Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 2 of 7 1 2 3 4 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
whysoserious whysoserious is offline
whysoserious's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 769

See profile



Even women that aggressively pursue a man, still want a "man", if they wanted someone to be "nice" listen and be comapsionate they could hang with their girlfriends.
- October 28th, 2008, 03:45 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
NotaBene NotaBene is offline
NotaBene's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 19

See profile

myharleysgotpink wrote :

NotaBene, wrote :


I’m disconcerted by my recent dating experiences. The only thing that the women seem to bring to the table is their-you-know-what, and employ it as their trump card. I’m 42, and my recent dates have been 48, 40, and 47 respectively. They enter dates with me thinking that I’m going to be a G.I. Joe-esque figure that is capable of tremendous feats once you pull his string, and depart bitterly disappointed when they discover that I am mere mortal. I never hear from them again, despite being the model of chivalry during our dates, listening attentively to their life experiences, and feeling nothing but compassion for their circumstances. Nevertheless, they all rejected me as being perfectly unsuitable. From my perspective, after the fact, I’m thinking about what the woman has to offer me apart from her sexual organs. Inevitably, she is divorced, has children, works part-time, and has little life experience. Thoughts, anyone, on this female proclivity?


They enter dates with me thinking that I’m going to be a G.I. Joe-esque figure that is capable of tremendous feats once you pull his string, and depart bitterly disappointed when they discover that I am mere mortal.


Can you explain why it is you feel they think that the above is their expectation heading into the date?
I give a complete account of my life and interests in my profile. I don't want these women to have any surprises, so I am scrupulously honest.
- October 28th, 2008, 03:50 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
whysoserious whysoserious is offline
whysoserious's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 769

See profile

NotaBene wrote :

myharleysgotpink wrote :


NotaBene, wrote :


I’m disconcerted by my recent dating experiences. The only thing that the women seem to bring to the table is their-you-know-what, and employ it as their trump card. I’m 42, and my recent dates have been 48, 40, and 47 respectively. They enter dates with me thinking that I’m going to be a G.I. Joe-esque figure that is capable of tremendous feats once you pull his string, and depart bitterly disappointed when they discover that I am mere mortal. I never hear from them again, despite being the model of chivalry during our dates, listening attentively to their life experiences, and feeling nothing but compassion for their circumstances. Nevertheless, they all rejected me as being perfectly unsuitable. From my perspective, after the fact, I’m thinking about what the woman has to offer me apart from her sexual organs. Inevitably, she is divorced, has children, works part-time, and has little life experience. Thoughts, anyone, on this female proclivity?


They enter dates with me thinking that I’m going to be a G.I. Joe-esque figure that is capable of tremendous feats once you pull his string, and depart bitterly disappointed when they discover that I am mere mortal.


Can you explain why it is you feel they think that the above is their expectation heading into the date?


I give a complete account of my life and interests in my profile. I don't want these women to have any surprises, so I am scrupulously honest.
So why do they have this expectation of you if it isn't how your present yourself? Or is it just that you are projecting that they are disappointed by you lack of a "kung fu grip" (sorry couldn't resist the GI Joe reference)? Maybe they just didn't feel an attraction? Did they tell you that you were amazingly underwhelming, or is that the reason that you are using for being rejected?


It seems you are new to this whole thing, you may be amazed, but 0 for 3 isn't exactly a statistic that anyone that has been here or doing the online dating thing for any amount of time would even bat an eye at.


Dating really is a numbers game and 3 isn't enough of a sample to determine anything from. You can either let these 3 dates haunt you and get you down or you can chalk it up to experience like the rest of us have and keep going on more dates to try to find someone that does like you for who you are.
- October 28th, 2008, 04:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
Red Sox Girl Red Sox Girl is offline
Red Sox Girl's Avatar

Red Sox Girl It's almost time folks.....

Unregistered

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 3,852

See profile



The last 2 paragraphs that whysoserious wrote were spot on as far as I'm concerned. Finding someone nice is really about playing the cards in any dating venue, whether on/offline. I've been very active in trying to meet new guys for about a year now & if I tell you my stats, you'd probably want to cry! And the stories I can tell you about the socially inept guys I've met (most of them) are priceless. But you really can't look at it negatively - it's like Russian roulette when we hook up with random strangers - basically! Think about it, I don't give a rat's a$$ whether anyone believes there are 29 dimensions of compatibility. Poppycock! A computer is sending me matches based on boxes I've checked on a questionnaire. This is just a way to meet single men for me - I'm not expecting Elvis to be reincarnated. And I don't assume that all men are like the idiots that I've met - that'sone thing thatkeeps me going.


The odds are stacked against us finding someone wonderful online because it's so randomized. But the odds increase as we increase the numbersof people we meet, so yes, it's certainly possible that if you throw enough men at me, one lovely one will stick.


Don't let the bad apples get you down. Just keep truckin'!
- October 28th, 2008, 08:21 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
NotaBene NotaBene is offline
NotaBene's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 19

See profile

whysoserious wrote :

NotaBene wrote :


myharleysgotpink wrote :


NotaBene, wrote :


I’m disconcerted by my recent dating experiences. The only thing that the women seem to bring to the table is their-you-know-what, and employ it as their trump card. I’m 42, and my recent dates have been 48, 40, and 47 respectively. They enter dates with me thinking that I’m going to be a G.I. Joe-esque figure that is capable of tremendous feats once you pull his string, and depart bitterly disappointed when they discover that I am mere mortal. I never hear from them again, despite being the model of chivalry during our dates, listening attentively to their life experiences, and feeling nothing but compassion for their circumstances. Nevertheless, they all rejected me as being perfectly unsuitable. From my perspective, after the fact, I’m thinking about what the woman has to offer me apart from her sexual organs. Inevitably, she is divorced, has children, works part-time, and has little life experience. Thoughts, anyone, on this female proclivity?


They enter dates with me thinking that I’m going to be a G.I. Joe-esque figure that is capable of tremendous feats once you pull his string, and depart bitterly disappointed when they discover that I am mere mortal.


Can you explain why it is you feel they think that the above is their expectation heading into the date?


I give a complete account of my life and interests in my profile. I don't want these women to have any surprises, so I am scrupulously honest.


So why do they have this expectation of you if it isn't how your present yourself? Or is it just that you are projecting that they are disappointed by you lack of a "kung fu grip" (sorry couldn't resist the GI Joe reference)? Maybe they just didn't feel an attraction? Did they tell you that you were amazingly underwhelming, or is that the reason that you are using for being rejected?


It seems you are new to this whole thing, you may be amazed, but 0 for 3 isn't exactly a statistic that anyone that has been here or doing the online dating thing for any amount of time would even bat an eye at.


Dating really is a numbers game and 3 isn't enough of a sample to determine anything from. You can either let these 3 dates haunt you and get you down or you can chalk it up to experience like the rest of us have and keep going on more dates to try to find someone that does like you for who you are.
You're reading far more into my original post than was stated. I was simply noting an alarming pattern emerging in my dating experiences that is disconcerting. I don't know why their epectation level is so high, and I've make it a point to be understated in my approach to put them at their ease.
- October 28th, 2008, 09:24 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

NotaBene NotaBene is offline
NotaBene's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 19

See profile

whysoserious wrote :

Even women that aggressively pursue a man, still want a "man", if they wanted someone to be "nice" listen and be comapsionate they could hang with their girlfriends.
So you are saying that I would have more success with boorish behaviour? Dating is fundamentally about sharing and listening. They listen to me attentively.
- October 28th, 2008, 09:28 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
NotaBene NotaBene is offline
NotaBene's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 19

See profile

whysoserious wrote :

NotaBene wrote :


They all aggressively pursued me. Initiated first contact, set up the date...and so on. I just had to make an appearance. I still don’t know what to make of it. I bring up the topic of what these women have to offer, because I find the scenario completely absurd given the scenario.


The same goes for why are you saying yes to these dates. Are these really women that you are personally interested in? Are you just saying yes because you got asked out? Your behavor sounds amazingly passive, what reason are you giving them to not reject you? There are thousands of men that will be chivalrous, listen and be compasionate to get "what only women can offer". What are you doing to make them like you besides the bare minimum that any gentleman would do?
Let's be honest:


A Man's Checklist:


a) Is she reasonably attractive.


b) Is she reasonably sound.


These women were all married at one point, so their life stories are all the same. It does become monotonous.99% of the time, the women send me the same questions through the GC process. How many times have I read "Loves to laugh""Love my kids" "Loves life"... Most of the profiles are a study in banality. How could you not be passive when confronted with this?What do they have to offer to dazzle my senses, orexcite my interest? Most of their experiences were bought, not earned. Have you encountered many women in their 40's that didn't conform to this pattern?
- October 28th, 2008, 09:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
VictoriaJ VictoriaJ is offline
VictoriaJ's Avatar

VictoriaJ is happy and busy at a new job.

Veteran

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,941

See profile



NotaBene wrote :


How many times have I read "Loves to laugh""Love my kids" "Loves life"... Most of the profiles are a study in banality.





Have you encountered many women in their 40's that didn't conform to this pattern?


NB, I can definitely relate to your description of banal profiles. My personal pet peeve is when someone is asked what their passion is, and they respond with just "life." I simply close those matches. If they're boring and clueless on their profile, why would they be much different on a date?





As for interesting women in their 40s, stick around on the advice boards for a while and you'll meet a lot of them!
- October 28th, 2008, 10:41 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
whysoserious whysoserious is offline
whysoserious's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 769

See profile

NotaBene wrote :

whysoserious wrote :


NotaBene wrote :


They all aggressively pursued me. Initiated first contact, set up the date...and so on. I just had to make an appearance. I still don’t know what to make of it. I bring up the topic of what these women have to offer, because I find the scenario completely absurd given the scenario.


The same goes for why are you saying yes to these dates. Are these really women that you are personally interested in? Are you just saying yes because you got asked out? Your behavor sounds amazingly passive, what reason are you giving them to not reject you? There are thousands of men that will be chivalrous, listen and be compasionate to get "what only women can offer". What are you doing to make them like you besides the bare minimum that any gentleman would do?


Let's be honest:


A Man's Checklist:


a) Is she reasonably attractive.


b) Is she reasonably sound.


These women were all married at one point, so their life stories are all the same. It does become monotonous.99% of the time, the women send me the same questions through the GC process. How many times have I read "Loves to laugh""Love my kids" "Loves life"... Most of the profiles are a study in banality. How could you not be passive when confronted with this?What do they have to offer to dazzle my senses, orexcite my interest? Most of their experiences were bought, not earned. Have you encountered many women in their 40's that didn't conform to this pattern?
Well I don't know too many women in their forties, but I do think you are overgeneralizing based on three dates. You really don't sound like you like any of these women to begin with and are just upset that you didn't get to reject them first.


Don't give me that "man's checklist" BS either you don't have to have to like a woman because she is cute and sane. You need to raise your standards a bit and stop going out with every woman that asks.


People can sense when you aren't really into it and you seem like you are probably putting out that kind of vibe from what you say about these women and your communications with them.


You are making the biggest mistake that I have seen many men and women on this site make and making generalizations that all men and all women act a certian way. People are individuals and for as may women out there that act like that there are 100 more that would act differently. But most of them will reject you if you just aren't that into them and that is what the case seems to be here.
- October 28th, 2008, 10:51 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
NotaBene NotaBene is offline
NotaBene's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 19

See profile

VictoriaJ wrote :

NotaBene wrote :


How many times have I read "Loves to laugh""Love my kids" "Loves life"... Most of the profiles are a study in banality.





Have you encountered many women in their 40's that didn't conform to this pattern?


NB, I can definitely relate to your description of banal profiles. My personal pet peeve is when someone is asked what their passion is, and they respond with just "life." I simply close those matches. If they're boring and clueless on their profile, why would they be much different on a date?





As for interesting women in their 40s, stick around on the advice boards for a while and you'll meet a lot of them!

All of the people I dated interested me. I don’t arrive on the scene with lofty expectations. All of us have led circumscribed lives that are channeled along a monotonous course (school, work, accumulation) with little allowance for monumental experiences, so the stories I hear on my dates are much the same. Despite the similarities, I still listen attentively/sincerely, because they honour me by sharing their stories. I go on these dates not because I think these women are human dynamos capable of leaping tall buildings. I’m wondering if they are good people. That, and a certain physical attractiveness, is all that I require.




However…


The women see things differently. They do have lofty expectations, which I do meet, but I refuse to accommodate their desire to witness an ostentatious display. I am understated, and soft-spoken. In other words, I’m written-off as lacking confidence (the kiss of death), or being a confidence trickster. I’m neither. I’m perfectly secure with myself, so I don’t need to dominate the scene.


This leads me back to my original post. I’ve led a full life, didn’t buy my life experiences, chose my own path, am self-defined…etc. The women are attracted by this, and expect that I will arrive for my date by parachute with a machine gun in hand like some comic book character. They feel cheated when they encounter a gentle, attentive, soft-spoken individual. They reject me.


From my perspective, I’m wondering what the women had to offer that was so dazzling. They pursued me, aggressively, then tossed me aside when I failed to live up to their expectations of what I should be. I find it all so absurd.

- October 28th, 2008, 11:31 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 7 1 2 3 4 Last »

Bookmarks

« Need a Male's Point of View | Array | Is it my imagination...? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“There has to be some level of attraction in a relationship. This includes physical attraction. Perhaps you could consider talking to your guy about it. Guys can't read minds.” – Mr_Right

Join the “dating for two years” discussion

“If it's expensive I'd say it was an excellent date for you. You could make a massive fuss about it. ” – trixie1868

Join the “Is a Cruise a good Date?” discussion

“You do need to talk about this..... wait and see what happens when he comes back to Aus, talk to him then, it might be time to end it,or not. Sometimes, when away from home, people get into ... ” – Lilycat

Join the “reading between the lines....?” discussion

“I have been on and off several dating sites for more than 10 years. I have only had 1 relationship in the process, so indeed, it is nothing personal.” – olrowe

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion

“Wanted to add my success story to some of the others. Met my wife on Eharmony. She was a first day match. First and only one I dated. I know this is HIGHLY unusual but that's what happened for me. ... ” – knarf7575

Join the “How do I stop getting too attached to my matches too soon?” discussion

“Nice, PY_2! I’ve probably told this story before, but it’s worth repeating – your 11 months isn’t so awful compared to someone I know who got poofed on by an eHarmony match for 3 ½ years…then got ... ” – PY_2

Join the “My match responded!!!” discussion

“I have no idea what they are trying to share details that make you uncomfortable -- I'm not there communicating with them! And I can't generalize or project the infinite motivations issues or ... ” – thefastcat

Join the “Why overshare?” discussion

“There is already a lot of really good food for thought in here. One thing that struck me is that you seem to be uncomfortable with the silences, could it be just as simple as that? We are ... ” – Lilycat

Join the “what to do... second guessing myself” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:53 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0