When do you call someone after a first date?


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redknight881 is offline redknight881 Post #1  December 18,2008, 11:08am
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I always wonder when women want you to call them after a first date? If I have a first date and it goes well, I never see any reason to not call them the next day. I always figure that if I am interested, then women will want to know that instead of wondering. I feel like if I wait, then I am just playing games.


But I also wonder if women think that makes me seem desparate. The way I see it, meeting someone special is important to me, so why should be try to be "cool" about it?


I guess the same is true in eHarmony. If you answer someones questions or emails right away, does that also make you look desparate?


Your thoughts?
 
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marylovesplaya is offline marylovesplaya Post #2  December 18,2008, 1:07pm
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I don't think it seems desperate. I like when a guy calls the next day. I like to know if he's interested. And I had one guy who called me after the date (later that same night) to make sure I got home okay, which I LOVED, and we ended up talking for 3 more hours. I like a guy who pays attention.
 
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Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #3  December 18,2008, 1:30pm
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redknight881, wrote :


I always wonder when women want you to call them after a first date? If I have a first date and it goes well, I never see any reason to not call them the next day. I always figure that if I am interested, then women will want to know that instead of wondering. I feel like if I wait, then I am just playing games.


But I also wonder if women think that makes me seem desparate. The way I see it, meeting someone special is important to me, so why should be try to be "cool" about it?


I guess the same is true in eHarmony. If you answer someones questions or emails right away, does that also make you look desparate?


Your thoughts?


This topic always generates some interesting conversation when it comes up.


Most women seem to indicate that they like you to call right away. Next day.


Most men (including myself) will tell you that, having done so in the past, actually calling a woman the next day after a first date is a pretty sure way to not get a second date.


I can't explain the dichotomy but I've seen it over and over again, and can say that I've had far more second dates from women I called three or four days later than from ones I've called the next day. The "it makes you look desperate or overeager" theory is the front-runner, but only the women involved can tell you what their motivations were.


Let's put it this way: Who is more interesting? A guy who has a busy, active life doing things that he enjoys, and so calls her after a few days, or someone who has shoved everything to the side for the girl after only one date? Yes, I know that's a bit of a hyperbolic example, but you can see my point.


While my schedule usually makes it something that comes naturally, my experience has been this: Say you asked her out for a Friday or Saturday date. If you want to take her out again the following weekend, you don't want to wait any longer than Wednesday - and Tuesday would be better. To wait any longer would be rude, and she may already have made other plans if you wait past Wednesday. So if you went out on Friday, call her on Monday. Saturday? Monday or Tuesday. Not as a strategy, but simply that you should be busy enough yourself that this is how it works out.


Gives her a little chance to think over the date and how it went, also.


From the standpoint of being a man, I personally believe that this is one of those areas where most women don't understand their own behavior very well. They honestly believe one thing, but when it happens, they do something else.


Men have equivalent examples - we say we're not into ourselves, but a quick read of the forums will list hundreds of cases where women have commented upon men posting shirtless pictures all over their profiles. -shakes head sadly-
 
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lada2 is online now lada2 Post #4  December 18,2008, 1:37pm
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y'all make this sound so complicated, I wonder why we even bother.
 
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meg731 is offline meg731 Post #5  December 18,2008, 1:45pm
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I agree with everything Glider Pilot said, including the part where we don't know our own behavior very well. My initial response to this question is that I'd like it if they called me that night or the next day. When I really think about it though...that might creep me out a little. What can I say? We confuse ourselves sometimes.


There is, however, an exception to this. If I really, really like a guy. If it was one of those rare amazing dateswhere you really feel the connection... I would love for him to call me that night and say he felt the same way. If it was just a so-so date, then he should probably wait a few days.


Clear as mud, right?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  December 18,2008, 1:50pm
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I try to set up the second date while I am still on[/i] the first (assuming I want one.) Effectively, I never need to ask[/i] someone out after the first time because I already have.
Does this lose me some women? Maybe; maybe not. Do I care? Nope. If I get dumped for waiting / not waiting a requisite number of days: good riddance.
 
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Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #7  December 18,2008, 2:32pm
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meg731,384940 wrote :

... There is, however, an exception to this. If I really, really like a guy. If it was one of those rare amazing dateswhere you really feel the connection... I would love for him to call me that night and say he felt the same way. If it was just a so-so date, then he should probably wait a few days.


Clear as mud, right?
Let me ask you this, though: If you do really like a guy, would it matter if he called you two or three days later? Sure, it'd be nice if he called you right away, but if you really liked him, you'd still go out with him if he called you on Tuesday after a Saturday date, right?


This is a case, for the guy, of nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'd much rather have a woman wishing that I would call than wishing I'd wait a few days.


Works for the woman, too. The times I've seen friends (or myself) end up in a situation where both parties were really swept off their feet, a couple of days "breathing room" helped the next date go more smoothly. We've had a chance to get over a few of the butterflies and can actually relax and enjoy the next date more. And I won't trip over the curb trying to sneak looks at her.


There's not enough "o"'s in smoooooooth when that happens.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #8  December 18,2008, 3:03pm
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I like a guy to call me the next day, which shows he's interested. But if he wants to see me that same day he calls, that makes me a little nervous. Seems a bit too desperate. So I would say call and have a nice talk, then ask me out for the next weekend.
 
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meg731 is offline meg731 Post #9  December 18,2008, 3:25pm
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Glider_Pilot,385030 wrote :

meg731,384940 wrote :


... There is, however, an exception to this. If I really, really like a guy. If it was one of those rare amazing dateswhere you really feel the connection... I would love for him to call me that night and say he felt the same way. If it was just a so-so date, then he should probably wait a few days.


Clear as mud, right?


Let me ask you this, though: If you do really like a guy, would it matter if he called you two or three days later? Sure, it'd be nice if he called you right away, but if you really liked him, you'd still go out with him if he called you on Tuesday after a Saturday date, right?


This is a case, for the guy, of nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'd much rather have a woman wishing that I would call than wishing I'd wait a few days.


Works for the woman, too. The times I've seen friends (or myself) end up in a situation where both parties were really swept off their feet, a couple of days "breathing room" helped the next date go more smoothly. We've had a chance to get over a few of the butterflies and can actually relax and enjoy the next date more. And I won't trip over the curb trying to sneak looks at her.


There's not enough "o"'s in smoooooooth when that happens.
Yes, if I really liked him I wouldn't mind if he called Tuesday instead of five minutes after the date. I mean, I really like him so I'm pretty much sitting by the phone. Not literally obviously, but I'm sure hoping that when my phone rings it's him. It might be pathetic to admit that, butI'm not the only one I'm sure.


I've never heard of this "breathing room" theory of yours. I mean I never call or email or text or anything after a date so I'm sure I've been in a situation where we had breathing room...and come to think of it I was less nervous. Interesting.


Still, if a guy tripped over a curb trying to sneak looks at me...that's just too endearing!
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #10  December 18,2008, 3:44pm
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It's not complicated, it's simple. Wait a few days and then call. There's no reason to rush things with someone new and for many women, a guy who calls the next day does look desperate.


And for the ones who like it if you call the next day, they will still be interested if you wait 3 days to call. For the few who won't, then they look desperate don't they. And you don't want to date a woman who's desperate, trust me.
 
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