What to do? Let it go or confront him?


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marylovesplaya is offline marylovesplaya Post #21  December 21,2008, 3:29pm
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Well, I think I'm going to go with a few suggestions. I think I will invite him over for dinner and maybe we can talk. I don't want to be confrontational or accusatory, but I kind of think he should tell me if something's changed. I think we've had enough dates and phone conversations that I deserve that. And I know I'll have to accept whatever he says. I'm not going to try to get him to change his mind or anything. I mean, I like him, but I wouldn't be devastated if it didn't work out. And maybe he's one of these guys who gets all hot and heavy and then backs off. I was just hoping to see where it would go. Up until now he's been one of the nicest guys I've ever met.

And, Rogerlee5, I think you may be on to something regarding his ego. It just didn't occur to me until you mentioned it because I think sometimes that takes a little time. I just figured it would keep getting better as we got more comfortable with each other. Maybe he felt like after all his talking maybe he was a little embarrassed that he wasn't quite as . . . as he originally came across. (And it was far from bad.)

And D_Lion, you are probably right. It could be his communication style. He's been pretty consistent from day one on how he communicates, better in some areas than others. Nothing has changed in that respect. Maybe it was more my expectations that after we got to that level he would be a little more -- I don't know -- effusive, which really isn't his style unless we are in person.

Okay, feeling a little more balanced now. Thank you all.
 
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YMishima is offline YMishima Post #22  December 21,2008, 3:31pm
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I still say, confront.


Con-front! Con-front! Con-front!


He had sex, he must pay.
 
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marylovesplaya is offline marylovesplaya Post #23  December 21,2008, 3:37pm
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Ymishima, why don't you confront him???

Seriously, I just want to know; I don't want to beat him up over it.
 
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YMishima is offline YMishima Post #24  December 21,2008, 3:45pm
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I am a lover, not a fighter.
 
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last12C is offline last12C Post #25  December 21,2008, 3:54pm
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In addition to all of the other good possibilities that havebeen mentionedfor what might be going on, I'd like to add that it ispossible that level of intimacy might have scared him a little bit and he needs time to pull back and assess his own feelings and vulnerabilities. If that is the case, giving him a bit of space, then moving forward without any huge expectations might be a good idea. Go back to doing things that were simply funin the beginning (the things that attracted him to you in the first place)for a while to take the pressure off. I don't think that physical intimacy necessarily means the same thing to a guy as it does to a gal. Don't assume that just because he shared thatwith you that he is moving closer toa significantly deeper level of commitment. If he senses that now you have more expectations of him you could scare him off if he is not ready for that step. Good luck!
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #26  December 21,2008, 4:01pm
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rogerlee5,389066 wrote :


YMishima,389047 wrote :


Confront and let us know how it went. Never choose to let it go. Always confront.

That worked well with the first ex-wife.. The second ex-wife didn't like it too much.. The third ex-wife really enjoyed it, but I didn't..





Wait!! With 3 ex's what am I doing giving advice?? Although, having convinced 3 women to marry me, I must have been a reasonably good date.. And you don't see me giving advice in the Relationships board..





Oh well, it is still a good life if you don't weaken..





Roger, I'm sure that despite the self-depricating humor, you do quite well in the dating realm (and that enigmatic smile on your profile is a dead give-away!)


BTW: Keep up the Santa jokes....I love 'em! ...
 
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Jeanniec is offline Jeanniec Post #27  December 21,2008, 4:06pm
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marylovesplaya,389019 wrote :
And I know he's VERY busy with work this week. But I can't help think that if it was important to him then he'd find the time to call. I would like to think he'd tell me the truth, but I guess that's difficult for anyone.
Nobody is soooo busy he cannot find or make time to call. If he became very DISTANT after you slept with him, it means you slept with him way, too soon. It's one of the most precious gifts a woman can give to a man. I'm not trying to make you feel bad but think about it.... you first have to value it, before you share this part of yourself. And when you do share this part of yourself with a man, he feels special you shared yourself and finds you valuable. He doesn't owe you an explanation, it would be nice if he did, but you were a consenting adult. What would you consider to be honest or the truth? Sometimes we don't always know why, we just are not feeling it for someone - anymore.

Consider this a lesson and move one…. Is this the type of relationship you want with him – one YOU are always pursuing and chasing… how would this make you feel as a woman?
 
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marylovesplaya is offline marylovesplaya Post #28  December 21,2008, 4:30pm
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I agree that nobody is so busy they can't find a few minutes to call. We did talk; it just didn't feel the same to me. Maybe it was me reading more into it. I'm not sure. And I do value myself and I do value sex. I'm not slutty in any sense. If he feels a need to pull back, then he should tell me. If I felt like I needed to after being intimate with him, for whatever reason, I would tell him. I don't "give it up" easily. I think it's different for everyone. For some people, sex on the first date works. For me, I have to have some real mental connection. It was there. I didn't imagine it. And I don't chase him, and he doesn't chase me. It's been somewhat equal, though he is very gentlemanly and attentive when we go out. Maybe subconsciously I feel like I did sleep with him too soon (although on a conscious level I don't) and that's why I'm feeling a little antsy about it. Time will tell I guess.
 
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marylovesplaya is offline marylovesplaya Post #29  December 21,2008, 4:32pm
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And I do think, Last12C, that he might be feeling a little anxiety over how fast things have moved. I have too, a little bit. And I think taking a step back might be a good idea for both of us.
 
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YMishima is offline YMishima Post #30  December 21,2008, 4:39pm
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Jeanniec,389215 wrote :

Is this the type of relationship you want with him – one YOU are always pursuing and chasing… how would this make you feel as a woman?
I am sure it will feel horrible. After all, women are supposed to realx and eat cherries while men do all the hard work of pursuing. i mean, what has the world come to? women having to pursue is like blasphemy.
 
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