she didnt take the hint when she was blown off. I'll be willing to bet we arent getting the whole story here. It just doesnt make sense. 2 weeks after being blown off she is still hanging around the guy to meet his girlfriend, and now is here posting her frustration? Tell me LindaC7, does that really make sense to you? Its not like he slept with this girl and she found out later he has a girlfriend. Not like he was making out with her or pursuing her. You talk about the whole story LindaC7, do you really think this is the whole story? All I see here is a case of the bitters from a highschool drama.


-Steve Cam


Have only ran into him since we have mutal friends. And my other guy friends do NOT act the same way towards me as he does. Which is why I am confused.
Going strictly on the hugs and 'in your personal space', I would have to say he just sounds like a friendly guy. Granted people can take those as possible interest, but if he doesnt go past that, then I would suggest that he just isnt interested. I've certainly met girls that were friendly in that manner and thought to myself 'is she hitting on me and I am just being dense'. At times they were, at times they were just friendly. I do agree that it can be frustrating at times, but the bottom line is what may be friendly to some, might be something others arent used to and misread by others. Either way they are far from scumbags unless they go so far as to misrepresent themselves.


With all the missing variables, who knows. He may have started off interested in you, and since things didnt progress quick enough he found someone in the interim. That still doesnt make him a scumbag being you two werent committed or even 'involved'.


Either way, he is with someone else and there is no reason to not keep his friendship being you havent posted anything that he has done that seems bad or with any bad intent. If he was worth pursuing, isnt he worth keeping as a friend?


-Steve Cam
 
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c_hristy is offline c_hristy Post #23  January 17,2009, 7:07am
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Oregon_Coast_Guy,434003 wrote :


I have female friends that I hug when I see. If/when I am in a relationship, I will still hug my female friends. Does that make me a scumbag?


Judging purely by your smile I would say: No. That's just how you are.
However I can speak to the fact that I would not want to date a man who hugs other women, introductory or not.





(In the OP's case, it's more the hugging among the other things. Same thing with the introducing- it could be really belittling to the girlfriend, or entirely happenstance depending on where they're standing or actually a form of politeness.)
 
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AlwaystheBrother is offline AlwaystheBrother Post #24  January 17,2009, 7:41am
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I can see mis-reading signals at first, the hugging, getting in your personal space. But after he rejected your advance I think he cleared the air.


I too have female friends whom I hug when I see them. I don't think my girlfriend has any issues with. I even have a female firend that I kiss on the cheek or forehead when we meet or one of us leaves. I even tell her that I love her openning in front of her boyfriend & my girlfriend. My relationship with her is practically brother-sister and that's all it will ever be. When we say I love you, it's like, "That's why I love you so much", "Don't worried, I'll still love you." etc...


Additionally, he might be active in one of the 12 step recovery programs such as AA or NA, we hug almost everyone (particurally NA) when we meet. Even for the first time, both men and women.


A hug is just a hug and often has no significant meaning behind it.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #25  January 17,2009, 7:44am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Songryder,433946 wrote :

parker6014, wrote :


Please help me understand something: a guy gave and still gives me what I interput as signs he is interested: random texts, greeting me with a hug everytime we meet/run into each other, introducing me to his friends (before he introduces his girlfriend), leaning towards me when we speak, invading my personal space.... Yet he totally blow me off when I tried to persue something. Im I just clueless and these are not signs he is interested but is just being friendly??? Not that he stands much of chance with me since he blow me off by email.


Why is this guy even showing you this kind of interest when he's got a girlfriend and why are you trying to persue this guy when he's got a girlfriend?


He's being rude and unfair to his SO and perhaps trying to make her jealous. Don't participate with him in this head game. Put yourself in her shoes and think of how you'd feel if your bf did this to you. He has no business doing anything with you like this.


I had a guy flirting with me for awhile but never asked me out or even asked for my phone #. It was clear to me that he was either married, had a girlfriend or was gay. Well he wasn't gay, so I just walk away from him when I see him coming. You should be doing the same. This is nutty.
+1. I really don't see this guy as just being 'friendly.' But as someone wrote....if the OP is over this guy....what's the issue? Move on.
 
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