Anyone ever fire one back at their poofer??


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ponytrax is offline ponytrax Post #1  October 23,2008, 3:42pm
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I am so ticked off that I got duped, and I know I cant be alone here. I'm ticked at him and I just don't want him to think that everything is fine, and that he "got away with it". I am an intelligent, attractive woman and I hate the thought that he put one over on me. Anyone ever do this and what was the result? Get an answer back? I was going to send an email, not actually talk to the coward. Yes, of course I can ignore, but I just keep feeling like why should he be able to fade away painlessly when he caused me such grief......
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #2  October 23,2008, 3:54pm
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The last time I got poofed by a guy, after a year passed I sent him a neutral, friendly email just asking if he'd be willing to tell me now what happened a year ago. Twenty minutes later I got an email from him with a 4-paragraph explanation, telling me he never intended to just disappear, he was still embroiled in a bad situation with another woman he still had not been able to extricate himself from, but he was getting close to freedom, and would let me know when he was free.


I never heard from him again.


After thinking about it, I figured if he was so emotionally immature and easily manipulated as to not be able to walk away from a bad situation and walk into a good one, he wasn't mature enough (or ready for) me.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #3  October 23,2008, 3:54pm
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What did he do? Did you ever meet this person?
 
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ponytrax is offline ponytrax Post #4  October 23,2008, 4:01pm
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DennisWisconsin,305755 wrote :

What did he do? Did you ever meet this person?
Yes, we did meet Dennis, I recently posted Guys who date multiple women. At the time I was trying to figure out if this guy was not getting back to me because he was "stringing" me along while he was trying to figure outwhich woman he wanted, OR if he was just doing a straightpoof.


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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  October 23,2008, 4:09pm
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I remember some of that thread. Sorry that happened to you...
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #6  October 23,2008, 4:10pm
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I have confronted two poofers. One where we hadn't met but he was playing these dumb call me at this time thing and then wouldn't answer. Then he "lost" my number and asked for it again. After the stupid games, phone tag, and him not calling for a week, I wrote and said..."Look, I'm looking for someone who takes this seriously and is true to their word. Good luck with your search, blah, blah." He apologized for wasting my time.
2nd poofer - We went on a date and it was okay. We had confusing conversations later. I wrote to him saying I'd like to get to know him better. He said he'd call and didn't for 3 weeks. I get this message of apologies, and he would like to get to know me better, etc. To that one, I texted him and said..."I want someone who does what he says. Good luck with your search, blah, blah." Essentially your window of opportunity has now been closed.
I hate to say it, but in both instances it was gratifying and I hope the guys learn something from it. I hope I'm benefitting future women they might meet, plus I still believe in the old values of treating people how you would want to be treated.
 
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ponytrax is offline ponytrax Post #7  October 23,2008, 4:15pm
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my5cents,305777 wrote :

I have confronted two poofers. One where we hadn't met but he was playing these dumb call me at this time thing and then wouldn't answer. Then he "lost" my number and asked for it again. After the stupid games, phone tag, and him not calling for a week, I wrote and said..."Look, I'm looking for someone who takes this seriously and is true to their word. Good luck with your search, blah, blah." He apologized for wasting my time.
2nd poofer - We went on a date and it was okay. We had confusing conversations later. I wrote to him saying I'd like to get to know him better. He said he'd call and didn't for 3 weeks. I get this message of apologies, and he would like to get to know me better, etc. To that one, I texted him and said..."I want someone who does what he says. Good luck with your search, blah, blah." Essentially your window of opportunity has now been closed.
I hate to say it, but in both instances it was gratifying and I hope the guys learn something from it. I hope I'm benefitting future women they might meet, plus I still believe in the old values of treating people how you would want to be treated.
Yea, it's like I want him to know that this is not ok....you can't be so cavalier with people's feelings. there are repercussions for actions. This guy lead me on for 3 months while he was out of town. I didn't want to get involved with anyone else while he was gone. I put my life on hold while he was gone....... Arrrgghh.
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #8  October 23,2008, 4:24pm
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Ponytrax, even though many people do this "poofing" thing, it doesn't mean it's okay. Yep, I heard through this board it's normal which plain sucks. I feel for you, and sorry that you put your life on hold while he was gone. Well, if you so feel led maybe you should let him know how you feel. It never hurts to air your feelings out, and in some cases people should be made aware of how their actions can have reprocussions on others. Call it a little constructive criticism. That's just my five cents.
 
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Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #9  October 23,2008, 5:47pm
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ponytrax, wrote :

I am so ticked off that I got duped, and I know I cant be alone here. I'm ticked at him and I just don't want him to think that everything is fine, and that he "got away with it". I am an intelligent, attractive woman and I hate the thought that he put one over on me. Anyone ever do this and what was the result? Get an answer back? I was going to send an email, not actually talk to the coward. Yes, of course I can ignore, but I just keep feeling like why should he be able to fade away painlessly when he caused me such grief......
Yeah, I did fire back e-mails or phone calls the first couple of times it happened. When I continued to hear absolutely nothing from the person(s), it dawned upon me that I was continuing to waste time and energy on someone who treated me badly instead of going out and finding someone good. I was hanging on to the "poofer"'in the name of justice.'


When it comes down to it, do you honestly believe that anything you have to say to someone who would do that to you is going to make them feel regret at what they've done? If they weren't somehow okay with abusing you that way, they wouldn't have done it in the first place.


IMHO, 'going after them' only wastes your time and spirit. Even if you chastise them, they still "got away with it." You can't change that by yelling at them.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 23,2008, 5:54pm
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I have not responded to a poofer though I have a boatload of those. I did respond to a dumper who dumped me with some rather hurtful comments. I did behave myself and not respond with anger and hurtful words.
 
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