cld2grd is offline cld2grd Post #1  November 25,2008, 6:12am
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A little whine here.. I miss opposite sex friendships! Okay whine over. But I'm curious if any of you have gained really good opposite sex friends from eHarmony or other dating situations. I kind of hoped that would be a "side effect" of sorts from this but I'm not sure any more. It seems like either it's a romantic match or nothing if that makes sense.
 
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nebethet is offline nebethet Post #2  November 25,2008, 8:05am
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I had one date who after I closed him out with the 'I didn't feel there was a connection' option called me and left voice mail asking if we could be friends. Maybe it's just me but I don't need more male friends, I'm on eH to find a man to be with, not just be friends with. Starting up friendships with people that I don't want to date would only get in the way of finding one to be in a relationship with.
 
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Cyclist_Steve is offline Cyclist_Steve Post #3  November 25,2008, 8:33am
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I have a few friendships that resulted from online dating experiences. One of them I consider to be a very good friend, and that has been the case for over a year now.


I can't say I'm totally on board with what nebethet, in that I don't need any more friendships with the oppisite sex - I'll take all the solid friendships I can get! I do agree that online dating is about finding a partner/mate and not about collecting friends, but like the OP mentioned, gaining a friendship here and thereis a natural part of this process, IMHO.
 
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PY is offline PY Post #4  November 25,2008, 8:59am

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cld2grd, wrote :


A little whine here.. I miss opposite sex friendships! Okay whine over. But I'm curious if any of you have gained really good opposite sex friends from eHarmony or other dating situations. I kind of hoped that would be a "side effect" of sorts from this but I'm not sure any more. It seems like either it's a romantic match or nothing if that makes sense.


I'll be your friend


OK seriously- I put in my profile about if things didn't progress romantically, I'm fine with gaining another friend. I got crap for it from some of the posters here when I talked about that. I have also been very honest right from the beginning about my approach to my matches. So far only one match closed me out due to that. One actually mentioned in her email to me that if she didn't feel any romantic connection, she would still keep me in her life as her friend (we'll see about that- but at least we're on the same page). Another match even joked that if we didn't click, we'd help each other out finding our matches LOL.


Bottom line: There will be people who dont see it your way, and some people who do. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, in my opinion....you may not need to be good friends...but at least becomingacquaintances is possible.


Yes, we are here to find the love of our life, but dating in the 30s in my opinion doesn't have to posses the rules/strategy/mindset of dating in highschool....at least in my book. You just meet people for coffee, lunches, etc. just to get to know them on one-to-one basis..not that much different than going in group setting, except you have more opportunity to focus on each other.


This is why I have a policy of no kissing, no holding hands, nothing romantic like that until we become exclusive (except a nice hug at the end of the 'date') so we can focus more on getting to know each other part.


Edit: I also agree with Steve!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  November 25,2008, 9:28am
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I am very confused about this issue.


On the one hand I don't think that you can take someone that you approach at the start as being possibly "the one" and then when you meet say there is no chemistry (oh how I hate that word) but I would like to be friends and then continue to see them.


On the other hand it has been my experience that if you start out as friends you can never achieve a romantic connection. Once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone.


On the other hand (I must be a freak, 3 hands???) I would love to have more friends. Particularly single ones to do things with as all my friends are married and about the only time my (married) friends include me is on major holidays.
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #6  November 25,2008, 9:40am
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Haven't yet had an online match become a friend of mine and I've been doing this off/on for five plus years. I guess I'm not opposed to it but it just doesn't work like that for me in the online dating world. Either you date or you don't and they go away forever. I don't go out and interview for new friends and never really think like this as an alternative to a defunct EH date.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  November 25,2008, 9:53am
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gr8galmv,358360 wrote :

Haven't yet had an online match become a friend of mine and I've been doing this off/on for five plus years. I guess I'm not opposed to it but it just doesn't work like that for me in the online dating world. Either you date or you don't and they go away forever. I don't go out and interview for new friends and never really think like this as an alternative to a defunct EH date.
+1
 
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gr8guy is offline gr8guy Post #8  November 25,2008, 1:08pm
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cld2grd, wrote :

A little whine here.. I miss opposite sex friendships! Okay whine over. But I'm curious if any of you have gained really good opposite sex friends from eHarmony or other dating situations. I kind of hoped that would be a "side effect" of sorts from this but I'm not sure any more. It seems like either it's a romantic match or nothing if that makes sense.
All of my female freinds are married. I can't recall a time when I've had a relationship fade into a freindship.
 
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knarf7575 is offline knarf7575 Post #9  November 25,2008, 2:55pm
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cld2grd, wrote :

A little whine here.. I miss opposite sex friendships! Okay whine over. But I'm curious if any of you have gained really good opposite sex friends from eHarmony or other dating situations. I kind of hoped that would be a "side effect" of sorts from this but I'm not sure any more. It seems like either it's a romantic match or nothing if that makes sense.
I am pretty new to eharmony, but as a Christian my desire is more towards friendship. We get to know others as brother and sister in Christ and in so doing, God may connect us with that "special someone", but we should be making many friends along the way. I am already seeing this. It's healthy to date many different people at the same time. As long as it stays in public and nothing physical, I think I can make many new friends.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #10  November 26,2008, 10:11am
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I have a new theory on this. People of the opposite sex and be friends if the guy is not interested in the girl.


Overall, it seems if a woman is interested in a guy, she can handle staying friends better with him. But switch places and the guy will have more issues, he'll be occasionally thinking of a way to upgrade the friendship to something more...somehow.


Now for online dating matches turing into friendships. Yes this is possible. Here's how I have seen it happen in my life. You get a match, you go out a few times and get along great, but there's no real spark, no romantic chemistry for some reason. Then you both think, hmm this other person is fun to hang with, but we don't make a good dating couple. That's when being friends can work out. However, it takes two people who are somewhat mature and can handle it.
 
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