Fat women? Short men? Are YOU attractive?

I have perfect symmetry.

Instead of going through the millionth thread about category X being attractive to gender Y I thought I'd give a more general response that applies to, well, all of these things.


A lot of the insecurity related to attraction is based on self-image, the media, other people, and most importantly, lack of knowledge about what 'attraction' is.


I'll go through each of the first ones briefly first. Self image is pretty simple; people always find themselves less attractive than others do unless they have an extremely inflated ego. If you stop and think about this it's kind of obvious, especially with heterosexual people. Of course you don't find yourself attractive! Why would you? You're probably your own gender and related to yourself. Would you find a same sex sibling attractive (at the risk of grossing people out)? I doubt it. Your own body likely holds as much sex appeal to yourself as a relative of the same gender, in other words, practically none. Sure, you can compare yourself to others, but as far as "feeling" attractive the mechanism for it simply isn't there.


The media is where the "comparison" comes in. What people don't realize about the media is the whole point of media attraction is what looks good on camera . Quite a few supermodels and actors are almost plain or unhealthy looking in person. I know, it's hard to believe, but our perception of someone touched up, in perfect lighting, in the perfect position is going to be very different from that person walking through a local store. Faces and bodies that eat up a camera are not always as attractive in person, and primarily for reasons I'll explain a bit later relating to non-visual attraction mechanisms.


Others help define our self-perception more that most of us would like to admit. I've met many attractive people who believe themselves to be ugly simply because of how they've been perceived by others. Attention from the opposite sex helps build up or break down our self-perception of our own attraction. Since many people see very attractive people as "out of their league" plenty of otherwise gorgeous individuals see themselves as ugly or gross. It's also one of the reasons why you'll sometimes see an unattractive person with an extremely hot one; the unattractive person simply had the guts to approach the other individual. Attraction is a complex mechanism and other's opinions should be treated as just that...an opinion.


So what is attraction? Attraction is the "chemistry" that draws us towards others. It's not necessarily sexual in nature, although it often is. Even among the same sex people tend to attach positive qualities to the more attractive person even though they aren't sexually attracted to them.


Attraction is likewise not a static "number" that people often assign to it. It truly is in the eye of the beholder, no matter how cliche'. Think about it. Is your last girlfriend/boyfriend as attractive now than when you were first going out with them? Have you ever wondered what exactly you saw in them? Your own perception of their attractiveness changed over time based on a single factor; your emotional connection to them.


The problem is that there are more factors than this, a lot more. There's sight, sound, smell, mental association, emotional connection, nonverbal communication, personality, confidence; the list goes on and on. Ask any guy if there's a difference between their attraction to a woman normally and when she still has that fresh shampoo smell in their hair.


A magazine or TV show can't really replicate all the factors that influence attraction so they try to maximize the visual aspect. The reality, however, is that these things are only one of a whole list of factors that determine how attractive someone is. So why do we focus so much on it?


The point is this. Height, weight, hair color, eye color, blood type, astrological sign, dominant hand, whatever; all these things aren't deciding factors as to what people find attractive.


So I beg you. Implore you. Stop worrying so much about these things. They aren't important. I see the question all the time, "How will I know when 'X' factor is good enough for people to want to date me?"


The answer is..."Now." There isn't some magic weight or height you must attain before you're datable. That's not what is preventing you from finding someone. In order to find someone you must seek someone. I don't care if you're a guy or a girl. If you don't get out there and try, concentrating not on what can go wrong but on what can go right, it doesn't matter if you're the hottest person on the planet.


Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen.


After all, it's the people who are willing to do just that others find irresistable anyway .


Jacquesne

“A lot of the insecurity related to attraction is based on self-image, the media, other people, and most importantly, lack of knowledge about what 'attraction' [/b] is.” [/b] [/b]
I think a lot of the insecurity related to attraction is based on personal experience, specifically how others have treated us. This takes the form of overt hostility (“don’t pick fatso, he can’t even run around the bases&rdquo and covert, but measurable, differential treatment (not being invited to play golf with some co-workers.) In either case, that is the opposite[/i] of “lack of knowledge about what 'attraction' is.”

The tall, relatively attractive youngster has no clue what he's talking about.