Breezy26 is offline Breezy26 Post #1  December 7,2008, 10:46pm
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One of my recent matches (a guy) asked me 'how often do I lose my temper?' as one of the first round questions. I've never been asked that question before but have considered asking it of others. I always try to reason why a match would ask a particular question. We know that each person is trying to weed out who they're interested in and who they think they would be compatible with.


So, my thoughts on it are that 1/ perhaps his past relationships were angry women and he wants a match who's stable, 2/ he's the angry type and he doesn't want an angry woman because two angry people can never be good together, or 3/ he wants an angry woman because then after the fighting, there'll be lots of making up. LOL.


I know I don't want a man who is the angry, explosive type. Seen the type and don't want any part of it. It's one of my Can't Stands. If you can't control your anger, you're not emotionally stable. If you're not emotionally stable, buh-bye!
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  December 7,2008, 10:54pm
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My ex-wife had a bad temper. If I sense from a woman's profile that she is feisty, I'll usually ask that question during GC. Of course, this backfires -- some women jump to the conclusion that I am already damaged goods and have not recovered from my ex's anger issues. I don't ask that question any more. I'll find out if she has a temper when I find out.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #3  December 7,2008, 10:55pm
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Funny your comment appeared just about two seconds after I changed my "mood" below my avatar!!





I must be psychic.
 
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KRA_Z_1 is offline KRA_Z_1 Post #4  December 7,2008, 10:59pm
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I can't say why this guy would have asked you this question, but I can honestly say that I have asked it myself of one or two of my matches for a couple of reasons. First of all, I believe that someone that loses their temper a lot probably either doesn't handle stressful situations very well or they have so much stress in their life right now that they explode at everything. Either way, that's not really something that I would want to bring into my life. Another reason I ask this question on occasion is I kind of doubt that someone that loses their temper often shares the same outlook on life as I do. Someone with a bad temper is usually someone embittered by the world and unwilling to laugh at the little obstacles in life. However, I do wonder if an angry person would be honest in answering that question. Oh well, I guess that's what open communication is for. I hope that may have shed a little light on the subject...
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #5  December 7,2008, 11:00pm
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tbesq,372401 wrote :

My ex-wife had a bad temper. If I sense from a woman's profile that she is feisty, I'll usually ask that question during GC. Of course, this backfires -- some women jump to the conclusion that I am already damaged goods and have not recovered from my ex's anger issues. I don't ask that question any more. I'll find out if she has a temper when I find out.

Would you like to be intrduced to my ex wife? She is from South America. She will introduce you to their custom of using Kitchen Cutlery in Peruvian courtship rituals.








I will buy you a pair of Adidas and some runner's starting blocks, you will need them.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  December 7,2008, 11:12pm
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6dle899,372407 wrote :

tbesq,372401 wrote :


My ex-wife had a bad temper. If I sense from a woman's profile that she is feisty, I'll usually ask that question during GC. Of course, this backfires -- some women jump to the conclusion that I am already damaged goods and have not recovered from my ex's anger issues. I don't ask that question any more. I'll find out if she has a temper when I find out.





Would you like to be intrduced to my ex wife? She is from South America. She will introduce you to their custom of using Kitchen Cutlery in Peruvian courtship rituals.








I will buy you a pair of Adidas and some runner's starting blocks, you will need them.
LOL. What's even scarier than the temper flare-ups was the fact that she'd forget about them - and not in the figurative sense, I'm talking about amnesia. So if I brought up some of these episodes in later discussions (or before her next outburst), she'd sincerely forgotten about it, and thought I was making it up. That's when I knew it was going to happen over and over again.
 
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BSLS is offline BSLS Post #7  December 8,2008, 12:06am
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I am an abuse survivor, and I have permanant, lasting damagefrom it. As a result of living through such an extreme situation, I'm a bit more sensitive than most about expressions/displays of anger, and I'm scared to death about getting involved with someone and then finding out he's volatile.


I always ask the anger question as one of my first round questions.
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #8  December 8,2008, 12:30am
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it's one thing to need to vent after a bad day at work...


It is completely another thing to have raging outbursts of anger...


it's only human, to be annoyed with your SO sometimes


I prefer communication and discussion to accusations and arguments any day...


let's talk about them in a calm respectful manner.
 
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Aussie_Devilette is offline Aussie_Devilette Post #9  December 8,2008, 12:45am
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A very interesting post, Breezy, because a contact from another site has asked me i I have a temper and I thought it was an extremely odd question. Although I'd never ask the question, like you, one of my Can't Stands is someone who cannot manage their anger. It is just too much drama and stress to live with someone like that.


My sympathies to Tbesq and 6dle899. Which is interesting, because the way my contact tells it (I did ask WHY he was asking the question)his ex was violent. While I know this is more common than generally acknowledged by society,is it not the most usual domestic situation. I was a little wary of believing him - after all, I wondered was he really the one with an anger management problem, she stood up for herself and he now considers her violent?


I still haven't made up my mind - he seems like a nice man, but his questions about temper and nagging bother me.
 
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cinco is offline cinco Post #10  December 8,2008, 2:48am
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The anger question is one I get not infrequently on EH.


I'm 54 yrs old so my matches are in their 40's-50's. I'm never suprised, since statistically it is very common for married men to display anger and it's sub-categories (irritation/annoyance/sarcasm) as their primary negative emotion. My take is that these women DON'T want to be involved with that again and ask to see what I'll say.





Anyway Breezy I wouldn't read too much into it, it likely means that the match has had a bad experience with someone else's anger issues.





The biggest problem I have with anger is that it means the angry person (usually) isn't being very self-reflective about whatever is going on, and is in effect pushing me away by directing this negative "force" at me (or others).





C.
 
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