Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 11 of 13 « First 9 10 11 12 13
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
0000LADY 0000LADY is offline
0000LADY's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 5

See profile

Breezy26, wrote :

I know everyone has a personal preference when it comes to physical attributes - tall, short, bald, skinny, buff, etc. We all have an image of the man or woman we would be attracted to.


So you are communicating with someone online who has not posted a photoand you seemed to be really compatible and the communication was great and you had much in common. Then, you share your photo with the match and they drop youlike a hot potato. No more communication, no thanks but no thanks, nothing.


I readalot of comments like this on this forum. And the obvious reason is that the match did not like how you looked, you didn't fit with the image of the man or woman they're attracted to.


What about matches that you communicate well with and then they give you their grocery list of what they want physically -their ideal match has to weigh this much, has this color hair, is this or that height, has no fat on them. LOL.


I get that we all obviously want someone with who we are physically attracted to especially when looking for someone you're going to see each day for the rest of your life. You need to feel some physical chemistry, they need to turn you on and not turn you off because God forbid, their nose is big, they have thinning hair, too many pimples, a few extra pounds, etc.


But, at what point do you think thatit is shallow to choose physical image over someone who could be a great match? Or would you just chalkthis up to personal preference and say that he or she is not your type? Would you compromise on certain physical attributes because the person has great qualities. For example,would yoube happy with the man who has a big nose because you love his sense of humor and you both have a love for, I don't know, needlepoint? Would you be happy with the woman who has a few extra pounds because you both have similar interests and dreams?
I have communicated with lots who did not post a photo. You wonder why they don't post a photo. It tells me they don't feel good enough about themselves to share a photo. Or they don't have the computer capabilities to upload a photo. In any event. I like to see what someone looks like before I do much communicating. Physical attraction plays a large portion is chemistry and attraction. But when you love someone you learn to overlook a few of their physical abnormalities, ha ha, or incompletions.
- December 5th, 2008, 06:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#101   Reply With Quote
yzerwoman yzerwoman is offline
yzerwoman's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 1

See profile

Breezy26 wrote :

MelinCali wrote :


But I also tend to close all the guys that are far prettier than me too and keep most of the matches that would not be considered universally handsome by conventional standards.


LOL.I have to say that your comment cracked me up! I'm with you on not wanting men that are too 'pretty'. I find different types of men attractive. I have my preference but I'm also open-minded. However, I'm not into men that look like GQ models orhave celebrity looks. Yeah, they're great to look at but they're just not for me. I'm attractive but I'm not glossy and I don't want to be with glossy men.


I had one match choose 'attractive by current standards' as his must have. Seriously, if you want Angelina Jolie, you're dreaming!!
"I had one match choose 'attractive by current standards' as his must have. Seriously, if you want Angelina Jolie, you're dreaming!!"


I met a guy who said this too, and felt flattered at first that he must have felt some attraction to mesince he was contacting me. He was very attractive himself, but the more I got to know him, the more I realized he wasn't for me.Some of the things he said and did just didn't match up to who he said he was. Of course, maybe themust havesshould have been a sign
- December 5th, 2008, 09:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#102   Reply With Quote
GolferGuySC GolferGuySC is offline
GolferGuySC's Avatar

GolferGuySC had a great round of golf today

Quick Study

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 230

See profile



There have been threads and posts on this as long as I have been on. Bottom line is physical attraction is a very important component to many people. Heck most any person has SOME elimination criteria they have in their mind.


Not posting a picture and hoping to "click" with someone is just opening yourself up to disappointment and hurt IMO. Have a profile that accurately reflects you and then you will know with confidence that when you are approached that it has a legitimate shot of succeeding.
- December 5th, 2008, 10:00 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#103   Reply With Quote
sadsack sadsack is offline
sadsack's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 18

See profile



I have closed out about 3 matches because their profile said "Request my Photo", which I have done. Waited, waited and waited some more and no photos were forthcoming. Are they playing games or counting how many requests they get for their photos.
- December 5th, 2008, 10:09 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#104   Reply With Quote
cmerun cmerun is offline
cmerun's Avatar

cmerun is happy.

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 4

See profile



This is a great topic. We all want to be accepted and perhaps even thought of as attractive people. It just happens that some people are picky and others aren't. I am one of those that have somewhat of a low standard on what I consider attractive. I want my partner to be in somewhat shape (so she can join me in my active lifestyle), average in attractiveness, and with a curvey body (if possible).


However, I place premium on personality. If I can't be myself around you and relaxed, no matter how attractive you are, it's just not going to work.


Looks fade and eventually that HOT woman will become average. Hell, Richard Gere got tired of Cindy Crawford. Get the point? WE are all shallow to some extent. Some women will only date men that are 6'0 above, even though there's a great guy right in front of them.


Bottom line is, our shallowness/prejudice could be the reason we are single and on eharmony and looking for love?


The grass may be greener, but remember, some one has to maintain it.





- December 5th, 2008, 10:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#105   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Soready Soready is offline
Soready's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 2

See profile

bravethestorm wrote :

I think everyone has some bottom of the line standards...of which depending on the person some can be high and others not high enough (if they settle for abuse etc.).


For me the lack of pictures bothers me because it's not a complete impression of even the "online" persona so could be 180 degrees from the real in person one on personality too. I rather have some idea so I can get the best overall picture of the match. It's just one of those things that someone has to fall in that standard of what you can accept. A match that you find repulsive is not likely to work unless you see something in them that changes your mind.


I rarely communicate with matches without photos because of the "unknown"...I want to know going in that I'm not going to run from how they look. For the very same reason i put my own photo on my eharmony profile.


There will always be tradeoffs...personality always wins over looks to me but at the same time those individuals met my minimum in attractiveness. It's a complete package deal...you either have to accept the whole or move on as even if someone wants to change...there are limits and it is voluntary on their part.


To me shallow would be the definition if the standards were so high that an average person would not be acceptable on looks or some other aspect most would perceive as "picky". Preference would be when you know a match must have a certain trait, value or lack of so you simply get along better.
I enjoy reading the rational words from people here. Its very encouraging. Truly, I think most men's idea of even a "good looking woman" is really off base, and they even may be hung up on a "model" girlfriend rather than a compatible girlfriend. Sadly, most people write their profiles with great sounding quotes and fair remarks, but i've simply found that those people rarely exist. For instance, why would someone with a dry, non-humorous personality (and they know it), turn away someone who is fun and who is carrying the conversation? Because the person is very un-realistic and is still in search of his supermodel, which, by the way, is not on the way and certainly not going to choose them with that type personality.





Most people fail to realize that even people who are in "arranged" marriages have the same percentage of marriage success as those of us who spend countless hours pondering if a person is worthy of us and then 7 years later, we marry the person after having made them pay major dues.


I just dont know when people will wake up and realize that you may have already missed your soul mate by passing the person's profile up because their photo doesnt quite meet your supermodel standards. A few extra pounds on a woman is not and should not be a deal breaker, expecially when the man is no James Bond either. Lets face it, most people are average. That is really good enough for the lives we live and we need to wake up about it because the soul connection is what's up!!





- December 5th, 2008, 11:27 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#106   Reply With Quote
Breezy26 Breezy26 is offline
Breezy26's Avatar

Breezy26 is in love with weekends.

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 45

See profile

cmerun wrote :

Looks fade and eventually that HOT woman will become average. Hell, Richard Gere got tired of Cindy Crawford. Get the point? WE are all shallow to some extent. Some women will only date men that are 6'0 above, even though there's a great guy right in front of them.


Bottom line is, our shallowness/prejudice could be the reason we are single and on eharmony and looking for love?


The grass may be greener, but remember, some one has to maintain it.
I totally agree with you here. I was just talking to a co-worker about this today. Looks fade and in 10 years age will have taken a toll on our looks and our body. Men are known to leavetheir wivesfor someone prettier and younger. I also think that looks don't really mean much unless there's a bond that keeps you together. Look at celebs like Halle Berry. She's absolutely gorgeous but Eric Benet left her. Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston and she's gorgeous by 'current standards'. Just because you're beautiful, with a great figure doesn't automatically mean you get to fall in love and live happily ever after. You hear all the time about celebs wanting to get married and settle down and fall in love and have kids. They're in the same boat we are!


I agree with everyone that we do need to feel a physical attraction to our partner. I certainly want to be physically attracted to my partner. But, I think sometimes peopleallow looksto take precedence over a great personality and we dismiss someone who has a great personality because they don't fit our looks criteria.


I've communicated with men who have no pics simply because their profile seemed interesting and I wanted to get to know them. Who knows what their reasons are for not posting a photo? I'm not going to assume anything about their motives for not posting one. I know what I want physically in a man, but I'm willing to lower my standards if someone has great qualities. For example, I'm into bald men or thinning hair. But, if they're attractive in other ways, I'll give it a chance. But, that's just me.


I like reading everyone's views!
- December 6th, 2008, 12:46 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#107   Reply With Quote
Breezy26 Breezy26 is offline
Breezy26's Avatar

Breezy26 is in love with weekends.

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 45

See profile

Breezy26 wrote :

cmerun wrote :


Looks fade and eventually that HOT woman will become average. Hell, Richard Gere got tired of Cindy Crawford. Get the point? WE are all shallow to some extent. Some women will only date men that are 6'0 above, even though there's a great guy right in front of them.


Bottom line is, our shallowness/prejudice could be the reason we are single and on eharmony and looking for love?


The grass may be greener, but remember, some one has to maintain it.


I totally agree with you here. I was just talking to a co-worker about this today. Looks fade and in 10 years age will have taken a toll on our looks and our body. Men are known to leavetheir wivesfor someone prettier and younger. I also think that looks don't really mean much unless there's a bond that keeps you together. Look at celebs like Halle Berry. She's absolutely gorgeous but Eric Benet left her. Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston and she's gorgeous by 'current standards'. Just because you're beautiful, with a great figure doesn't automatically mean you get to fall in love and live happily ever after. You hear all the time about celebs wanting to get married and settle down and fall in love and have kids. They're in the same boat we are!


I agree with everyone that we do need to feel a physical attraction to our partner. I certainly want to be physically attracted to my partner. But, I think sometimes peopleallow looksto take precedence over a great personality and we dismiss someone who has a great personality because they don't fit our looks criteria.


I've communicated with men who have no pics simply because their profile seemed interesting and I wanted to get to know them. Who knows what their reasons are for not posting a photo? I'm not going to assume anything about their motives for not posting one. I know what I want physically in a man, but I'm willing to lower my standards if someone has great qualities. For example, I'm into bald men or thinning hair. But, if they're attractive in other ways, I'll give it a chance. But, that's just me.


I like reading everyone's views!
I meant to say that I'm not into bald men or thinning hair. EH won't let me edit my response. I get some 'fatal error' message.
- December 6th, 2008, 12:49 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#108   Reply With Quote
Breezy26 Breezy26 is offline
Breezy26's Avatar

Breezy26 is in love with weekends.

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 45

See profile

Soready wrote :

I just dont know when people will wake up and realize that you may have already missed your soul mate by passing the person's profile up because their photo doesnt quite meet your supermodel standards. A few extra pounds on a woman is not and should not be a deal breaker, expecially when the man is no James Bond either. Lets face it, most people are average. That is really good enough for the lives we live and we need to wake up about it because the soul connection is what's up!!




This thought has crossed my mind. So many of us are on here talking about being single and how hard it is to find our soul mate and how we get closed frequently and how we close other matches because of some imperfection or unattractiveness. What a difference it would make if some of us lowered our standards and looked at beauty in a different light. We might start seeing some success stories! :-)
- December 6th, 2008, 12:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#109   Reply With Quote
Night_Blossom Night_Blossom is offline
Night_Blossom's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 6

See profile

MyBack40 wrote :

I just had a situation today that is new to me, and I wonder if anyone else here has experienced it. First, let me explain that I have only a few matches per week, and due to the common sensitivity about closed=rejected my policy now is to initiate communication with each match and let her close me if she doesn't like me. A couple of days ago I recieved a match who is only 5'0 and was tempted to close her due to height difference (I'm 5'10), but didn't because I'm trying to be more openminded about that on here than I have been in the past. I sent her 1st questions, and tonight I found her replies and the questions she sent me. One of her questions is describe what I find physically attractive - the very first time any match has asked me this. What puts me on my guard is that the match who asked me this has NO PHOTO. I have a photo posted, so she can see me. I answered her question as honestly as I could, getting very specific about some things (and no, I didn't specify measurements). This question really made me think about the whole shallowness vs. preference debate. Any comments, or speculation on this match's motives for hiding her face but asking me what l like for looks?
Maybe she's hideous. Maybe she's so gorgeous that she hasn't posted her photo because she wants to get to know someone before they judge her by her looks. That's kind of a joke, but that's something I have wondered - if some people don't post their photos because they ARE really good looking and don't want every 'Shallow Hal' around wasting their time. Okay, that's probably not it in most cases, but I would bet it is for some.


Anyway, why don't you just answer her honestly and ask her the same thing. You'll probably get some insight into her level of attractiveness or at least her self-confidence (which can be very attractive in itself) by her response. If she says looks don't matter, then she probably doesn't want her looks to matter to you, which means she might be a dog. I wouldn't close just based on her height. What do you really have to lose?
- December 6th, 2008, 05:15 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#110   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 11 of 13 « First 9 10 11 12 13

Bookmarks

« Politics & Parenting style | Array | Flat refusal »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ I have a friend who is on point with you about listening to her gut. It's not easy when the heart and brain are trying to tell you something else! ” – VB_Girl

Join the “Latest discovery” discussion

“I've been seeing someone long distance for a little while now. We've managed to pull off 5 visits (some spanning multiple days) in the span of about 1.5 months and have been talking for about 2-2.5 ... ” – Mangosteen

Join the “what to do... second guessing myself” discussion

“ Olrowe-You ask to see ID? On what # date? I have never done this before. I have googled guys once I knew their last name to see what I can learn about them...usually their facebook profile or work ... ” – jens84

Join the “Need some advice please...” discussion

“ I told the sister I was over on the Island 'with friends'....and I expect she'll take it has having been pretty innocent (which is was) because I had called her husband hoping for all of us to get ... ” – jayjay

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“---” – Faira

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“So if you are seeing each other every weekend, having sex and both saying I love you to each other, but you haven't actually said the word 'exclusive', then it's okay to date other people?” – polly_anna

Join the “Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People” discussion

“I guee he hasnt asked you out yet.....he may be very nervous to ask you. Its normal for guys to be vare nervous because of the fear of rejection. He may be looking for other signs that show your ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “i have a problem understanding this guy!” discussion

“I teach high school, so there isn't much I haven't heard or much that shocks me anymore. People also tend to trust me, so they tend to share things with me, as a result. It doesn't really bother ... ” – brneyedangel

Join the “Why overshare?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:15 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0