Was he really cheating?


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IShallNotLiveInVain is offline IShallNotLiveInVain Post #1  January 10,2009, 7:53pm
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A while ago, I met this cute guy at a coffee shop. We went on a great date and had set up another when it came out that he had a girlfriend! ACK! There had been clues and the date that we had was very platonic but still, it was definitely a date. I didn't hear from him for a while after the girlfriend news. This was fine. EH was actually sending me some decent prospects and I was enjoying my dating life for once. Then, New Years Eve day, I get an email from coffee shop guy asking how I am doing. I reply by asking him his intents. He says that he really likes me and that he broke things off with the girlfriend right after he met me but that he needed time to be sure he was over her and ready to move on.


I am not sure whether he deserves a second chance or not. On the one hand, he was honest with me before anything really happened so I am not sure that it counts as cheating on his ex. On the other hand, he did go on a date and called me daily while he still had a girlfriend and I have been hurt in the past by a guy with a similar MO.


I have been writing and re-writing a response to him for the past week. Nothing sounds right... probably because I am not sure whether or not I can trust him if I do give him a second chance...


I trust you all (with the exception of those I have been warned against). What should I do?
 
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Steve_Cam is offline Steve_Cam Post #2  January 10,2009, 7:57pm

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You can trust us all day long, that does you no good. Question is if you trust him? Doesnt sound like it. Not a great place to start a relationship. I think you already know what to do.


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VIMayakovsky is offline VIMayakovsky Post #3  January 10,2009, 7:57pm
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Was he good in bed?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  January 10,2009, 8:00pm
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“Girlfriend,” in this context, can be ambiguous. It is customary when dating to see multiple people concurrently until selecting one to be exclusive with. If he had not promised exclusivity to this “girlfriend,” there may not be a problem.
Another scenario is that he had this girl but is looking to “trade up.” Your callon whether you accept that.
 
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femputer is offline femputer Post #5  January 10,2009, 8:04pm
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What was your first instinct?


If this has happened in the past, do you think there is something about unavailable men that's causing you to attract them and date them?


If your first instinct is that he genuinely likes you and that he really ended his relationship with his ex, then it may be worth a second chance. If your instinct tells you that he is a player, then don't trust him.


Give him a call or talk to him face to face.


Did Brad Pitt cheat when he traded up? It is a matter of perspective and only you can figure out what the right answer is when it comes to this guy.
 
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NewOlivia is offline NewOlivia Post #6  January 10,2009, 8:09pm
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IShallNotLiveInVain, wrote :

A while ago, I met this cute guy at a coffee shop. We went on a great date and had set up another when it came out that he had a girlfriend! ACK! There had been clues and the date that we had was very platonic but still, it was definitely a date. I didn't hear from him for a while after the girlfriend news. This was fine. EH was actually sending me some decent prospects and I was enjoying my dating life for once. Then, New Years Eve day, I get an email from coffee shop guy asking how I am doing. I reply by asking him his intents. He says that he really likes me and that he broke things off with the girlfriend right after he met me but that he needed time to be sure he was over her and ready to move on.


I am not sure whether he deserves a second chance or not. On the one hand, he was honest with me before anything really happened so I am not sure that it counts as cheating on his ex. On the other hand, he did go on a date and called me daily while he still had a girlfriend and I have been hurt in the past by a guy with a similar MO.


I have been writing and re-writing a response to him for the past week. Nothing sounds right... probably because I am not sure whether or not I can trust him if I do give him a second chance...


I trust you all (with the exception of those I have been warned against). What should I do?
One basic rule in life... if you have any doubts.. DON'T DO IT! Please LISTEN to the inner voice that is warning you. Don't ignore it.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  January 10,2009, 8:13pm
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D_Lion,424836 wrote :
“Girlfriend,” in this context, can be ambiguous. It is customary when dating to see multiple people concurrently until selecting one to be exclusive with. If he had not promised exclusivity to this “girlfriend,” there may not be a problem.
Another scenario is that he had this girl but is looking to “trade up.” Your callon whether you accept that.
Ditto
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  January 10,2009, 8:16pm
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NewOlivia,424852 wrote :

IShallNotLiveInVain, wrote :


A while ago, I met this cute guy at a coffee shop. We went on a great date and had set up another when it came out that he had a girlfriend! ACK! There had been clues and the date that we had was very platonic but still, it was definitely a date. I didn't hear from him for a while after the girlfriend news. This was fine. EH was actually sending me some decent prospects and I was enjoying my dating life for once. Then, New Years Eve day, I get an email from coffee shop guy asking how I am doing. I reply by asking him his intents. He says that he really likes me and that he broke things off with the girlfriend right after he met me but that he needed time to be sure he was over her and ready to move on.


I am not sure whether he deserves a second chance or not. On the one hand, he was honest with me before anything really happened so I am not sure that it counts as cheating on his ex. On the other hand, he did go on a date and called me daily while he still had a girlfriend and I have been hurt in the past by a guy with a similar MO.


I have been writing and re-writing a response to him for the past week. Nothing sounds right... probably because I am not sure whether or not I can trust him if I do give him a second chance...


I trust you all (with the exception of those I have been warned against). What should I do?


One basic rule in life... if you have any doubts.. DON'T DO IT! Please LISTEN to the inner voice that is warning you. Don't ignore it.
This is good advice but also consider the question posed by D_Lion.


You have not provided enough information and you may not even have the required additional information, in which case you may wish to err on the safe side and follow NewOlivia's advice.
 
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c_hristy is offline c_hristy Post #9  January 10,2009, 8:38pm
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IShallNotLiveInVain, wrote :

A while ago, I met this cute guy at a coffee shop. We went on a great date and had set up another when it came out that he had a girlfriend! ACK! There had been clues and the date that we had was very platonic but still, it was definitely a date. I didn't hear from him for a while after the girlfriend news. This was fine. EH was actually sending me some decent prospects and I was enjoying my dating life for once. Then, New Years Eve day, I get an email from coffee shop guy asking how I am doing. I reply by asking him his intents. He says that he really likes me and that he broke things off with the girlfriend right after he met me but that he needed time to be sure he was over her and ready to move on.


I am not sure whether he deserves a second chance or not. On the one hand, he was honest with me before anything really happened so I am not sure that it counts as cheating on his ex. On the other hand, he did go on a date and called me daily while he still had a girlfriend and I have been hurt in the past by a guy with a similar MO.


I have been writing and re-writing a response to him for the past week. Nothing sounds right... probably because I am not sure whether or not I can trust him if I do give him a second chance...


I trust you all (with the exception of those I have been warned against). What should I do?
Oooo, I don't know. I think it'd repeatedly run through my head that he was capable of doing the same thing to me if things got rocky.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  January 10,2009, 9:14pm
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In my mind, the term girlfriend implies that there was a relationship...not just someone he was dating. That is what I would assume from what you've said. Assuming, some will tell you, isn't the way to go.


But, he had a girlfriend and he broke up with her.


In between, he was having a date with you.


So, when you're his girlfriend...


Is it cheating? It depends on your definition. It would be to me. It might not be to you.
 
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