LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #1  December 19,2008, 4:27pm

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Ok, this is a spin-off from D_Lion's thread but with different circumstances. Let's just change some things in the story.


  1. No one is being setup
  2. You are in a relationship, does not matter if it is brand new or older than my mother. You are in a relationship.
  3. Your partner is sexually flirting with someone (virtually or in person).





In my book, that is enough to kick him to the curb. Does not matter that they did not actually do anything they talked about. I do not want someone that would do that. End of story.





Tell me I am not old-fashioned or a prude here.
 
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organicsweetie67 is offline organicsweetie67 Post #2  December 19,2008, 4:30pm

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There is no right or wrong here. Your values, boundaries and personal comfort are important to your happiness. If this is a dealbreaker for you then don't worry about what other people think.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #3  December 19,2008, 4:31pm
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If you are actually on a date with them and this flirting happens, it's damn rude and inappropriate.


If the relationship is exclusive, then it's wrong.


If the relationship is not exclusive, then it's ok.


Now we are talking sexually flirting, like making sexually suggestive remarks. If it's just casual flirting then that's natural and ok as well, exclusivity or not.
 
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Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #4  December 19,2008, 4:42pm
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LizziePooh, wrote :

Ok, this is a spin-off from D_Lion's thread but with different circumstances. Let's just change some things in the story.


  1. No one is being setup
  2. You are in a relationship, does not matter if it is brand new or older than my mother. You are in a relationship.
  3. Your partner is sexually flirting with someone (virtually or in person).





In my book, that is enough to kick him to the curb. Does not matter that they did not actually do anything they talked about. I do not want someone that would do that. End of story.





Tell me I am not old-fashioned or a prude here.
The question is too open. The flirting - and the anger you have about it - is a symptom of a larger problem, and it's impossible to say where the problem lies from what you've given here, Liz.


If he's flirting - with intent - with some other woman, then there's definitely a problem in the relationship. A man who is happy in his relationship doesn't try and garner someone else's interest. Something is wrong, and the two of you aren't talking about it. THAT is the problem, not the flirting itself, which is only a symptom of the larger issue.


If he's flirting - without any intent at doing anything about it - then the issue is your jealousy. Something is going on in either your head or with the relationship that is making this larger than it should be. Again this is a problem with the relationship, and it's still a communication problem - why are you unable to talk with him about it?


Partly this is a matter of degree, which you haven't specified. If a guy is having 'text sex' with someone, or telling her how he wants to undress her, etc. then that isa huge problem, regardless of his intent.


But if he's just flirting around casually, without any specific intent, then I'd be inclined to say it's probably harmless and you're overreacting. Some guys (and some women) are just flirtatious. They don't mean anything by it. It's just the way they interact with people of the opposite sex. To a limited degree, I do that myself. It doesn't really mean anything, it's just a fun interaction. If I'm flirting for a purpose, trust me, it's a very different thing.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #5  December 19,2008, 4:42pm
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I agree that flirting is fine. Sexually flirting probably goes too far. If it is virtual, then that would be on a case by case basis. Depends if you believe that there is any chance of a possible meet. If is just make believe, then I would not care. Although, I would think the virtual behavior to be quite bazaar & might reconsider who my SO is.
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #6  December 19,2008, 4:49pm
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LizziePooh, wrote :

Ok, this is a spin-off from D_Lion's thread but with different circumstances. Let's just change some things in the story.


  1. No one is being setup
  2. You are in a relationship, does not matter if it is brand new or older than my mother. You are in a relationship.
  3. Your partner is sexually flirting with someone (virtually or in person).





In my book, that is enough to kick him to the curb. Does not matter that they did not actually do anything they talked about. I do not want someone that would do that. End of story.





Tell me I am not old-fashioned or a prude here.
In my books they'd only be around long enough for me to click close and delete their email! That is something I just won't tolerate!


You are not old fashioned or prudish at all!
 
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luvablefrog is offline luvablefrog Post #7  December 19,2008, 4:53pm
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Tyym,386707 wrote :

LizziePooh, wrote :


Ok, this is a spin-off from D_Lion's thread but with different circumstances. Let's just change some things in the story.


  1. No one is being setup
  2. You are in a relationship, does not matter if it is brand new or older than my mother. You are in a relationship.
  3. Your partner is sexually flirting with someone (virtually or in person).





In my book, that is enough to kick him to the curb. Does not matter that they did not actually do anything they talked about. I do not want someone that would do that. End of story.





Tell me I am not old-fashioned or a prude here.


In my books they'd only be around long enough for me to click close and delete their email! That is something I just won't tolerate!


You are not old fashioned or prudish at all!
i agree! Casual flirting is one thing, although OBVIOUS flirts in front of a SO is still rude and insensitive, IMHO.


SEXUAL flirting is a no-no. No way, no how, no BS. See ya....
 
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Aussie_Devilette is offline Aussie_Devilette Post #8  December 19,2008, 4:55pm
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I'm with GP. Well put.


I'd like LizziePooh to define "sexually flirting". I mean, to me, flirting is basically about sex, however innocent it might be on the surface. A wink can be flirting with the right facial expression, far more than any words.


Speaking openly about s*x on the internet with a person of the opposite gender is WAY past flirting, in my book and in that case, yes, in an exclusive relationship I'd probably be saying "There's the door, I hope it slaps your butt on the way out."


However, lighthearted innuendo at a party is fun and provided everyone respects the boundaries of the relationship I can't see anything wrong.
 
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BSLS is offline BSLS Post #9  December 19,2008, 5:01pm
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Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe ALL flirting is wrong if you're in a relationship with someone. Whether there is intent or not, it is disrespectful to your partner, and it devalues your partner and the relationship.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  December 19,2008, 5:10pm
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I don't think that you are either old fashioned or a prude. Each person has certain values, morals and ethics. Yours say no flirting if you are in a realstionship and I would agree with you even though this is not a view shared by a good many of the other posters. Except you are allowed to flirt with your partner.
 
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