How far in advance should you ask somebody out for a first date?


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wine_girl is offline wine_girl Post #1  December 13,2008, 5:28pm
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I have my own idea of how much advancenotice a person should ask another person out, but what is yours, especially a first date?


If a guy asks me out for the same day or evening, I am actually annoyed. This signals to me that he thinks I should just drop everything and meet him, or that I have nothing better to do. What are your thoughts?
 
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PY is offline PY Post #2  December 13,2008, 5:41pm

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Great name btw...wine_girl...


I'd never ask for same day date. I normally ask when she's available. If I asked early enough during the week, normally I hope to see her maybe towards the end of the week or a weekend brunch/lunch/drinks or something.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #3  December 13,2008, 5:46pm
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For a first date, he should ask when you might be available as opposed to selecting a night himself.


I don't see any rules regarding notice for dates thereafter. You can easily say that you are not available & tell him when you might be. This is totally dependent on the 2 people involved.


I don't ask for a specific dayin the beginning----I suppose I might if a concert or show came up & I thought that she would like it. After the first date, I will usually have some idea of how available she will be & how frequently we are likely to meet.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  December 13,2008, 5:49pm
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Okay, how’s this scenario: I get an eH match on Thursday, kick off the questions. Friday morning I check: she answered, so I send the next stage. Friday evening is the first “open communication,” wherein we exchange phone numbers. Saturday morning she calls. I guarantee I ask her out right then, and for that day. Did it, and will always do it. Keep the momentum going.
Best one I got: woman and I are e-mailing. I’m in my office, after lunch; she just answered an e-mail from her office, which had her workplace address. I send back to her pointing out that I know her company – and it’s one block away. Couple of minutes later she calls, and suggests lunch!
Spontaneity works for me.
If we get to the process during the week, I usually ask for Friday evening or the weekend, to have more time together.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  December 13,2008, 5:56pm
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And, if I get from a woman that she is “too busy,” or “too important” to devote time to finding and developing her relationship … NEXT!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #6  December 13,2008, 6:10pm
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I must say that I am not into the everyday communications right away. I don't think that kind of momentum is a good thing.


Eventually, I do like to see a date 3-4 times per week but that takes at least 2 or 3 months before we are there.


D-lion I do think that you may be blowing off some good women by being so hasty.
 
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meg731 is offline meg731 Post #7  December 13,2008, 6:17pm
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D_Lion,379181 wrote :
And, if I get from a woman that she is “too busy,” or “too important” to devote time to finding and developing her relationship … NEXT!
Ok, I agree with being spontaneous and everything - great if it works out. But, this comment I don't agree with. If a man, match or otherwise, calls me Thursday or Friday for a date that weekend 98% of the time I already have plans. It has nothing to do with being unwilling to devote time to finding and developing a relationship because already having other dates would imply that that is exactly what I'm trying to do. So, does the man just pass over me then because I've told him that I have other plans?


To the OP: Unless it's an initial meeting for just coffee or drinks or something, or lunch during the week, I need some advance notice - Wednesday morning of that week at the very latest. But, that's just me


 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  December 13,2008, 6:20pm
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I am quite flexible with my time and will try to accomodate my matches schedule.


I have never asked a match out for the same day on a first date. I have asked "I know this is very short notice but if you are free for dinner tomorrow I would be interested in meeting." and had this accepted.


Generally I will try to schedule a first date at least a couple of days ahead of time. I will normally try to schedule any date even if it is the 100th a couple of days ahead though I have asked in the morning for that evening when it was several dates in.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  December 13,2008, 6:24pm
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bigfincat,379195 wrote :

...


D-lion I do think that you may be blowing off some good women by being so hasty.
When you are Casanova you can have this attitude.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  December 13,2008, 6:28pm
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meg731,379201 wrote :

D_Lion,379181 wrote :
And, if I get from a woman that she is “too busy,” or “too important” to devote time to finding and developing her relationship … NEXT!


Ok, I agree with being spontaneous and everything - great if it works out. But, this comment I don't agree with. If a man, match or otherwise, calls me Thursday or Friday for a date that weekend 98% of the time I already have plans. It has nothing to do with being unwilling to devote time to finding and developing a relationship because already having other dates would imply that that is exactly what I'm trying to do. So, does the man just pass over me then because I've told him that I have other plans?


To the OP: Unless it's an initial meeting for just coffee or drinks or something, or lunch during the week, I need some advance notice - Wednesday morning of that week at the very latest. But, that's just me

I have a different reason and I will give you more notice than D_Lion but it you are that busy with other dates I am going to have to say NEXT also. I just wouldn't have anything to offer over the competition.
 
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