Where Could I Meet YOU Locally?


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NightengalesSong is offline NightengalesSong Post #81  January 10,2009, 8:03pm
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EXCELLENT points about meeting people Shelby!


D_Lion,


I, for one, am never hit on. Well, somone I saw often in the grocery store about the same time (10 PM) a lot of night asked me out to a church function. (This was over 10 years ago.) Even though I'd seen and talked to him several times in the store, I was leary of going out with someone I knew almost nothing about and said no. It was only AFTER the fact that I realized he was asking me out! I can be more than a little oblivious.


But I DON'T get hit on -- ever.


I must admit, it probably has a lot to do with me. In the past, I've gone out of my way to keep to myself and give offa "don't talk to me" vibe when I'm out alone -- to men AND women.I've realizedI need to relaxin the years since and have become more friendly and social in settings where I'm surrounded by strangers. But Istill have a tendancy to keep to myself. It has nothing to do with men, but with other personal things.For one, I'm physically small (4'10" and 92 lbs) and safety is an issue for me. I want to avoid the Ted Bundy types.


As far as asking other guys in the grocery store for help (I'm one of those who can't reach things on the top two shelves), I admit, I'm guilty of going to find store help instead of asking the guy standing right next to me. Aside from safety, I'm a bit shy and reserved with strangers and don't always feel comfortable talking to strangers -- especially men. Now, if it's a woman, I feel more "safe" and am more apt to talk to a strange woman or ask her for help.


I'm home most of the time when I'm not at work. All of my classes this semester are online classes, plus I do a lot of work-related stuff on the computer. I'm part of the largest church in my area, but I often prefer to attend services online (they broadcast them live) instead of going in. (I'm lazy.) I also work for the largest company in our area (a Fortune 500 company) and haven't met anyone there either.


I was talking with another friend of mine a while back (I've known him for 20 years, we're both single and we're also co-workers), and we were asking ourselves why we can't find a date. I mean, we live in West Palm Beach, FL -- not Podunk Iowa! Ugggh! (We're good friends, but there's not chemistry between us and so we're not candidates for each other.)


I have to admit, it has a lot to do with me, as I said. But when I HAVE made a concerted effort to get out and meet more people, I found that I still wasn't meeting eligible guys. They were either married or in a long-term relationship. There's just no way to tell if a guy is availabe (much less interested) unless he's wearing a wedding ring. But just because he isn't wearing onedoesn't mean he's available.


I can be found at Barnes and Noble too. They have a Starbucks in my local BN store and I love to spend time there. I'm a huge bookworm. Because I have some physical limitations, you won't find me at functions which require serious physical activity (like hiking).


Michelle
 
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corky44 is offline corky44 Post #82  January 10,2009, 8:28pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis, wrote :

The following exchange occured in another thread:


DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :


tbesq,423861 wrote :


The good men are like the good women...they usually fly under the radar. So it should be easy for you to understand our point of view. Many women out there are not exercising due diligence to find the right person, and neither are many men. The difference is, women have this nurturing instinct that compels many of them to take bad boys and try to turn them into pillars of the community. Men will chase the bad girls for the sex or to for an accessory(in many cases), but are less likely to try to reform them. And we certainly don't try to convince ourselves that they're the woman for us. So we end up back on the singles market sooner.


Mabye we should start a new thread on this. Like others, I've found more people I want to interact with on here than I have in a long time in Richmond -- other than those I ballroom dance with and you'd be surprised how many of the woman there are married and their husbands stay home!


I think part of the issue is that this board appeals to people that do think about relationships and life, so it has a narrow appeal. But the net is wide, covering the entire world. If I tried to cast the same net over just the Richmond area, how many men and women would I find like the people here? Not as many as when this same net is cast worldwide.


But maybe if we start focusing on what someone out there, near us, could do to find US, we could all help each other a little in finding out where we can meet partners. If I have time, I'll start this thread in Dating (something like, "Where Could I Meet YOU Locally?"). I just need to think of how to word it -- if someone gets to it before I do, that's fine.


So how about it? There are a number of women here I'd love to go out with. There are women here that, if they lived in my city, I'd have asked out long ago (but I'm not going to admit who!). On this board we get a chance to exchange ideas and meet a lot of interesting people. Many of us have said we meet more interesting people here than in real life.


So if I wanted to meet one of you ladies, where would I meet you? Should I go hang out in the Self Improvement or Relationship section at Barnes and Noble? If so, do you go by after work or in the evening? How would I approach you there or someplace else you hang out in a way that would not lead you to writing me off immediately?


And men, where would a woman find us and how could she show her interest in a way that would make it easy for us to connect with her?


In short, how can we find people like us, the members of eHA?
Hey DOA, I tend to do a lot of work in coffee shops. Sometimes I'm there for hours or even all day depending on what I've got to get done. I do occasionally visit bookstores as well and have my weekly visits to Costco and the grocery store. However, since I don't really like shopping, I'm all business in the food stores. A few weeks ago, I was standing in line at Jason's Deli and a guy asked me to eat lunch with him. I thought it was sweet and made lunch go quickly. Evidently I didn't impress him as he didn't ask for my number... Oh well.
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #83  January 10,2009, 8:33pm
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I'm usually with one of my kids or rushing from one errand to the other, so I'm probably not easy to approach.Work - no, not a good idea! Lessee...Home Depot, Ace Hardware, the local nursery, at the YMCA in the pool, restaurants and coffee houses with friends, church, the bookstore, the grocery store, walking my dog. I exchange smiles with people but nothing ever comes of it! I did have one guy start talking to me at the hardware store about six months ago while I was trying to find parts to fix my lamp (and looking confused). He was kinda cute but my daughter kept giving him those tween "you're so weird" looks and he backed up right away. *sigh* Whenever I'm out and about, I havemy own mini secret service, aka kids
 
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mtnmaiden is offline mtnmaiden Post #84  January 10,2009, 8:39pm

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Work, but good luck making it in to the inner sanctum to see me. Otherwise, I can be found at the library, Target, Costco ( 2-3 times a month), grocery or hardware stores , the few restaurants in town, local museum, hiking trails, snowshoe hikes,taking walks in my neighborhood, movies (occasionally), the local theatre, parks, live music venues, hockey and baseball games, game nights at one of the local pubs, church, hanging with family and friends.


I have only lived in my current city (SMALL) for 4 months, so I am still trying to figure out where to go to meet quality folks to hang out with and get to know on a friendly basis, as well as any potential dates.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #85  January 10,2009, 8:48pm
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I hang out at the Quick Stop.
 
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scorpio is offline scorpio Post #86  January 10,2009, 8:53pm
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You could meet me at:


-The Friends section of the library, browsing for aninexpensive book.


- Giving aslide presentation of my art at a local community college, library social room or local university.After the presentation, you could start a conversation or ask more questions about the art.


- A small jazz club.


- A poetry slam.
 
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c_hristy is offline c_hristy Post #87  January 10,2009, 8:57pm
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DreamingOfAtlantis, wrote :


The following exchange occured in another thread:


DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :


tbesq,423861 wrote :


The good men are like the good women...they usually fly under the radar. So it should be easy for you to understand our point of view. Many women out there are not exercising due diligence to find the right person, and neither are many men. The difference is, women have this nurturing instinct that compels many of them to take bad boys and try to turn them into pillars of the community. Men will chase the bad girls for the sex or to for an accessory(in many cases), but are less likely to try to reform them. And we certainly don't try to convince ourselves that they're the woman for us. So we end up back on the singles market sooner.


Mabye we should start a new thread on this. Like others, I've found more people I want to interact with on here than I have in a long time in Richmond -- other than those I ballroom dance with and you'd be surprised how many of the woman there are married and their husbands stay home!


I think part of the issue is that this board appeals to people that do think about relationships and life, so it has a narrow appeal. But the net is wide, covering the entire world. If I tried to cast the same net over just the Richmond area, how many men and women would I find like the people here? Not as many as when this same net is cast worldwide.


But maybe if we start focusing on what someone out there, near us, could do to find US, we could all help each other a little in finding out where we can meet partners. If I have time, I'll start this thread in Dating (something like, "Where Could I Meet YOU Locally?"). I just need to think of how to word it -- if someone gets to it before I do, that's fine.


So how about it? There are a number of women here I'd love to go out with. There are women here that, if they lived in my city, I'd have asked out long ago (but I'm not going to admit who!). On this board we get a chance to exchange ideas and meet a lot of interesting people. Many of us have said we meet more interesting people here than in real life.


So if I wanted to meet one of you ladies, where would I meet you? Should I go hang out in the Self Improvement or Relationship section at Barnes and Noble? If so, do you go by after work or in the evening? How would I approach you there or someplace else you hang out in a way that would not lead you to writing me off immediately?


And men, where would a woman find us and how could she show her interest in a way that would make it easy for us to connect with her?


In short, how can we find people like us, the members of eHA?


This is really an excellent post.





For me it's either coffeeshops or out at dinner/or bar with friends. Sometimes I'll even see a man that's continually looking at me, or get the I'm-attracted-to-you vibe. And then nothing.





Coffeshops : Unfortunately, based on the line of work I'm in, I have A LOT of reading and I prefer to do it out of my apartment- coffeeshops, panera, etc.


Possibly men think I'm busy and don't want to be disturbed. To this I would say grow a pair and try to talk to me. If a woman doesn't want to be disturbed, trust me- you'll get the vibe.





Out at dinner with friends : Granted women are more intimidating when in droves, but so what? If the target of your eye has a boyfriend, then you'll figure that out when you approach her. If she's having a girls' night out and is just not in the mood for your advances then once again: you'll get the vibe.





...It's not that I have a problem approaching a man. But I do find it frustrating when I can tell a man is interested and then he makes no initiative to talk to me. Really you just got to get used to talking to women wherever.


And through that you'll learn to read the vibes. If she seems dis-interested, so what?! Walk away, no harm no foul.





The best advice I can give a man is you really just have a devil-may-care attitude when it comes to rejection. Not when it comes to woman, of course- that's where you fall into the "bad boy" territory. But look, those notorious bad boys are successful right? So take a little of what makes them successful. If you get rejected, who cares? Don't be shy:


If you're attracted, talk to her.


If she's not interested, don't stick around!


Just walk away. Get on with your day.
 
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love2sign is offline love2sign Post #88  January 10,2009, 9:02pm
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My situation is kinda unique and would like to gather your input. See, I am deaf and use sign language. I can lip-read fairly well. It tends to take some time for one to become accustomed to my speech. I find it very difficult to approach to a guy in fear that I'd scare him away. I fear that he may not be comfortable attempting to communicate with me. Whenever a guy approaches to me and realizes that I am deaf, he would apologize and excuse himself away. Do you have any ideas or suggestion?Please donot suggest me to seek out deaf guys only. I have been there, done that. Thanks
 
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c_hristy is offline c_hristy Post #89  January 10,2009, 9:03pm
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ThePriestess,424925 wrote :

I hang out at the Quick Stop.
haha. nice.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #90  January 10,2009, 9:17pm
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c_hristy,424938 wrote :

DreamingOfAtlantis, wrote :


The following exchange occured in another thread:


DreamingOfAtlantis wrote :


tbesq,423861 wrote :


The good men are like the good women...they usually fly under the radar. So it should be easy for you to understand our point of view. Many women out there are not exercising due diligence to find the right person, and neither are many men. The difference is, women have this nurturing instinct that compels many of them to take bad boys and try to turn them into pillars of the community. Men will chase the bad girls for the sex or to for an accessory(in many cases), but are less likely to try to reform them. And we certainly don't try to convince ourselves that they're the woman for us. So we end up back on the singles market sooner.


Mabye we should start a new thread on this. Like others, I've found more people I want to interact with on here than I have in a long time in Richmond -- other than those I ballroom dance with and you'd be surprised how many of the woman there are married and their husbands stay home!


I think part of the issue is that this board appeals to people that do think about relationships and life, so it has a narrow appeal. But the net is wide, covering the entire world. If I tried to cast the same net over just the Richmond area, how many men and women would I find like the people here? Not as many as when this same net is cast worldwide.


But maybe if we start focusing on what someone out there, near us, could do to find US, we could all help each other a little in finding out where we can meet partners. If I have time, I'll start this thread in Dating (something like, "Where Could I Meet YOU Locally?"). I just need to think of how to word it -- if someone gets to it before I do, that's fine.


So how about it? There are a number of women here I'd love to go out with. There are women here that, if they lived in my city, I'd have asked out long ago (but I'm not going to admit who!). On this board we get a chance to exchange ideas and meet a lot of interesting people. Many of us have said we meet more interesting people here than in real life.


So if I wanted to meet one of you ladies, where would I meet you? Should I go hang out in the Self Improvement or Relationship section at Barnes and Noble? If so, do you go by after work or in the evening? How would I approach you there or someplace else you hang out in a way that would not lead you to writing me off immediately?


And men, where would a woman find us and how could she show her interest in a way that would make it easy for us to connect with her?


In short, how can we find people like us, the members of eHA?


This is really an excellent post.





For me it's either coffeeshops or out at dinner/or bar with friends. Sometimes I'll even see a man that's continually looking at me, or get the I'm-attracted-to-you vibe. And then nothing.





Coffeshops : Unfortunately, based on the line of work I'm in, I have A LOT of reading and I prefer to do it out of my apartment- coffeeshops, panera, etc.


Possibly men think I'm busy and don't want to be disturbed. To this I would say grow a pair and try to talk to me. If a woman doesn't want to be disturbed, trust me- you'll get the vibe.





Out at dinner with friends : Granted women are more intimidating when in droves, but so what? If the target of your eye has a boyfriend, then you'll figure that out when you approach her. If she's having a girls' night out and is just not in the mood for your advances then once again: you'll get the vibe.





...It's not that I have a problem approaching a man. But I do find it frustrating when I can tell a man is interested and then he makes no initiative to talk to me. Really you just got to get used to talking to women wherever.


And through that you'll learn to read the vibes. If she seems dis-interested, so what?! Walk away, no harm no foul.





The best advice I can give a man is you really just have a devil-may-care attitude when it comes to rejection. Not when it comes to woman, of course- that's where you fall into the "bad boy" territory. But look, those notorious bad boys are successful right? So take a little of what makes them successful. If you get rejected, who cares? Don't be shy:


If you're attracted, talk to her.


If she's not interested, don't stick around!


Just walk away. Get on with your day.
I appreciate your posts and think those are all reasonable tips. However, unless you've ever approached a man with that uncertainty of whether you'll be rejected, I would recommend youdispense with the "grow a pair" comments. You have no idea how nerveracking it is to approach a woman you've never met. It's not as simple as "no harm no foul" and "penetrating the fortress of a group of women."


What you're saying, in general is true and makes sense. But if it comes through a lack of personal experience or perspective, it just comes of as condescending.
 
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