Would you consider this insensitive?


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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #1  December 12,2008, 9:20am
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For any of you that have been paying attention you know that I am short at 5'4". I would like to get your thought and comments on this scenario from both the guys and girls.


My height is on my profile so my matches/dates know how tall I am if they have bothered to read my profile. Most of my matches/dates are my height or taller. So we go on a date (first date) and she shows up in heels. Was she just not thinking? Did she just not care or even think that her being several inches taller than me would not matter? What else was she thinking?


Example one, we are meeting at a restaurant at an open shopping district. I suggest she wear comfortable shoes so after dinner we can walk around the area, She shows up in high heels and says they are not comfortable.


Example two, met on site where height is not displayed, she asks how tall I am so she can select how high a heel to wear. I tell her no heels are required as we are both the same height. She shows up wearing high heels.


Or am I just too sensitive about wanting to be able to look my date in the eye when standing?
 
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Manderava is offline Manderava Post #2  December 12,2008, 9:33am
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Well, the 2 scenarios you mentioned are just silly on the part of those women.



However, if a woman does normally wear high heels, then she may as well wear them on the date. If you start dating, is she supposed to stop wearing them? Does it make you uncomfortable? If it makes you uncomfortable that she's taller than you in the heels, you'd better only look for woman who are 5'3 or shorter because most women do like to wear heels.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #3  December 12,2008, 9:34am
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Height must not have mattered too much, or she wouldn't have shown up in the first place.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #4  December 12,2008, 9:38am
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Scenario #1: Translation: she probably doesn't want to walk around on the first date, AND height differences are NOT an issue for her. I wouldn't consider this to be insensitive, but rather that her thinking about height is 'evolved.' That's a good thing!


Scenario #2: Translation: she probably doesn't own flats (non-heeled shoes). I don't. Despite your perception that she was wearing 'high' heels, is it possible that her shoes had a heel of 2-1/2 inches or less? That is considered a 'low heel' to a lot of women (and shoe websites, as well). Also, she appears not to have an issue with relative heights, so she's not worried about yours.


I sympathize with you regarding this issue, and realize it must be really difficult. But, it also sounds like your sensitivity about wanted to look your date in the eye is your issue. My suggestion would be to meet only women 5'2" or less. I don't think either of your dates were being insensitive. Just my $0.02.
 
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rarangure is offline rarangure Post #5  December 12,2008, 9:40am
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In my opinion....


whilesome may seeminconsiderate for them to wear heels knowing upfront how tall you are, maybe they just like wearing heels, maybe they feel it went better with their outfit, or makes a better impression. Did these women act suprised when they saw you? Or did they seem to take it in stride and not be bothered by it. It could very well be that they were aware of your height, but maybe it didn't matter to them, so they wore what they felt good in. If it bothers you, you might need to be a little more assertive in letting them know.


I have seen some very tall women with some very short men, and neither one have a problem with it at all.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #6  December 12,2008, 9:45am
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rarangure,377719 wrote :

In my opinion....


while some may seem inconsiderate for them to wear heels knowing upfront how tall you are, maybe they just like wearing heels, maybe they feel it went better with their outfit, or makes a better impression. Did these women act suprised when they saw you? Or did they seem to take it in stride and not be bothered by it. It could very well be that they were aware of your height, but maybe it didn't matter to them, so they wore what they felt good in. If it bothers you, you might need to be a little more assertive in letting them know.


I have seen some very tall women with some very short men, and neither one have a problem with it at all.
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Squire is offline Squire Post #7  December 12,2008, 9:59am
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Gr8Guyn2008, wrote :

For any of you that have been paying attention you know that I am short at 5'4". I would like to get your thought and comments on this scenario from both the guys and girls.


My height is on my profile so my matches/dates know how tall I am if they have bothered to read my profile. Most of my matches/dates are my height or taller. So we go on a date (first date) and she shows up in heels. Was she just not thinking? Did she just not care or even think that her being several inches taller than me would not matter? What else was she thinking?


Example one, we are meeting at a restaurant at an open shopping district. I suggest she wear comfortable shoes so after dinner we can walk around the area, She shows up in high heels and says they are not comfortable.


Example two, met on site where height is not displayed, she asks how tall I am so she can select how high a heel to wear. I tell her no heels are required as we are both the same height. She shows up wearing high heels.


Or am I just too sensitive about wanting to be able to look my date in the eye when standing?
Hey Gr8,


I think you've done an admirable job of trying to convey "wear flats!" to your dates (short of asking them on a breast cancer 10K).


They might not be taking the hint, listening well, or they simply might not care. For many it's such an ingrained habit they don't even think about it.


You aren't alone, either. I'm 6'3 and dated a 6'2 woman who showed up to both of our dates wearing heels (which made her 6'6). She knew I was 6'3", so what gives? To add insult to injury, she stopped dating me for not being tall enough!


So to answer your question, I don't think it's out of line to feel frustrated about it. Nobody likes to feel as if their requests are being ignored ot that they're not being heard.


Fortunately, you only have to get it right once. Just keep plugging away until you find that one!
 
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godlessinseattle is offline godlessinseattle Post #8  December 12,2008, 10:01am
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I don't tell guys what to wear when the date me and I don't expect them to tell me what to wear, either.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  December 12,2008, 10:06am
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Manderava,377710 wrote :

...


you'd better only look for woman who are 5'3 or shorter because most women do like to wear heels.
I would love to but if I make that a limit then I will have no dates at all.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #10  December 12,2008, 10:16am
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I agree with those saying that it wasn't insensitive of them. If you had specifically said that you are uncomfortable walking with a woman who is even an inch taller than you, so please wear shoes with no heel at all, then it would have been insensitive for them to show up in heels (if they hadn't cancelled the date by then!). But, they didn't know how sensitive you are about these matters. Rather, it sounds like they probably wanted to look nice for their date with you, and to them that meant wearing nice shoes with their outfit (which, for women, almost always have some sort of heel).


Personally, if someone is a couple of inches taller than me it still feels like I'm looking them in the eye when we're talking. It takes more of a height difference than that for me to really "feel" shorter. In any event, no matter what size heel they wear, it doesn't change how tall either of you actually are.
 
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