Women want men they can talk to; men want women they can do stuff with?


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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #1  January 3,2009, 9:05am
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I was browsing some dating/relationship books at the bookstore and this line stuck out, "women want men they can talk to; men want women they can do things with." In some ways it's a twist on other generalizations about women being more social, ... men being ... etc.


I guess what got me was that it reminded me of a female friend of mine who when I ask her what she's looking for in a guy, she always responds, "somebody I can talk to". That always bothered me. I was always underwhelmed that she didn't have more discerning criteria.


I'll admit as a guy that when I look at a match, the first thing I think about are what mutual interests we have that are things we'd do together. Leaves me wondering if my profile should less emphasize what things I like to "do" and try to figure out some way to make it more clear that I'd be pleasant/interesting/fun to "talk" with.


Thoughts? Women, when you view a profile, do you imagine what it'd be like to talk with guy you're viewing?
 
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NGogol is offline NGogol Post #2  January 3,2009, 9:15am
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I am a guy, and my main criteria is also someone I can talk to. Unfortunately very few women can actually talk.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #3  January 3,2009, 9:18am

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I am the odd ball out - I want a man that I will have fundoing stuff together. If we can talk together, that is great. But I do not expect him to be my girlfriend when it comes to talking. I do expect him to know how to listen but I usually help in that I tell him before I start talking that I really just need him to listen right now.


But other women, would probably find some references to talking appealing. My take, just be yourself on the profile. If someone is interested then they will want to talk to you regardless of what is on your profile.
 
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coloradochik is offline coloradochik Post #4  January 3,2009, 9:40am
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My ideal is someone I can do stuff with and also talk to while we are doingstuff Seriously, I like to hike but it is much more fun when we can have a conversation while we're walking along (or at least at the rest breaks).


I do want a partner who is intelligent and thoughtful, and it is nice if he can express his thoughts, too.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #5  January 3,2009, 9:42am
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that's a thought. as a woman, i'd say most women yearn for talking. talking is love. talking produces an oxytocin high for women - i think it's oxytocin.


but i don't look for talkers. i may be unusual. but here's the deal - the talking is not just talking. it's not an exchange or display of information, nor a pastime. it's like pinging someone to see if the connection is alive to you, and it's a big thrill to get a response back and know that it is. when a man says he talks, i don't think it tells you if he can handle responding being "pinged."


i am even kinda anti-thrilled by men who put it on their profiles. the other thing is, close relationships work rather like the parent-infant dynamic. you're not entertaining each other, you're living with and looking out for each other. most of the time the conversation will not be grandiose, but inane. quick quips. it's back to pinging, and if a man can get used to that.
 
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born2bwild is offline born2bwild Post #6  January 3,2009, 3:04pm
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Who says one has to be exclusive of the other??
 
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born2bwild is offline born2bwild Post #7  January 4,2009, 5:10am
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coloradochik,411315 wrote :

My ideal is someone I can do stuff with and also talk to while we are doingstuff Seriously, I like to hike but it is much more fun when we can have a conversation while we're walking along (or at least at the rest breaks).


I do want a partner who is intelligent and thoughtful, and it is nice if he can express his thoughts, too.
I totally agree!
 
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rg26 is offline rg26 Post #8  January 4,2009, 5:36am
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I wish I could find a man who wanted to do the stuff I like. That would be a huge plus. Most guys my age (late 40's) say they are into all this active and outdoors stuff but when you actually meet them turns out they just used to do that stuff- like 15 years ago.


I'm not into all that 'lets share our intermost thoughts' stuff. I don't open up easily and find it somewhat uncomfortable when someone I don't know really well starts doing this.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  January 4,2009, 6:06am
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Hmm, if I am sitting across from my match at a restuarant and there is a lot of silence, to me this is not a good date. On the other hand I would also like my date to want to do "things" other than just talk.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  January 4,2009, 6:23am
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lil_lamb,411321 wrote :

that's a thought. as a woman, i'd say most women yearn for talking. talking is love. talking produces an oxytocin high for women - i think it's oxytocin.


but i don't look for talkers. i may be unusual. but here's the deal - the talking is not just talking. it's not an exchange or display of information, nor a pastime. it's like pinging someone to see if the connection is alive to you, and it's a big thrill to get a response back and know that it is. when a man says he talks, i don't think it tells you if he can handle responding being "pinged."


i am even kinda anti-thrilled by men who put it on their profiles. the other thing is, close relationships work rather like the parent-infant dynamic. you're not entertaining each other, you're living with and looking out for each other. most of the time the conversation will not be grandiose, but inane. quick quips. it's back to pinging, and if a man can get used to that.
I am not exactly sure I understand what your are saying but I have had many a date where my match was not good at conversation. If I am sitting across from my match and there is a lot of silence I don't consider the date is going well. Conversation is a back and forth thing and I may not be the best conversationalist but I can hold up my end but I can't hold up both ends.


P.S. there is a key on either end of the keyboard labeled "Shift" that when pressed along with a letter will cause the letter to be capitalized to indicate the start of a sentence or the porper use of the personal "I". Just say'n.
 
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