How to even land a first date


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ashesbp is offline ashesbp Post #1  October 25,2008, 6:11pm
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Ok, so here is my dilemma. I get plenty of matches, plenty get through GC and about half a dozen have made it to OC in the last 2 months. Why can't I land a first date. This whole dating thing is starting to get a little discouraging. Is there something that I am doing wrong or are guys just more passive nowadays than they used to be?????
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  October 26,2008, 10:05am
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I can't speak for all guys (I'm a guy), but I can tell you it cuts both ways. Only about 20% of the matches I get make it to guided communication, and most of those fizzle after the first e-mail exchange.


You're probably not doing anything wrong, it's just that eHarmony is not all it's trumped up to be. Most people, both men and women, are just lazy when it comes to online dating, especially with eHarmony, which makes you work harder than most dating sites to find decent matches. Sometimes guys get discouraged with how long some women take to respond in the GC stage, and may have found someone else by the time you get to GC. I know myself matches seem to come in spurts. I'll have a dry spell for a week or two, and then eHarmony will send me 10 quality matches all at once. Most guys are not used to being the position of having to choose who they want, we just take what we can get. And in those situations, you may sometimes get lost in the shuffle. Just be patient.
 
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LonelyStarState is offline LonelyStarState Post #3  October 26,2008, 10:36am

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come down to sa, i'll take ya out =0)
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #4  October 26,2008, 10:54am
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Perhaps some are lazy as LSS states but you have competition for those guys out there. As you are communicating with many so are they. How do you get a first date? You have nothing to lose. Ask them if they would like to meet. If you don't get an answer they weren't serious to begin with.
 
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pooh is offline pooh Post #5  October 26,2008, 11:29am
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Shortly after entering OC, I opt for phone. I want to hear their voice and inflections. Hopefully we'll meet soon after that. After all, you can email and talk all you want but the true test is a face to face meeting. There's something to be said about chemistry.
 
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LonelyStarState is offline LonelyStarState Post #6  October 26,2008, 11:56am

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if it takes a month to finally meet someone from ehahaha face to face, then i think you're better off looking for someone in real life.


i canceled my matching because 99.97% of my matches lived over 450 miles away.


the reality of ehahaha is that they give you the opportunity to talk to someone. the rest is up to you.
 
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dkj is offline dkj Post #7  October 26,2008, 12:14pm
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Don't make it a big secret if you want to date them. Sometimes people wait for some sort of "sign" before they can go forward. It was my objective to go out with anyone that I made it to OC with. I also wanted to talk on the phone and meet as early as possible. I believe that you really can't tell much until you actually meet. I can't see what I'm looking for on the phone and some people aren't good at talking on the phone. I went out with less than half the matches that I made it to OC with and in every case (except maybe 1) they were the ones who "faded away". Most of the problems on eH aren't gender specific.
 
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ManekiNeko is offline ManekiNeko Post #8  October 26,2008, 12:16pm
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ashesbp, wrote :

Ok, so here is my dilemma. I get plenty of matches, plenty get through GC and about half a dozen have made it to OC in the last 2 months. Why can't I land a first date. This whole dating thing is starting to get a little discouraging. Is there something that I am doing wrong or are guys just more passive nowadays than they used to be?????
Ask. Guys aren't mind-readers. Sometimes they're very nervous.
 
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LonelyStarState is offline LonelyStarState Post #9  October 26,2008, 12:19pm

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sometimes when i get really bored, i oc with myself
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #10  October 26,2008, 12:31pm
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ashesbp, wrote :

Ok, so here is my dilemma. I get plenty of matches, plenty get through GC and about half a dozen have made it to OC in the last 2 months. Why can't I land a first date. This whole dating thing is starting to get a little discouraging. Is there something that I am doing wrong or are guys just more passive nowadays than they used to be?????
What I've discovered over the last several months is that the dating world is so much bigger online and out in the "real" world then even 10 years ago. I you get to OC with someone, it's a pretty good chance they're juggling other guys or gals in their schedules as well.


You got people from all over the states, Europe and Canada looking around and it's not that there's anything wrong with what anyone's doing it's just that people have a lot more choices out there and although we don't want to look at it as competition, it very much is.


I was telling someone else on here that really nice guys are not likely to try and pick you up in a public place or go overboard online either because of the "wacko factor" involved. They'll be a lot more reticent about approaching a woman cause there's just so many creepy people online and out in the world, they don't want to be labeled like that.


Sometimes, you have to actually ask the guy if you can get together for a cup of coffee or something simple where you just sit across from each other and talk for awhile. I enjoy being asked most of the time but I'm finding that if I don't make the first move, most guys that are just regular and nice won't do it. So you might have to let go of the "norms" of dating and take that kind of a risk if you find someone who seems interested enough to make the time to meet you.


I'm beginning to like these "Meet and Greet" online things a lot more, where a group of people make plans to get together in "real time" Go for a hike, a walk, a brunch or something. It's such a good idea to get together as a group if there's people online here that live in your area. It's relatively safe if both guys and gals participate and if there's no spark with anyone, at least you've met some nice people.


So hang in there. The game plan may need to be altered a bit to adjust to the nature of all this.
 
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