I am 40 and I live at home with my mom, would you date me?


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dylanmackay is offline dylanmackay Post #1  November 25,2008, 9:54pm
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Hy everyone,


I live in a major metro area with my mom. It's very expensive to move out on my own. I am a really nice guy, butI am finding it very difficult to maintaina relationship once they figure out that I live eith my mom. So, would you have any apprehension to dating a guy who lives at home with his mom?
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  November 25,2008, 10:03pm
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dylanmackay, wrote :

Hy everyone,


I live in a major metro area with my mom. It's very expensive to move out on my own. I am a really nice guy, butI am finding it very difficult to maintaina relationship once they figure out that I live eith my mom. So, would you have any apprehension to dating a guy who lives at home with his mom?
That's not on my list of criteria for automatic elimination. But you haven't given us any other info that relates to some of the common stuff that is like:do you have a job? how tall are you? what's your education level? smoker or non? It would also depend on how I would get along with your mom if a relationship started. I have a great ex-mother-in-law, but my sister's mother-in-law is afreaky religious nutjob (no offense meant to ye of faith here)and that could be a deal-breaker if you are living with a mother like that.
 
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Lostintranslation is offline Lostintranslation Post #3  November 25,2008, 10:09pm
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Currently, I live with my mother. I am in nursing school for the next 2 years and it's simply more economical. If that makes me undatable then so be it. I don't see it as a bar to my having relationships or relations for that matter. My mother happens to be well balanced, fully aware of who i am as I am of her. The blinders are off, we have our own personal space. I am grateful for her and to her - living with her really makes it much easier to go through school and not come out the other end with massive, unmanageable debt.
 
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azartist is offline azartist Post #4  November 25,2008, 10:23pm
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dylanmackay, wrote :

Hy everyone,


I live in a major metro area with my mom. It's very expensive to move out on my own. I am a really nice guy, butI am finding it very difficult to maintaina relationship once they figure out that I live eith my mom. So, would you have any apprehension to dating a guy who lives at home with his mom?
I have a wonderful friend who is 57 yrs. He lives with his Mom for the same financial reasons you do. They have a big house with lots of room. The dynamics of mother and son are what have kept me from becoming more with my best friend. If we have a heated discussion, say politics his mom shushes me and says "you have to be quiet for -----. He always serves his mom first at the table. He always phones in every couple hours when we are out together. He always asks mom's permission before anything. I understand his respect for her. For me it would be suicide to try and have a relationship with this otherwise wonderful man. I have more in common with this man than any other in my entire life. I would say he was my soulmate, if it were possible to have an intimate relationship with him. I always feel I would be sleeping etc.....with him and mom!! It would be a good idea for you to examine your relationship dynamics surrounding you and mom. You might be giving signals that you don't see but are obvious to others. Besides all of this any woman in her right mind would never try or wantto be the other woman.
 
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Nicomacheus is offline Nicomacheus Post #5  November 25,2008, 10:27pm
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With almost all due respect to dylanmackay, that was one mighty odd and ambiguous post, which is great if that was your intent. But I don't think it was. (Have I been fooled?) I've lived with me mom on and off for several years. Fortunately I've been able to learn much from her (probably because I love learning, even for the sake of learning). I've learned, for example, that I would never be the slightest bit interested in any woman who was like me mom. But I digress.


What you wrote seemingly depends on a rather wide variety of factors, some of which were expressed (in the form of questions) by MelinCali. For example, if your mom is anything like Carrie's mom (I'm thinking here of the original movie starring Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie), well, that's not a good sign. Other than that, I believe it a good thing, however, that you describe yourself as a "really nice guy," because describing yourself as a "really mean and/or nasty guy" may not be to your advantage with regard to things like dating. But what the heck do I know?


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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #6  November 25,2008, 10:37pm
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dylanmackay, wrote :

Hy everyone,


I live in a major metro area with my mom. It's very expensive to move out on my own. I am a really nice guy, butI am finding it very difficult to maintaina relationship once they figure out that I live eith my mom. So, would you have any apprehension to dating a guy who lives at home with his mom?
Well, at first, it might seem a bit weird for a 40 year old to be living with his mom. I mean, you gotta admit it raises some red flags about being independent enough and financially stable enough to be on your own but there are exceptions to the rule.


I'm friends with a guy who lives with his mom and it's a great symbiotic relationship. They both share the rent/food/utilities/ etc., just like roommates and she's just this amazingly active woman who travels all over the world and just got an 80 year old boyfriend, which I think is absolutely adorable. I love her and she's never gotten in the way of my friend dating and he dates quite a bit, but has never been married or lived with awoman, but that's not his mom's fault. He's painfully shy and comes off more like a brother to women and I think that's his issue and not his mom's. So, he's got his own issues but as far as living with mom, it's never stopped him from having dates.


If you're relaxed about it and your mom is cool with it, then it shouldn't really be an issue, except when you find someone you enjoy having spend the night or you get serious with someone and have to decide where else to live, cause two women in the same house? Not a good idea. Mom is definitely the Alpha Female because she has tenure and it would cause an undo amount of issues around that. So women may be looking at that as a possible problem and it might be keeping them from getting more involved with you because of concerns about the future.


So, you've kinda got your work cut out for you in terms of working this kind of stuff out, but it's doable if you can be more lighthearted about it and be able to explain why it works well for you and that if you meet the right person, you don't plan on staying there.
 
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Aussie_Devilette is offline Aussie_Devilette Post #7  November 26,2008, 3:07am
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I'm thinking, thinking, thinking........... I honestly do not know - I've looked after myself since I was 15, so I have no concept of what it is like to even have parents past that age.


Like other posters have stated, you don't give much inormation. There are a lot of ununswered questions.


Of and by itself, no, I don't think it would stop me dating someone - but I SURE would have some questions about the person's maturity.


Can you cook? Use the washing machine? Iron? Or is everything still done for you by your mother?
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #8  November 26,2008, 4:20am
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Any apprehension I might have to becoming involved with a guy who lives with his mom would have more to do with *why* he lives with her. All the little details and ins and outs of the situation, rather than the situation itself. I'd have some questions about it, that hopefully would be answered without my having to put him through an inquisition.


There are many valid reasons why someone would live with a parent, and then there are some reasons that, for me personally, are just .... odd.


I once dated a guy that because of a relatively recent divorce and the financial implications of that, he temporarily moved back to his parents home.


I have a cousin who still lives with his mom (my aunt) because he's a player and a moocher and a con-man. He's never moved out because he's the type that takes advantage because he can. And because she lets him.


My brother lived with my Grandmother until he was in his mid-30's, in order to help care for her, help her around her house, help her financially.


Everyone's situation and reasons are different. It's the reasons that would make the difference for me, not the situation itself.
 
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gsugrad is offline gsugrad Post #9  November 26,2008, 4:24am
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I think it depends on your reasons for doing that. Most people in graduate school, choose to move back home to save money since tuition and books are pretty expensive. If the reason is financial, does this mean that you have no job or income?


Also, it might be a cultural reason, as some cultures have the children live home with their parents until they get married themselves. That would be fine and perfectly acceptable.


I am finishing grad school and think I may end up having to move back home so that I can save money as I start paying off my student loans. But, I might actually get a place and have mom live with me. I don't see a problem, since I love my mamma. If that makes a guy run away, so be it. In the end mom will have to live with one of her children, or alternate seasons anyway. So mom is a big part of my future life. If a man can't handle that, I don't want to talk to him.
 
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trinharder is offline trinharder Post #10  November 26,2008, 5:44am
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I also think it is relative and I'm also a grad student. I have moved back in with my 78 year old mom for three reasons. Finances. I do have a part-time job but grad school takes up a lot of time and money. Her health. If I wasn't here she would (according to her) have to sell the house and move into a nursing home. Inheritance. The house will be mine after she passes so I'm working on keeping the 3 acre property up because she can't. It's a pain, but somewhat symbiotic. I pay my own expenses for things like food and clothing, but live rent free. Would I recommend it to others? I doubt it. Would I leave her to fend for herself? No way. Does it keep me from being dateable? Yes and no; it's not my house so I can't just do what ever I want to, and that's the downside.
 
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