Dating/Relationships at work: Where do you draw the line?


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pinkbear is offline pinkbear Post #1  March 18,2008, 11:58am
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Do relationships with people at work- work? When dealing with members of the opposite sex, there is bound to be friendships, flirting, and maybe even the possibility of something more- but what happens if it's a co-worker? Do you take the leap and risk the consequences or avoid the situation all together? Where do you draw the line between aquaintance, friend, or something more?
 
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NiqueGirl is offline NiqueGirl Post #2  March 20,2008, 10:06am
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Great question - we spend more time at work than any other place you would think it's a meatmarket. First, I myself don't mix dating with work. Irun the communications/marketing department for a majorpolicital organization and don't ever want to project an image of anything less than professionalism, especially to my bosses (funnily enough, though, it's gotten back to me that some of my co-workers have spread rumors about me being on the prowl.I deal with many incredibly successful men throughout my day but have never been anything less than professional. I guess when you're relatively young, single and in a high-profile positionpeople will talk even though your actions are contrary to the rumours they're starting).

However, if I became good friends with a co-worker or anyone I met through work and over time it because obvious we would be good for each other, I think I would take a chance on it. I guess what I'm saying is I wouldn't date frivilously and risk getting a reputation but if strong feelings crop up that both parties acknowledge and you think it could turn into more, then why not? But you should remain professional and keep the relationship under wraps from other employees. Again, you don't want to get a reputation and risk your boss being unhappy.
 
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Blue_Eyes827 is offline Blue_Eyes827 Post #3  August 14,2008, 7:14am
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While working on a job during college, I made the mistake of datingseveral womenatthe organization where I worked. I did not think in advance about the fact that they knew each other. Problems can arise from them talking if they find out that you have dated both of them. There were no policies against employee dating but at many companies policies do exist. The reason for this is if the couple does not part on the best of terms. We fotunately parted on good terms. Strangely, I heard from one of the women years later. She called me and said, "You know, I really should have married you." Even though I never asked her to marry me.


After college, your options of meeting people are limited. This may force you to date someone from your place of work. Unfortunately, there are no choices where I work currently.
 
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Digital is offline Digital Post #4  August 14,2008, 7:53am

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pinkbear, wrote :

but what happens if it's a co-worker?
Easy. You stay the hell away.


Flirt maybe. But unless you are planning on changing jobs in a few weeks when it doesn't work out, it's generally a terrible idea.
 
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Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #5  August 14,2008, 8:30am
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Yep, people date people all the time. I even have a married couple I know who met at work. As others have said - you get to know these people in a variety of emotional situations, see them all the time, and then there's the excitement of a big project, which can bleed over onto relations between the people involved and make them feel like there's more attraction and excitement between them - and it's just the adrenaline of the project.


Andit's risky. Never date someone at work that you'll regularly see if you break up. I know that's cynical, but I've seen that, too: a couple of people at a job a few years back hooked up, broke up, and then had to see each other for several hours every day, and watch their ex bring in new dates, etc. It hurt them both pretty badly, and one actually moved jobs.


And never, ever, EVER date a direct report, either above you or below you.Especially below you. The risk now grows beyond emotional pain to the two of you to legal troubles for you and the company, if things go wrong. What chances do you think you'll have in your career if the company has to deal with a lawsuit because of your dalliance?
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #6  August 14,2008, 8:49am
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I have crossed this line twice. One ended badly and the other ended quite well. The one that ended not well I attribute to my youthfulness and what I soon learned was a female friend of his that while I didn't work with but sat in the same location as...apparently she had feelings for him. Anyhow, it was just lame and I was young and dumb.


The other was a wonderful guy who I worked on a long project with. We were in different departments. That ended well, didn't date long due to adealbreaker (wanting kids) but we remain friends to this date.


Additionally, there's been several marriages from my office as I work for a large Fortune company and there's no written policy against coworkers dating.


For me, after these two experiences I just personally have no desire to blend my work and dating worlds again.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #7  August 14,2008, 8:53am
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If you decide to date a coworker, you have to do it carefully because there are risks involved. Even assuming you take pains to hide the relationship, eventually someone learns of it at work and then the news spreads like wildfire. Things about you that are personal can easily become the hot topic of the week as a result. And if the breakdown is bad, then the backlash can really cause big problems.


Date someone who you don't work with regularly, another department or even another division if possible. Don't date a coworker in a small company, because it can interfere too much in your job. Don't date more than one person at work at a time, and don't stop dating one co-worker only to date another.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #8  August 14,2008, 8:53am
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Just don't do it.I look at it this way...dating is optional. Working isn't.


Even with friendships that develop at work, it's important to remember that the primary relationship is work-related. I've had "friends" from work take advantage at work because we did things together socially. I've also had work "friends" completely overshare about their personal lives, which is intrusive and sometimes awkward (i.e. the woman who asked me if her implants looked natural, complete with an unsolicited shirt-lift).


But dating at work just holds the potential for all kinds of badness.
 
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brownize916 is offline brownize916 Post #9  August 14,2008, 9:05am
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When I met and started dating my exhusband we did not work together but not long after we became coworkers, and worked together at the same company for almost the entire 15 years we were together (through dating, marriage and divorce). It takes discipline and boundaries and while we made it work,it took a lot of effort and planning.Work was work, home was home. I do get along with my exhusband very well and he recently applied for a job at the company I currently work for. I have no problem with this. We work in the same industry so it happens. Being that our careers our important to us and we love what we do, that is our focus in the workplace.


That being said, I think realistically we may have been a fluke. I have never seen this type of thing work for others. I would not date any coworkers of mine now, because of the risks involved should it all go bad.I also work in a small office, and if I wanted to keep it quiet I think that would be hard. If it didn't work out, that would not be a good thing. Also given the position that I am in, dating someone at work would most likely mean dating someone who works for me. This is never a good idea at all. My advice would be to stay away no matter how tempting it is. Its not worth your job or the trouble it could potentially cause.
 
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lada is offline lada Post #10  August 14,2008, 9:08am

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funny you should bring this up. I was matched by eharm with the personnel director where I work. I'm an independent contractor, so he didn't hire or fire me, and there would have been no conflict. But I closed him out instantly. Even though he was the ONLY person i have EVER been matched with that was nearby.
 
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