Shallow or Personal Preference

Call me whatever you want, I don't communicate with people who have not posted at least onephoto... ever. Normally I want to see a full body view before we meet.

As much as I'm stunned at how a number of people could let a few inches of height or something like that come between them and true love, I have to admit that this is one of the appearance issues that I can understand and have seriously thought about doing. While I'm a computer geek, that's from work and it took me years to get a digital camera or a cell with a camera on it. Getting a pic that wasn't a mirror shot of myself was not easy! So I do have sympathy for someone who might have trouble getting a few pictures but, still, it does say something if they don't have a picture posted.


What does it say? Maybe:


1) I'm too d----- lazy to post a picture.


2) I don't care enough about making an impression on the potential love of my life to go through the effort.


3) I'm not proud of my appearance and think it drives people away.


4) I'm just so gosh-darned hot that I want someone who loves me for me, not for my body.


I figure if it's #1 or #2, then it's someone who is not putting forth the effort to date. If it's #4, there are ways to tone down one's appearance and there are so many and they can be so easy it's a joke to list them. That leaves #3, which, in my experience, is the most frequent case (and I'm talking from dates from another site, since I get so few from eH). If that's the case, then it's up to that person to improve their appearance. That can be done by getting some glamour shots done or getting a pro to shoot a few home pics or by carefully selecting cloths, or many other things. So if they're worried their pic will scare off potential partners, then putting up a photo is the least of their problems -- since if the match works, they're going to have to meet that person anyway.

As much as I'm stunned at how a number of people could let a few inches of height or something like that come between them and true love, I have to admit that this is one of the appearance issues that I can understand and have seriously thought about doing. While I'm a computer geek, that's from work and it took me years to get a digital camera or a cell with a camera on it. Getting a pic that wasn't a mirror shot of myself was not easy! So I do have sympathy for someone who might have trouble getting a few pictures but, still, it does say something if they don't have a picture posted.


What does it say? Maybe:


1) I'm too d----- lazy to post a picture.


2) I don't care enough about making an impression on the potential love of my life to go through the effort.


3) I'm not proud of my appearance and think it drives people away.


4) I'm just so gosh-darned hot that I want someone who loves me for me, not for my body.


I figure if it's #1 or #2, then it's someone who is not putting forth the effort to date. If it's #4, there are ways to tone down one's appearance and there are so many and they can be so easy it's a joke to list them. That leaves #3, which, in my experience, is the most frequent case (and I'm talking from dates from another site, since I get so few from eH). If that's the case, then it's up to that person to improve their appearance. That can be done by getting some glamour shots done or getting a pro to shoot a few home pics or by carefully selecting cloths, or many other things. So if they're worried their pic will scare off potential partners, then putting up a photo is the least of their problems -- since if the match works, they're going to have to meet that person anyway.

Its kinda hard but you have to find a happy medium between good looks and great personality. You have to be at least a little physically attracted to them and thats not shallow, it nature. I would just keep on trucking and hopefully something will come your way. You just gotta be in the right place at the right time

I have a different take on this than a lot of people and I've been raked over the coals on here by some people for stating my view, but I'll say it again.


I can think of one relationship in particular where I met a woman while working in a summer program and we became friends.* She's 14-15 years older than I am and I guess I noticed and didn't think at all in terms of physical attraction, but after a few weeks we ended up dating.* We're not dating anymore and she's one of my best friends.* I found that as I got to know her better, I found her more and more attractive.


When I was younger, I had a serious thing for brunettes and never wanted to even consider dating a woman who wasn't one, but got introduced to a redhead and as I got to know her and the chemistry built up, I found her hotter and hotter the closer we got to each other.* We broke up and all I could imagine was dating redheads, but the next girl I met and got along well with and dated was a blonde.


I've seen a LONG thread here on height and women who say, over and over, "I'm 5'x" tall and I want to feel feminine when I put on heels."* I don't get that and I don't get turning people down as potential dates based solely on looks.* I can understand health concerns, such as morbid obesity (and remember, even though I've lost 7-8 belt notches so far, that remark is coming from a fat man), but I can't understand people ruling out a potential date or mate based on a few inches of height, a face that they don't like, or something else that one would not think, at first, is what they'd be attracted to.


It all depends on what is inside US.* We see the world as a projection of what is in us.* Whether we are or feel feminine or masculine, that is from inside us, not outside.* If we depend on a partner's physical characteristics to make us feel feminine or masculine or strong or horny or loving, then what happens when their physical form changes?* Can we still feel the same way if they end up in a wheelchair or their face is disfigured?* Will we still feel that same level of love if what turned us on in the first place is hurt in an accident or by disease?


Most people don't realize that emotions are a choice and we have more control over them than we want to accept.* True, it's easier if we pretend that's not true.* Then we can go out only for hotties with the excuse that we just aren't attracted to other types.* I honestly believe that we have the abilities to "reprogram" ourselves and even if a person is not attractive, if we truly love them, we will find them becoming more and more attractive to us.


I've known women that were extremely "hot" and after I got to know them and realize they were mainpulative and nasty, could only see them as completely unattractive while I've known other women that didn't seem attractive at first and after I got to know them and their kindness and emotional depth, thought they were beautiful.


I can't see writing off someone that may be a fantastic partner for me because she's taller than I am (and I've got an excuse for that, since height can be a serious consideration for competitive ballroom dance, which is my passion) or has the wrong color hair or eyes or doesn't have the looks I wanted or was hoping for.


Life's too short to write off people that could bring someting wonderful to my life just because they're not what I might consider attractive when I meet them.

Why don't we instead just drop all the pretenses and admit: Physical attraction/attributes is/are what is most important! After all, I just did.


Does that make me a bad person? Absolutely not! In fact, quite the opposite. My honesty is part of what makes me great.