Waiting until marriage, when do I tell him?


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moonchyld is offline moonchyld Post #1  January 14,2009, 12:23pm
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I have been dating this guy for a little over three months and we're both in our mid-twenties. I am waiting until marriage to have sex and I'm not sure when I should tell him this. Has anyone had this talk? What did you say? Any help would be great thanks!
 
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PY is offline PY Post #2  January 14,2009, 12:26pm

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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The sooner the better.....
 
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lizard47 is offline lizard47 Post #3  January 14,2009, 12:30pm
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PY,431225 wrote :

The sooner the better.....
gotta agree with PY on this one, after 3 months you should feel comfortable enough to discuss this with him
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #4  January 14,2009, 12:31pm

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How do you date someone for 3 months and the topic not come up? I mean something about having children or something must have come up. One thing to remember, when it comes to lying, Omission is as bad as comission.


-Steve Cam
 
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PY is offline PY Post #5  January 14,2009, 12:41pm

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On the contrary,the s-e-x topic never came up after three months..either the guy is a gentleman or both you guys just take your time..


This may not necessarily be a bad thing...so i wish you luck!
 
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moonchyld is offline moonchyld Post #6  January 14,2009, 12:54pm
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we're both looking for a long-term thing. we've talked about marriage a little bit, and may have mentioned kids just in passing.
 
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56Steve is offline 56Steve Post #7  January 14,2009, 2:50pm
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The sooner you get it out in the open, the better. My last gf knew full well I was waiting until marriage and while she didn't share my opinion, she paid me a nice compliment by saying I was worth the wait.
 
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Tantalus is offline Tantalus Post #8  January 14,2009, 3:14pm
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That's the sort of thing I would want to know upfront, so yeah, talk to him ASAP.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  January 14,2009, 3:34pm
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I’m not sure you have to bring it up. Unless this guy is like-minded, I would assume he is very inexperienced with women and afraid to scare you away by bringing up sex.
If this is your goal, and this is a possible partner, I think it is fine to wait. Either he will get confident enough to ask, at which time you have a discussion (that may end the relationship), or you drift apart.
If marriage – at your young age – is an objective, I think you need conversations about long term goals (not vague, either) and the input of your families and other, experienced voices you trust.
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #10  January 14,2009, 3:49pm
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moonchyld, wrote :


I have been dating this guy for a little over three months and we're both in our mid-twenties. I am waiting until marriage to have sex and I'm not sure when I should tell him this. Has anyone had this talk? What did you say? Any help would be great thanks!


You should discuss this with him soon! I fully support your choice to save yourself until marriage if that is what you want, but you need to afford him the same courtesy! He has a choice in this decision and it may well be that he chooses not to wait... if that is the case, he is not the fellow you are looking for, but he absolutely deserves to know! By this point, you should be comfortable talking and sharing with each other some long term goals if long term is your intention.


Have you already talked about sex? Has he indicated that he has expectations? He might feel excactly the same as you do, or he may expect that you are nearing the intimate phase of your relationship. I would bring it up casually but confidently. I think everyone finds their own way to bring up the topic of sex, but it does need to be discussed... Have you discussed STDs between the two of you? That is one way to bring up the discussion and it is certainly something that both of you need to be aware of in this day and age.


Again... you will find a way, but find a way you should.


Good luck.


Tim
 
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