Your Safety on a First Date


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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #31  November 28,2008, 12:56am
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In my mind, a first date and a first meeting are 2 different things.


If I'm going on a first DATE, then we've already met in person, and I've determined that I feel comfortable enough and safe enough with this guy that it's OK and I'm not worried.


For a first meeting, though, I would never do anything BUT meet him somewhere in a public place. There are just too many things that can go wrong. If a woman drives her own car to the meeting she always has a way of removing herself from a bad situation; but if she's at the mercy of the guy driving her around, THAT is scary.


As I've stated numerous times in other threads, I've met a lot of men through online dating . . . and though I've had numerous bad experiences as far as not clicking, or the guy having unreasonable expectations (a kiss after a first meeting?), or being rejected the moment he laid eyes on me (again, unreasonable expectations), I haven't had a DANGEROUS experience. However, I think that's because I've always been cautious, so the chances of that have been minimal. In addition, I'm picky about who I meet, so most of the 'undesirables' got weeded out long before getting to that point.


I'd like to point out, though, that I really believe that most men on a deep level appreciate a woman who loves and respects herself enough to be careful with her safety, and they are going to be more likely to want a relationship with her because she's intelligently protective of herself. How many men are going to want a relationship with a woman who shows no concern for her own safety, and easily and willingly puts herself into situations where really bad things could happen?
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #32  November 28,2008, 4:17am
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I've read the responses, but didn't see this mentioned - if it was, my apologies. One of the many reasons I don't want a date picking me up and knowing where I live (until I know him better)is because I also have children living with me. *IF* the guy turned out to be some kind of weirdo, now not only have I potentially put my safety at risk, but possibly my children's as well.


Is that overly cautious? Perhaps, but I've had a few bad experiences in my time that make me ok with it.


I had one date (2nd date) show up to the place we were meeting drunk. It took me awhile to realize he had been drinking already. I can't help but wonder, if I allowed him to pick me up at my home, would it have been 1/2 way down the highway with him before I realized it?


I've had dates where the guy got drunk. I was glad I had my own car to leave. (And yes, in both instances, I did alert the managers that he shouldn't be allowed to leave and drive himself to wherever)


By far the worst experience was with a guy I had met out twice prior, spoken on the phone with numerous times, knew his company name, work, home and cell ph#s'. I felt comfortable having him pick me up. When he arrived at my home, I was just about ready to go. Just last minute things like letting in the dog, locking up, etc. He asked to use the bathroom while he waited. Without any warning, he had me pinned to the kitchen counter, asking for "a little sumpthin" before we went to dinner. I was very fortunate and was able to struggle my way away from him and out the front door. There was a lot of rage and screaming, yelling and cursing on his part.I was terrified. I went to a neighbors to phone the police. They were able to locate him and question him the following day. Long story a little shorter, his harrassing phone calls didn't stop and I eventually had to get a restraining order against him. I met him through a friend.


I've been accused of being overly cautious in driving myself places. My caution doesn't paralyze me, but it has since kept me safe.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #33  November 28,2008, 6:53am
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Gr8Guyn2008,362290 wrote :

lightning2blue,362211 wrote :


...


Every one in cyberwolrd is not who they say they are, nor is everyone in the real world.


I would say that NO ONE in cyberworld is who they say they are until they prove it.
Yes. Sometimes their picture seems outdated.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #34  November 28,2008, 7:03am
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hogrally,362342 wrote :

m8se69,362288 wrote :


hogrally,362273 wrote :


angelpoet,362239 wrote :


sabete2002,362223 wrote :


Yes, first date/meet, for sure I drive myself and make sure that friends know where I am. While everyone I have met so far has been on the level, as lightning2blue said, not everyone is who they say they are.

absolutely!


have a complete stranger pick me up?


Yeah I drive myself too. To the airport where ...a) he met me in the hotel lounge..b) he met me in the lobby of my hotel and I jumped in his truck and we went to dinner. c) He met me at the airport and we left from there to my hotel dropped off my bags and then went to dinner and d) he poofed....scared lil man!! Four different men...3 great first dates. So I am pretty comfortable letting them take the wheel.


Hoggie, with where you live the only way TO meet a guy is by getting off the plane!


But I must admit, hearing all that does make me worry about you! Please be careful!!! You've had 3 good ones...but you never know if the next one is going to be as nice. Just don't get too comfortable in letting your guard down.


We wouldn't want anything to happen to you!!!!!


m8 your're a great friend...thanks...


I do take percausions....


ie..give the front desk lady my cell # and ask her to call me in 1 hour...


I make a point of finishing my drink before going to the wash room and then once I am back at the table ..order something else


How many of you haveever stayed at a B and B??Like I do...they have to decide if they are letting strangers into their house for the night. How much do you know about each other??


What about your safety while sleeping?? What about the hosts...??? Looking at it from that point of view...dating is as safe as going to church!!!
Thanks, Hogrally,



I was hoping to get this type of comparative perspective from the women’s point of view.
 
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PY is offline PY Post #35  November 28,2008, 7:58am

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hogrally,362396 wrote :

PY,362381 wrote :


Wow Cindy that was crazy!!


Anyhow, standard first date.....email, give cell phone in case you get stuck in the traffic, etc...make plans to meet in specific place, have a nice meal, if you like the convo, continue it at the neighborhood bistro/cafe...briefly/casually mention potential activies for second date and parted ways after that.


Send a 'thank you/nice to have met you' email next day...and tell her wish to see her again sometime and bring up the topic of 2nd date...


So far so good and it has worked for me.





How is that working for you....Oh and you look so happy in your pic!!!! Just kidding.....
So far so good Hogrally.it does get a bit mentally tiring though I must say, having to be on your best behavior all the time.


but still better than sitting at home wathing TV all the time I guess.
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #36  November 28,2008, 11:24am
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PY,362538 wrote :

hogrally,362396 wrote :


PY,362381 wrote :


Wow Cindy that was crazy!!


Anyhow, standard first date.....email, give cell phone in case you get stuck in the traffic, etc...make plans to meet in specific place, have a nice meal, if you like the convo, continue it at the neighborhood bistro/cafe...briefly/casually mention potential activies for second date and parted ways after that.


Send a 'thank you/nice to have met you' email next day...and tell her wish to see her again sometime and bring up the topic of 2nd date...


So far so good and it has worked for me.





How is that working for you....Oh and you look so happy in your pic!!!! Just kidding.....


So far so good Hogrally.it does get a bit mentally tiring though I must say, having to be on your best behavior all the time.


but still better than sitting at home wathing TV all the time I guess.
EXACTLY!!!!! I can only be on my best behaviour for a VERY small amount of time....Then my potty mouth takes over and I tell them exactly what I am thinking....I really hve no control...:-)


Sometimes I miss not having a TV here. On days off i'll go to a sports bar and / or friends houses to get my fix.


have a great weekend
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #37  November 28,2008, 11:28am
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PY,362538 wrote :

hogrally,362396 wrote :


PY,362381 wrote :


Wow Cindy that was crazy!!


Anyhow, standard first date.....email, give cell phone in case you get stuck in the traffic, etc...make plans to meet in specific place, have a nice meal, if you like the convo, continue it at the neighborhood bistro/cafe...briefly/casually mention potential activies for second date and parted ways after that.


Send a 'thank you/nice to have met you' email next day...and tell her wish to see her again sometime and bring up the topic of 2nd date...


So far so good and it has worked for me.





How is that working for you....Oh and you look so happy in your pic!!!! Just kidding.....


So far so good Hogrally.it does get a bit mentally tiring though I must say, having to be on your best behavior all the time.


but still better than sitting at home wathing TV all the time I guess.
EXACTLY!!!!! I can only be on my best behaviour for a VERY small amount of time....Then my potty mouth takes over and I tell them exactly what I am thinking....I really hve no control...:-)


Sometimes I miss not having a TV here. On days off i'll go to a sports bar and / or friends houses to get my fix.


have a great weekend
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #38  November 28,2008, 11:34am
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hogrally,362668 wrote :

PY,362538 wrote :


hogrally,362396 wrote :


PY,362381 wrote :


Wow Cindy that was crazy!!


Anyhow, standard first date.....email, give cell phone in case you get stuck in the traffic, etc...make plans to meet in specific place, have a nice meal, if you like the convo, continue it at the neighborhood bistro/cafe...briefly/casually mention potential activies for second date and parted ways after that.


Send a 'thank you/nice to have met you' email next day...and tell her wish to see her again sometime and bring up the topic of 2nd date...


So far so good and it has worked for me.





How is that working for you....Oh and you look so happy in your pic!!!! Just kidding.....


So far so good Hogrally.it does get a bit mentally tiring though I must say, having to be on your best behavior all the time.


but still better than sitting at home wathing TV all the time I guess.


EXACTLY!!!!! I can only be on my best behaviour for a VERY small amount of time....Then my potty mouth takes over and I tell them exactly what I am thinking....I really hve no control...:-)


Sometimes I miss not having a TV here. On days off i'll go to a sports bar and / or friends houses to get my fix.


have a great weekend
hey hogrally,


you should watch TV shows on-line as most networks have many episodes avaiable to view on your full screen. You may need some updates on your computer & specific downloads...but it is free.
 
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pinz is offline pinz Post #39  November 28,2008, 11:39am
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... hmmm, what are women afraid of?


Primarily of being overpowered physically and raped.


It happens. And ALL women KNOW it happens.


Having a means of 'escape', be it a car or a public venue, is essential when on a 'first date' with a 'virtual' stranger.


End of.
 
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