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lucky173 lucky173 is offline
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KRA_Z_1 wrote :

I can't say why this guy would have asked you this question, but I can honestly say that I have asked it myself of one or two of my matches for a couple of reasons. First of all, I believe that someone that loses their temper a lot probably either doesn't handle stressful situations very well or they have so much stress in their life right now that they explode at everything. Either way, that's not really something that I would want to bring into my life. Another reason I ask this question on occasion is I kind of doubt that someone that loses their temper often shares the same outlook on life as I do. Someone with a bad temper is usually someone embittered by the world and unwilling to laugh at the little obstacles in life. However, I do wonder if an angry person would be honest in answering that question. Oh well, I guess that's what open communication is for. I hope that may have shed a little light on the subject...

I agree with you on this. I’ll ask the question occasionally if there is something in their profile that seems to come across negative, or otherwise gives some kind of indication that they’re bitter or resentful, or even if comments seem to show some level of insecurity, but it’s not black and white clear if they are or aren’t. Sometimes I’ll ask the question in response to the ones they’ve chosen to ask me – again, if something gives a specific or vague indication.

I doubt most angry people would answer the question honestly. Because more often than not, from what I've seen, those that are angry don’t consider themselves as such.

Tbesq – my exbf was much like you describe your exwife. He’d have no recollection of things he said or did during one of his outbursts. Then of course, when it was pointed out to him by someone, they were making it up, looking for problems, insane, trying to trick him…. Whatever. It got old with me really quickly.

In the time since I’ve broken up with him, I’ve come to realize his anger stemmed from really low self-confidence, self-esteem, his insecurities and his frustrations with not being able to control everything around him. That’s why if I come across someone with low self-esteem, has a lot of insecurities, etc I tend to think the anger is hanging around somewhere as well.

- December 8th, 2008, 05:02 am
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Dafearon Dafearon is offline
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This question leaves a lot to be desired. A temper automatically assumes the person is abusive which is so not the case.


Here's a good example. I had a match who asked me how often i lost my temper, and i've very laid back, so my answer was pretty much never (don't remember if this was a canned response, or an open ended question).


We went out a couple times and she called me on that question and didn't believe me that I never lost my temper. She said to me that it was very wierd for her for someone to never lose their temper because in her opinion, something is always brewing and if you don't release it once in a while, its extremely unnerving. I told her that its not brewing for me because I really don't keep it in. It just goes through me and never gets pent up. In her opinion, everyone has a temper and they have to lose it once in a while just to stay balanced. Someone who has a lot more stress in their life is likely to lose it more often than soemone who does not. Thats an opinion, and a very valid one in my eyes.


I believe that if you have a temper, that doesn't mean you don't have control. Someone can have a terrible temper, but be totally fine without being abusive. Just because someone loses their temper doesn't mean they lose control. I think only a small percentage of the "temper" people actually cross the line of being abusive. To say someone has a temper is to automatically say someone is abusive, is unfair.
- December 8th, 2008, 08:19 am
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Aussie_Devilette wrote :

A very interesting post, Breezy, because a contact from another site has asked me i I have a temper and I thought it was an extremely odd question. Although I'd never ask the question, like you, one of my Can't Stands is someone who cannot manage their anger. It is just too much drama and stress to live with someone like that.


My sympathies to Tbesq and 6dle899. Which is interesting, because the way my contact tells it (I did ask WHY he was asking the question)his ex was violent. While I know this is more common than generally acknowledged by society,is it not the most usual domestic situation. I was a little wary of believing him - after all, I wondered was he really the one with an anger management problem, she stood up for herself and he now considers her violent?


I still haven't made up my mind - he seems like a nice man, but his questions about temper and nagging bother me.
Aussie, you'd be surprised at home much abuse men deal with in relationships. I think most of it is just verbal, but either way we are sometimes put in precarious situations because any efforts we make to quash these violent outbursts will be subject to greater scrutiny.


I am a very, very even-tempered person; it takes a lot to get my engine running. My ex got my engine running w/o trying very hard. If I hadn't treated her well I could understand her issues. But I treated her well. Her father told me that she had control issues, and had mostly dated men who allowed her, because of her beauty, to walk all over them. Me, of course, being the military veteran and considerably older, wasn't having that (not that I tried to make her submissive, I just didn't allow her to control everything I did). I think this is what triggered th outbursts. I got so that I'd have to leave the house during arguments to avoid a 911-calling situation, which of course is not good.
- December 8th, 2008, 10:13 am
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stillthesame stillthesame is offline
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first, i have to say, that no one needs to deal with a bad temper, period, its one thing to get mad when your by yourself and say some expletives.


when someone you love, dating, married, etc, is constantly hitting the roof, or wants to hit you or anything else for that matter, ther is something seriously wrong,many of those try to hide how they are and sometime do not show their real selves until its in the latter stage of relationships, and fortunate of those who do find out early on that can get out of that situation.when you cant calm someone down after a small argument or disagreement, time to bail, ive been there and done that, one reason why i had left a loser behind.i had met a guy who lived a long distance away from me online, he was really sweet at first, and never noticed a thing, but then after a about 6 months, he was going ballistic and really going crazy over anything.i figured it was his job and he was having a hard time, he told me he was sorry and i asked him to go get some help, well that didnt last too long, he was back to his ways immediately.we had decided previously to stay overnight at a hotel and have some dinner. i had bought him a token of my affection, he had given me a promise ring in the first couple of months of knowing me, with plan on marriage the following year.that night, i couldnt sleep. omg, you would had thought i had ruined his life.i had a heck of time going to sleep, he got out of bed and threatened me.i was beside myself.it was around midnight and the room was already paid for, he left with his things and he forgot his other keys, i took a shower and packed up for the night, i couldnt stay there, it was bothering me so.i cam back to his place and dropped off the keys, he acted like i was the culprit and he was innocent.i told him goodbye, gave back the ring, and other stuff he gave me and drove a long way home.never again to see him.





so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, ladies and guys, if you meet someone like this, do yourself a huge favor, say goodbye right away!ive learned to tell the signs of someone with a bad temper and know so much now.
- December 8th, 2008, 12:49 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Aussie_Devilette wrote :

...


I still haven't made up my mind - he seems like a nice man, but his questions about temper and nagging bother me.
I can't blame you for being bothered.
- December 8th, 2008, 01:14 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Quite a number of my matches ask this question.
- December 8th, 2008, 01:15 pm
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Breezy26 Breezy26 is offline
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KRA_Z_1 wrote :

However, I do wonder if an angry person would be honest in answering that question. Oh well, I guess that's what open communication is for. I hope that may have shed a little light on the subject...
I don't think an angry person would admit to their anger either. They most likely will want to hide it because it would be a big turnoff to anyone. It sure would be for me!
- December 8th, 2008, 03:47 pm
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Breezy26 Breezy26 is offline
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Dafearon wrote :

This question leaves a lot to be desired. A temper automatically assumes the person is abusive which is so not the case.


Here's a good example. I had a match who asked me how often i lost my temper, and i've very laid back, so my answer was pretty much never (don't remember if this was a canned response, or an open ended question).


We went out a couple times and she called me on that question and didn't believe me that I never lost my temper. She said to me that it was very wierd for her for someone to never lose their temper because in her opinion, something is always brewing and if you don't release it once in a while, its extremely unnerving. I told her that its not brewing for me because I really don't keep it in. It just goes through me and never gets pent up. In her opinion, everyone has a temper and they have to lose it once in a while just to stay balanced. Someone who has a lot more stress in their life is likely to lose it more often than soemone who does not. Thats an opinion, and a very valid one in my eyes.


I believe that if you have a temper, that doesn't mean you don't have control. Someone can have a terrible temper, but be totally fine without being abusive. Just because someone loses their temper doesn't mean they lose control. I think only a small percentage of the "temper" people actually cross the line of being abusive. To say someone has a temper is to automatically say someone is abusive, is unfair.
Well, temper means becoming so heated as to have an outburst of anger. It's true that not everyone who has a temper is abusive, if you think of physical abuse. But, it's also verbally abusive. Because someone with a temper usually yells, screams,and they may even go as far as tosay nasty things. That shows lack of control. And is a sure sign of a failing relationship.


Like you, I've never lost my temper with anyone. Occasionally, I get mad at my computer when it's slow like crazy and I want to throw it out the window! LOL. But, I rarely ever get angry. It's just not in my nature. I've always been the cool, calm and collected type and I deal with stress well (i.e. talking about it, stepping out of the situation to clear my head, etc.). I see no point in flying off the handle and going all Raging Rita. Really, what does that accomplish except to stressone out even more!
- December 8th, 2008, 04:08 pm
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