Calling after a first date


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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  March 26,2008, 10:01pm
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I went out on a date with a guy and a few days later he called, which I at first took as a good sign. We chatted for awhile, but he did not ask me out on a second date. He wanted to know if I felt any connection. Is this a way for a guy to see how the woman feels before having the guts to ask her out for a second date? I would have gladly said "yes" had he asked me on a second date. I was not quite sure if I felt a connection because sometimes it can takea little bitto really get to know someone. I believe this translated to a "no" that I was not interested in him. Guys out there, can you translate this reason forcallingbehavior for me?
 
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argytunes is offline argytunes Post #2  March 27,2008, 11:04am
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my5cents, wrote :
I went out on a date with a guy and a few days later he called, which I at first took as a good sign. We chatted for awhile, but he did not ask me out on a second date. He wanted to know if I felt any connection. Is this a way for a guy to see how the woman feels before having the guts to ask her out for a second date? I would have gladly said "yes" had he asked me on a second date. I was not quite sure if I felt a connection because sometimes it can takea little bitto really get to know someone. I believe this translated to a "no" that I was not interested in him. Guys out there, can you translate this reason forcallingbehavior for me?
my5cents...

How does ANYONE know there's chemistry after only one date? Despite the claims (and the tv commercials) that eharmony provides most members with their special mate...I think it takes more than one close encounter to truly know if there's compatibility?

Having said the above...there might have been something in the tone of your voice (during the phone conversation) that made the man uncomfortable with you in some way? As stupid as women perceive many of us to be, a man can detect genuine interest or complete desperation in the tone of a woman's voice?

Sometimes...a woman will say wordsthat will make a man feel good about himself...and subsequently...coax him into arrangingdate #2? Once we've asked and hung up the phone...we occasionallystartto get2nd thoughts?But usually we usually"honor our commitment" anyway!

When he asked if you felt any connection between you both...and you basically intimated the words: I DUNNO...that was probably enough of an excuse for him to turn you down for date #2? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif[/img]

argytunes
 
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DianaInHouston is offline DianaInHouston Post #3  March 27,2008, 2:20pm
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my5cents, wrote :
I went out on a date with a guy and a few days later he called, which I at first took as a good sign. We chatted for awhile, but he did not ask me out on a second date. He wanted to know if I felt any connection. Is this a way for a guy to see how the woman feels before having the guts to ask her out for a second date? I would have gladly said "yes" had he asked me on a second date. I was not quite sure if I felt a connection because sometimes it can takea little bitto really get to know someone. I believe this translated to a "no" that I was not interested in him. Guys out there, can you translate this reason forcallingbehavior for me?
I feel the same way as you do. I normally take more than one date to "feel a connection." However, I think MANY people think that if there is noconnection on the first date, there is never going to be a connection. My first eharmony date was like this. Neither of us felt a "spark" but I was willing to give it a bit of time while he was not. He informed me a couple of days later that he wasn't feeling it and I was fine with that.

I think that is part of the process. If you have different expectations then maybethat is a sign that it is NOT a good match?

On the other hand, I have a date tonight. If there is no spark (and I really don't expect there to be) I will close the match. There are enough indicators already that this match isnot going to work out. Why don't I just tell him now? Because Imade a committment to meet him and I am willing to give him a shot. What do I have to lose?
 
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chrlesmd is offline chrlesmd Post #4  March 27,2008, 5:07pm
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More than likely he wasn't sure how you felt...and threw the "connection" question out there to guage your interest in a second date. Not sure if it translated to a no, but I'm sure he's not any less confused at this point.



I've had dates where there was a spark...I think connection implies something deeper. Maybe he just wanted to see if you had a good time and enjoyed his company.
 
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BuzWeaver is offline BuzWeaver Post #5  March 27,2008, 5:57pm
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It kind of makes you wonder about the Chemistry question(s) and those people who close you because they don't feel there is any Chemistry.
 
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DianaInHouston is offline DianaInHouston Post #6  March 27,2008, 6:09pm
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Well, after my date I am more confused than ever. I had a great time but I did not feel a spark. He was wonderful, attentive, sweet, honest, etc. but ... no spark. Now I don't want to close him out because I actually liked the guy but from my previous experiences on eh and from reading the forums, I am wondering if I would be leading him on by NOT closing the match.

Maybe this is what your guy was going through, My5cents?
 
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BSchorr is offline BSchorr Post #7  March 27,2008, 6:56pm
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my5cents, wrote :
I went out on a date with a guy and a few days later he called, which I at first took as a good sign. We chatted for awhile, but he did not ask me out on a second date. He wanted to know if I felt any connection. Is this a way for a guy to see how the woman feels before having the guts to ask her out for a second date? I would have gladly said "yes" had he asked me on a second date. I was not quite sure if I felt a connection because sometimes it can takea little bitto really get to know someone. I believe this translated to a "no" that I was not interested in him. Guys out there, can you translate this reason forcallingbehavior for me?
I think you've probably got it right. I suspect he was fishing for how you were feeling about it and decided that you weren't that keen on a second date. So he chickened out of asking.

-B-
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #8  March 27,2008, 8:50pm
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DianaInHouston,75964 wrote :

Well, after my date I am more confused than ever. I had a great time but I did not feel a spark. He was wonderful, attentive, sweet, honest, etc. but ... no spark. Now I don't want to close him out because I actually liked the guy but from my previous experiences on eh and from reading the forums, I am wondering if I would be leading him on by NOT closing the match.

Maybe this is what your guy was going through, My5cents?
Hi DianaInHouston,
I really can't give advice from my somewhat limited online experience, but if you had a good time you can always try a second or third date to see if there is a spark. I would love to say that spark happens quickly (which it does sometimes), but I'm learning that with some people it really takes time. I dated one guy and we decided to be friends since there wasn't that "spark", but after hanging out with him quite a few times I really see more of his personality and there's more "spark". Trust me, it surprised me. I don't think we'll ever date again due to differences in values, but we do have a connection. So you really can't tell sometimes, some people don't let their "inner" self out until they truly feel comfortable. So in your case I would decide if you want to give him another chance, or you want to close him out. I kind of like being straight forward so people aren't led on, but I do it in the kindest way. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #9  March 27,2008, 8:59pm
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Thank you all for your insight! I later wrote him to tell him I was interested in getting to know him better, yeah I laid it on the line to make sure there wasn't any confusion. I also threw in quite a few compliments too. It took him awhile to respond and he said he'd call me. No call since then so I obviously get the hint. Moving on, just a little confused why he called in the first place if he wasn't truly interested. I guess I'll never know.
 
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OnwardThroughtheFog is offline OnwardThroughtheFog Post #10  March 27,2008, 9:30pm
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Diana and my5centsIf there is any interest in them as a relationship, make sure there is a second date. the Spark you mentioned has to happen from both sides, so if he is holding back, you most likely wont feel it. I encourage you (from a mans perspective) to make sure he knows what you liked if you do close him. I can tell you nothing is more annoying / confusing if you have a great time, think the date went well, and then close / no call with no follow up about why. I personally hate that, so i have to assume that at least a few other people will as well.good luck with whatever happensOnward

 
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